(Closed) Bees who are or have married near the holidays…would this be rude?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
  • Post # 3
    3101 posts
    Sugar bee

    @SparkleSun:  Do what you want!  Skip away!

    ETA: Was this supposed to be a poll with options?

    Post # 4
    1813 posts
    Buzzing bee

    This will be a process for you since you have been overprotected and sheltered as you say, but it is incredibly important to set YOUR boundaries as a married couple now.  That may mean growing a bit more backbone to stand up to them so that you can deal with the push back.

    This is coming from a mom of 5 grown children.  It is very rare to have all 5 home for a holiday.  They have their own families and lives now and (dangit) I have to share and not demand.  We celebrate holidays when it works for everyone, not necessarily the day the calendar says we have to.

    I will tell you this:  it is super tough as a parent those first few times your grown kids are not their for holidays.  They have been there FOREVER!!  Whose idea was it for them to grow up and have their own holiday plans?  Just as it is a process for you , it will be a process for them.  Some parents handle that better than others, but it is imperative that you and your new husband decide how you want to spend holidays and know that it is okay to rock the boat a bit.  Please don’t tell your parents I said that…

    If you and your new  husband want to spend Thanksgiving alone then do it and don’t feel guilty.  Be aware that if you are meek and mild and argue about this over and over your parents will most likely continue to pester  you because they think you will give in. Be polite, loving, and firm.

    Congrats on your marriage and good luck with your wedding.

    Post # 5
    8701 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    You are grown! You can miss a holiday!

    Post # 6
    4664 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I miss most holidays with my family honestly. Either I’m working or I’m too far away (8000 miles) or both. Do what you gotta do. 

    Post # 7
    9956 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Not rude.  As a grown up married lady you can certainly make your own decisions.

    BUT would Parents / Inlaws be disappointed, I certainly would think so.

    Personally tho I hate it when a Holiday comes around and I have nothing planned to do…

    Sitting around looking at 4 walls all-day when things aren’t open, and the rest of the world “has plans” is boring !!

    That is unless you plan to put on a Thanksgiving spead with your New Hubby… can be fun, but mind you tons of work… especially if it is just the 2 of you.

    Personally, I’d be looking to go to someone’s home (your side / his side) to enjoy the day.

    But maybe that is just me.

    Besides, if you do have kids in the future Thanksgivings will potentially be a lot more complicated / filled with work (even if that just means packing everyone and the car up to go to Gramma’s house)

    For now, I’d be looking for the easy way out now… couple hours socializing, home cooked meal, and then the rest of the weekend for the two of you.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 8
    3042 posts
    Sugar bee

    @SparkleSun:  it isn’t rude at all. As we get older it is quite normal to start our own traditions and have other priorities. If you don’t think you will feel lonely I say go ahead and do it!

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