Post # 1
I need to get your opinion on something,
Just a little history,
I have been with my DH since I was 18. We have had our share of ups and downs, and broke up once for about 6 months. This September will mark 2 years married, 10 years together (12 years total). I am so in love with him, he truly is my best friend, someone I really enjoy being around. I can go on and on about amazing he is.
So, the reason for my post is this…
My co worker who is what I would call a serial dater. She is not in a committed relationship, but recently she has been with this one guy who seems to make her really happy. And she was telling me about how she went out to dinner with her son’s father and how he was looking for attention from her bc thats what men do. And I said, not all men, my DH is not like that, if he wants something from me, he will ask. And she basically said that she wouldn’t take advice from me bc I am inexperienced bc I have been with DH for so long.
For the record, DH was not the only guy I was with, I had one BF before him and it was a terrible relationship, he was physically and emotionally abusive. Before the ex, there was one other guy but I was soooo young, so I dont consider that a true relarionship.
So anyway, would you be offended if someone told you that they wouldn’t take advice bc you didn’t date or sleep with multiple people? Just bc I haven’t been with many other guys doesn’t make me less knowledgeable on how to give advice to someone who is in a relationship.
Post # 2
I would never be offended. Maybe they have a point! I don’t know. The bottom line is people rarely take advice from other people on things they already feel strongly about, other people’s advice usually just serves to highlight or solidify the way they already feel about a situation. If I’m asked my opinion I give it, but I could not care less whether they think it was good advice/bad advice/that I am qualified to give aforesaid advice or not.
Post # 3
People just don’t like advice period. If you’ve had a good dating history, then you “wouldn’t understand” about relationship problems. If you’ve had a bad dating history, then your advice isn’t any good because you couldn’t even solve your own problems. Basically they just want to talk about their problems and gave someone listen without giving advice. But if I had to take sides, I’m with her. You’re Nigel-ing hard.
Post # 4
id much rather be your situation than hers, so who cares anyway – so what if your crap at giving dating advice – you dont need to cos you’v found your love already. im the same as you – have been with my now husband since we were 17, been together 10 yrs and married for 2! haha! id MUCH rather have him and be crap at dating advice than a serial dater whose looking for love.
Post # 5
hahaha you are so right and it does my head in.
OP, I was a serial dater before I met DH and I wish I had listened to happy women in great relationships instead of flitting and being silly. When you are a serial dater you tell yourself coupled up people are smug and patronising. They’ve never had the struggle you have. They are just sickeningly happy and therefore defensive retorts are your ignorant friend. She is just being one of them jelly single fish. I was one for a number of years, living off titbits of attention instead of finding a real partner. Now I have one, I regret times I said rude things to helpful people. But part of me was just sooo panicked and sad. I was sure I was going to be single forever. Crazy cat lady etc. I was wrong.
Post # 6
I am sorry, what is Nigel-ing? Lol
very good point – didn’t think of it that way! I wasn’t offended but confused, I just didn’t know how to feel about that comment. I am not experienced in the dating field, I look at people who are dating and I am thrilled to not be single in this generation- its tough!
But I think if someone asked me for relationship advice, I would have some good things to offer.
Post # 7
I totally agree with the other PPs. Many times, when people complain about their situation, they’re not looking for advice, espcially if it proves them wrong or makes them the “bad guy”. I’m sure your coworker was just looking for someone to listen to her problems and validate her feelings. Now that you know she doesn’t think you qualify for advice, don’t offer any!
And just because you don’t have experience in multiple relationships doesn’t mean you don’t have good advice to give!
Post # 8
I agree. I think I was slightly put off by the way she said it. She is very blunt and I felt small when she told me I was inexperienced. But you are right, from nkw on I will just listen and if she asks me something directly, I will answer but I won’t offer.
Post # 9
relationship advice is one thing, but honestly consider the fact that your experiences are very limited. You don’t have experiences with many men over long periods of time. You have real experience with one or two men! And this is not a criticism, I am in the exact same situation – Fiance was my first/only real boyfriend. This means however, that I really don’t have that much to offer friends who are my age and on boyfriend #5 – what advice can I give them? I hit a home run my first time out to bat! I have my opinions about relationships, but those have largely been shaped by my very personal relationship with Fiance. They’re likely useless to almost anyone else! Just my two cents 🙂
Post # 10
I’m also in a similar relationship timeline as you. We got together when I was seventeen, coming up to twelve years together and nearly married for one! Lol.
I wouldnt really find it offensive, but I would think that they are losing out by not listening to us! What they are after is what we have got: a long lasting forever relationship! So why wouldn’t they take advice?
You’ll probably find that she will take advice more from her friends who are in a similar situation to her, as they can relate to each other, and bitch about their similar situations.
My best friend is very unlucky in love and says she is getting desperate. I do feel bad for her, but she probably doesn’t listen to my advise as she does the opposite! In the end they are grown ups and have to make their own decisions!
Post # 11
Maybe she was just being spiteful because full she is jealous of the great relationship you have with your husband. I’m in a similar boat to you been with Fiance since I was 17 will have been together 10 on our wedding day this may and I have had serial dater friends say that they envy what we have
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Interesting. I’ve been with my DH since I was 19 & we have been together for over 6 years. I actually side with your co-worker. I don’t consider myself experienced in the dating scene. I had one ‘serious’ relationship before DH & a couple flings/dates in between which hardly count when you’re 18/19 haha.
Post # 13
12 years in a relationship is plenty experienced to me. How rude of her. That said, she probably just doesn’t want dating advice.
I’m like you. 🙂 Been with DH since we were 18, 10.5 years total and married one year. People generally listen to me about relationship stuff, but every situation is different.
Post # 14
I would say being with one person for several years is plenty experienced! Of course a different experience. Say if they were looking for advice on comparing a few different guys or on the dating scene in general, that’s not the kind of experience you have. But if they were after relationship advice, then having gone through ups and downs of a long term relationship, you would be experienced enough to give advice and I would be offended.
I have been with Fiance for over 6 years, since we were 18 going on 19. I had had two short term (one six and a half months, the other 2 and a half months) boyfriends before him, he had one girlfriend before me of just under a year and were each other’s first (intercourse wise). I am much happier having been with my Fiance for a long time, than be dating a bunch of guys over that period. But I was always one for relationships rather than dating.
Post # 15
I frankly think that holding a successful and healthy partnership/relationship for over a decade is more “experience” than dating multiple men for short periods of time. People assume that it’s all peaches and cream and not something that takes constant work at maintaining and growing. It seems logical to me that a person that’s in a relationship for 12 years is more experienced in relationships. Haha. But eh, everyone has their opinions. I’ve heard the same a lot. As well as I couldn’t possibly know my husband is who I wanted to be with forever because I “knew nothing else”. Also dumb. I can know what I want and don’t want in a person without going through dozens of them to figure it out.