Bees who can be SAHM but choose to work..

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 46
1768 posts
Buzzing bee

You need to do what works for you and your family. Everyone is different and I hate this stupid “mummy guilt” that society imposes on everyone for their choices. xo

Post # 47
217 posts
Helper bee

I’ve known what I wanted my career to be in from a young age. And I’ve never wavered from that. My career was a goal bigger than getting married or having children. I knew those things would happen in my life, but my biggest goal has been and always will be being a teacher.

(I hope) I will have zero guilt about going back to work. I love my job! I’ve never even considered not working.

If working gives you more satisfaction in your life, then do it! Not spending ALL your time with your children does not equal abandonment.

Post # 48
266 posts
Helper bee

I had a wonderful Egyptian nanny for my first two children (before she went to take care of a grandchild). She said to me one day when I was feeling extremely guilty, “Habebe (her term of endearment for me), when you are at work, be at work. When you are home with your babies, be at home with your babies. All of this guilt is a waste of time, doesn’t add value to either experience, and doesn’t help your children or your job.”  She was exactly right. 

Post # 49
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I feel zero guilt because it’s what’s best for me and I’m a better mom when I’m happy. I went back to work when my dd was 5 months old (now almost 8 months). And that was always my intention. I adore my daughter but staying at home and the endless bottles/naps/washing etc made me really depressed. We don’t need my paycheck but it helps us live the life we do. We’ve just started building our dream home – can’t afford that on one income. I have career goals and lifestyle goals. Being a sahm is not for everyone and that’s ok 

She’s at the best daycare where we live,  their infant room has 6 babies and 2 teachers and they have a home like environment. She never cries when I drop her and eats and sleeps well there. I really like the teachers too and we plan on keeping her at this daycare until she goes to school (they have other rooms and go to 5 years old)

My daughter is so happy and well adjusted too. We get comments all the time about how settled and content she is.

My own mom didn’t work when we were little and my dad didn’t make much and flitted from job to job,  city to city. It sucked. My mom is/was weirdly obsessed with us and very much controlled us… I resented that and still do. Not only that but my dad wasn’t the best but she relies on him so stays… I always thought it was weak and I want my daughter to see strength and capability in me. Whatever works for you.

Post # 50
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Since you don’t need the money, could you find a balance in between the extremes of full time Stay-At-Home Mom and full time work? Would part time work, or involvement in volunteer/community activities get you out of the house enough so you don’t go crazy? Can you afford someone to help you part time?

Post # 51
257 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Newgirl87 :  This also depends on what you mean by “choose to work.” I’ve known families who barely scrape by on one income because they want the wife to stay home. I’m not knocking this but i also know families who while one could stay home but would rather have two incomes and more security. I personally plan to be a Stay-At-Home Mom but currently am working on a nursing degree. If we have an unplanned pregnancy within the next 4 years then I’ll delay staying at home so we can pay off school debt and secure a better future and then be a Stay-At-Home Mom a little later. My husband will make enough money to where we wouldnt barely scrape by on just his income, we’d be comfortably middle class. But our plan is to work, pay debt, save for a large chunk for a down payment on a home and then Stay-At-Home Mom. Though the more I think the more I will probably work at least a few hours a week to keep my license up. 


I think being a Stay-At-Home Mom is admirable and something I hope we can afford in the future. But I also understand that many women simply enjoy working or would like more security in the family’s income.

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