(Closed) Bees who have been with their SO/DH/FI since a young age…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

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Daizy914:  I would never be offended. Maybe they have a point! I don’t know. The bottom line is people rarely take advice from other people on things they already feel strongly about, other people’s advice usually just serves to highlight or solidify the way they already feel about a situation. If I’m asked my opinion I give it, but I could not care less whether they think it was good advice/bad advice/that I am qualified to give aforesaid advice or not. 

Post # 3
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

People just don’t like advice period. If you’ve had a good dating history, then you “wouldn’t understand” about relationship problems. If you’ve had a bad dating history, then your advice isn’t any good because you couldn’t even solve your own problems. Basically they just want to talk about their problems and gave someone listen without giving advice. But if I had to take sides, I’m with her. You’re Nigel-ing hard.

Post # 4
Member
2369 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

id much rather be your situation than hers, so who cares anyway  – so what if your crap at giving dating advice – you dont need to cos you’v found your love already. im the same as you – have been with my now husband since we were 17, been together 10 yrs and married for 2! haha! id MUCH rather have him and be crap at dating advice than a serial dater whose looking for love. 

 

Post # 5
Member
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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lesbeeinlove:  hahaha you are so right and it does my head in.

OP, I was a serial dater before I met DH and I wish I had listened to happy women in great relationships instead of flitting and being silly. When you are a serial dater you tell yourself coupled up people are smug and patronising. They’ve never had the struggle you have. They are just sickeningly happy and therefore defensive retorts are your ignorant friend. She is just being one of them jelly single fish. I was one for a number of years, living off titbits of attention instead of finding a real partner. Now I have one, I regret times I said rude things to helpful people. But part of me was just sooo panicked and sad. I was sure I was going to be single forever. Crazy cat lady etc. I was wrong. 

Post # 7
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I totally agree with the other PPs. Many times, when people complain about their situation, they’re not looking for advice, espcially if it proves them wrong or makes them the “bad guy”. I’m sure your coworker was just looking for someone to listen to her problems and validate her feelings. Now that you know she doesn’t think you qualify for advice, don’t offer any!

And just because you don’t have experience in multiple relationships doesn’t mean you don’t have good advice to give!

Post # 9
Member
328 posts
Helper bee

 

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Daizy914:  relationship advice is one thing, but honestly consider the fact that your experiences are very limited. You don’t have experiences with many men over long periods of time. You have real experience with one or two men! And this is not a criticism, I am in the exact same situation – Fiance was my first/only real boyfriend. This means however, that I really don’t have that much to offer friends who are my age and on boyfriend #5 – what advice can I give them? I hit a home run my first time out to bat! I have my opinions about relationships, but those have largely been shaped by my very personal relationship with Fiance. They’re likely useless to almost anyone else! Just my two cents 🙂

Post # 10
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

I’m also in a similar relationship timeline as you. We got together when I was seventeen, coming up to twelve years together and nearly married for one! Lol.

I wouldnt really find it offensive, but I would think that they are losing out by not listening to us! What they are after is what we have got: a long lasting forever relationship! So why wouldn’t they take advice?

You’ll probably find that she will take advice more from her friends who are in a similar situation to her, as they can relate to each other, and bitch about their similar situations. 

My best friend is very unlucky in love and says she is getting desperate. I do feel bad for her, but she probably doesn’t listen to my advise as she does the opposite! In the end they are grown ups and have to make their own decisions! 

Post # 11
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Maybe she was just being spiteful because full she is jealous of the great relationship you have with your husband. I’m in a similar boat to you been with Fiance since I was 17 will have been together 10 on our wedding day this may and I have had serial dater friends say that they envy what we have

Post # 12
Member
2677 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Interesting. I’ve been with my DH since I was 19 & we have been together for over 6 years. I actually side with your co-worker. I don’t consider myself experienced in the dating scene. I had one ‘serious’ relationship before DH & a couple flings/dates in between which hardly count when you’re 18/19 haha.

Post # 13
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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Daizy914:  12 years in a relationship is plenty experienced to me. How rude of her. That said, she probably just doesn’t want dating advice. 

I’m like you. 🙂 Been with DH since we were 18, 10.5 years total and married one year. People generally listen to me about relationship stuff, but every situation is different. 

Post # 14
Member
9832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I would say being with one person for several years is plenty experienced! Of course a different experience. Say if they were looking for advice on comparing a few different guys or on the dating scene in general, that’s not the kind of experience you have. But if they were after relationship advice, then having gone through ups and downs of a long term relationship, you would be experienced enough to give advice and I would be offended.

I have been with Fiance for over 6 years, since we were 18 going on 19. I had had two short term (one six and a half months, the other 2 and a half months) boyfriends before him, he had one girlfriend before me of just under a year and were each other’s first (intercourse wise). I am much happier having been with my Fiance for a long time, than be dating a bunch of guys over that period. But I was always one for relationships rather than dating.

Post # 15
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I frankly think that holding a successful and healthy partnership/relationship for over a decade is more “experience” than dating multiple men for short periods of time. People assume that it’s all peaches and cream and not something that takes constant work at maintaining and growing. It seems logical to me that a person that’s in a relationship for 12 years is more experienced in relationships. Haha. But eh, everyone has their opinions. I’ve heard the same a lot. As well as I couldn’t possibly know my husband is who I wanted to be with forever because I “knew nothing else”. Also dumb. I can know what I want and don’t want in a person without going through dozens of them to figure it out. 

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