Post # 16
Member
6379 posts
Bee Keeper
Daizy914: A little. I’ve had two serious relationships in my life. An ex, and my husband, I didn’t even really date. I met my ex when I was 13, we started dating when I was 17, from 17 to 21 we dated. At 21 (a few months after we had broken up for good, we broke up a few times while dating) I met my husband. Unlike my ex, I knew he was the one. So while I feel I do have good advice on what’s the good points in a relationship, and how do you know if someone treats you right, I have to say, that I’m pretty much a dummy on how to pick men up, how to tell if a man likes you, etc.
So I would be offended in that my lack of that experience was being called into question, but I would understand if she was like “But you don’t even know how to pick up men pinkcorsage” because she’s right I don’t.
Post # 17
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee
Daizy914: I’ve been with Fiance since I was barely 21. I live in NYC so for my area this is like SUPER young to get together. I actually slept around/dated a LOT before meeting Fiance. I don’t regret it for a second, for me it was what I needed. Lots of my single friends come to me for advice on dating as well as long term relationships.
I can see why someone who is deep in the dating scene would say they don’t consider you experienced. Being experienced in the context of a longterm monogamous relationship is very different than being experienced in the modern dating world. It’s not really a diss, it’s just a fact. If you had one boyfriend who didn’t work out, then you met your forever man, it’s just a fact that you don’t have loads of dating experience. In reality, you’ve dated two guys, which simply isn’t a lot. No judgement! It just isn’t!
I also think the longer you’ve been out of the dating pool the less your advice applies. Right now my single friends totally trust my opinion on their weird dating situations…in 10 years, they probably won’t ask me anymore…and that’s ok! Even now, I get more questions and advice seeking from my other friends in longterm relationships. The fact is, I DON’T know what it’s like to be single in your late 20s/early 30s. Being single in college is totally different. It’s totally fine, everyone can’t be everything.
Post # 18
Member
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I don’t think I’d be offended. I’ve known Fiance since we were 17/18 and he’s the only guy I’ve ever kissed/dated/slept with/etc. It wasn’t planned that way (hey, I wouldn’t have minded playing the field a bit!) but that’s just how it turned out.
So if people make comments about me being inexperienced in certain things like dating/sex, they’re right, I am. Now if they were suggesting that I don’t know much about relationships or about true love, THEN I would get offended. I guess it would come down to context and what kind of comments were being thrown around.
Post # 19
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
HippyBunniesinLove: i am biased towards relationship advice from happily married people – whether they dated/slept with many partners or just one or two. even though yes there are Bees on here who are so cool that I value their advice even when they are single and unhappy! … In the case of Daizy 914’s co-worker, I think she was bitten by the green eyed monster of jealousy because I find her advice on here to be down to earth and helpful.
Post # 20
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
Daizy914: I have been with my fiance since I was 17, knew him since I was 3 or 4. He’s been my only love and my only serious relationship. We had broken up a few times and dated other people. Honestly we’ve gone through so much together I feel like I have just as much “experience” and valid advice for relationships as anyone else my age. I too know a serial dater or two and get the same disapproval from them for only having one real relationship but when we honestly discuss relationship situations its apparent I have healthier and more constructive views than they tend to have (just the friends I know at least, I am not generalizing that I know more than most people).
That being said, I agree with PPs that say she probably wasn’t looking for your two cents. Especially if she is complaining or going through a rough patch in the love department no one wants someone to chime in and say “well it sucks you’ve been dating losers but my husband is amazing! And Ivebeen with him since I was 18 so I didn’t even have to deal with any of the failed relationships like you have”. Your approach would have been better received if you left your own lucky-in-love story out of it and just said ” there are a lot of jerks out there but there are also a lot of great guys out there too! Don’t let one ass hole bring you down, you’ll find the right man someday”
O
Post # 21
Member
6516 posts
Bee Keeper
ChrissyMary9515: the thing is i wasnt even giving advice-i was just making a statement. She was talking about how she had webtbout out to dinner with a guy and that he seemed so needy, abd then she said i hate that men are like that, that they need that kind of attention. And i just responded “i dont think all men are like that, DH is not” and thats when she said “well i wouldnt take advice from you anyway based on your experience bc you have only been with your DH” – Maybe what I said was wrong?
Post # 22
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
Daizy914: If that’s all you said then you’re fine. While I think those of us who have been in long term relationships since a young age can give great
relationship advice, I think as far as the dating pool and, in her case, dealing with “needy men” on a first date or any sort of casual dating advice we may not be the best. I personally wouldn’t know how to deal with say a 28 year old guy who I’ve only gone out with once or twice needing me to define our relationship or starts constantly calling me OR being the opposite and not calling me back. I haven’t dated around (except for a couple guys in my early 20’s when Fiance and I were broken up briefly). Your coworker may have been being snarky/jealous but I think it’s valid to say we don’t have experience in the casual dating world.
Long-term relationship advice on the other hand, I think we know a thing or two. I mean, clearly we’re doing something right if we’ve been able to make our relationships work for so long and since such a young age, right?
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This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by
SoonAsYouCan.
Post # 23
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
If that person was being snarky to me- id retort well I’ve had 12 years of a successful marriage and you have been serial dating fruitlessly. I seem to be the one who is doing something right. Take it or leave it. Lol then again it’s early and I need to drink some coffee and wake up. I would probably be nicer but hey. You are clearly capable to speak about any topic you think you can articulate well about. You have a unique perspective that maybe she could glean some good tips from. I dislike it when people close others off because that person hasn’t had the same experiences.
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