Post # 1
Bees, tell me your stories about the crazy things you have or had to go through in order to be with your SO (moved to new cities, lived with family/friends, difficult situations, etc.) and how you got through it please!
About me: My SO are from different countries and to make matters more complicated, he works offshore. We met while I was doing a graduate program in his country, reluctantly fell in love (because we realised that it wasn’t going to be easy to be together), took the first opportunity to move in together in a new city and did that whole thing until my visa expired. Once I got back to my home country, I applied for about every job I could find with no success and the long distance (and me moving back in with my parents) was not working, so after a few months of that, I sold a lot of my stuff that had been collecting dust in storage and bought a ticket to come visit him. So now I’m back in the right country, on a 6 month tourist visa, in a new city (he moved since I had left), with no friends, living with one of his old buddies, who while very kind, is I kid you not, twice my age, with very little money and I’m not allowed to work (stipulation of visa) and while this is all totally fine when he’s around, he’s just left to go to sea for a month (or more, the company frequently doesn’t tell them). I know that I’ve put myself in this situation, but there wasn’t much for me back home. Oh and we do plan on applying for a fiance visa before my tourist visa expires, so its not like we don’t have a gameplan. And I’m truly trying to do my best to make the most of it by making potential future work connections here, but its awfully lonely and really difficult at times. /rant
Anyway, I guess I’m just wondering if any other bees went through crazy circumstances in order to be with their SO and prevailed? I’m really not looking for anyone to criticize my current situation (though I do realise that divulging it to the vast world of the interwebs does set me up for that), but rather any inspirational stories (and funny ones too)!
Post # 2
I haven’t, to be honest, but let me tell you about someone who has-my FI. He’s supported me through depression, unemployment, underemployment, going back to school, and a 6 week volunteer trip to Guatemala. He has patiently and unwaveringly been there as my life unfolds and I discover where I’m supposed to be.
Post # 3
Laurenplusalex: your FI sounds wonderful! I strongly believe that you can’t truly know a person till you go through tough times together and you guys sound like you’ve been through a lot. I honestly love how supportive he is while you try to find out where you’re supposed to be – a topic which sometimes I feel like doesn’t come up enough on the Bee. Its nice to hear of someone else who is trying to find their way!
Post # 4
noms…cake: We have not been thru any crazy things, physically (ie, time and space apart), but have prevailed thru many emotionally trying times together. From dealing with his father’s mental illness, thru dealing with his brother’s drug addiction, thru dealing with my mother’s illness and death. At times, we both waivered in the ‘can we get thru this?!’, but we did. AND, it made us stronger than ever. We endured all of these things before we were even engaged!!! And now, we are set to marry one another in a few short weeks, and choose one another even with these things looming overhead – because, they will never just go away!
There is NO perfect road map for any relationship. There is only the path(s) a couple chooses to take, and how they choose to get thru the ups/downs, ins/outs – together, and sometimes apart. I think there is strength and beauty in the hardships, definitely.
As long as you support one another, love one another, communicate to one another, and set goals and mile markers together, then I think your relationship will continue to grow, even if your partner is not physically next to you each and every moment!!
Post # 5
OUgal0004: Thank you so much for sharing your story and your kind words, it’s just what I needed to hear! Congrats on your upcoming wedding, I’m sure it will be wonderful and well worth the hardships leading up to it!
Post # 6
noms…cake: I know exactly how you feel because I’m going through a similar situation as well. Any time I hear these stories, I just want to give out hugs because I know how difficult the situation is.
We’re going to be going through the immigration process pretty soon as well (FI is from Canada and I’m from Israel – I’m the one who will be moving). I’m still under a contract at work, so I visit him for about 5 months at a time, every 6 months. I know my situation could be worse and I know that I’m very lucky that neither of us has to get a visa in order to visit each other BUT it’s still very hard. Recently, I went to visit him in Canada and we came back to Israel together on New Years to celebrate with my family. It was soo nice because we really got to feel like a family (spending Christmas with his family and New Years with mine without being separated)… until he had to leave to go back to work. It sucks! You get used to having them around and then you have to be apart again. Going through the immigration process isn’t going to be any easier because it’s a very difficult and uncertain time (I understand that it’s tough for a good reason, but it doesn’t make it any better).
Like you, I won’t be able to work until our first stage approval, which could take anywhere between 7-12 months. I’m going to be keeping myself busy with planning our wedding, but I’m not used to not working. I go crazy every time I visit because I don’t know what to do with myself!
I’m also giving up my family. FI has a huuuge family and they all live fairly close to each other, while I have a really small family and we all live in different places. Being with my parents is wonderful and it’s going to be the hardest thing I ever have to do when I leave them. I have tears in my eyes just typing this up! I’m also giving up being with our pets. I know this one sounds strange but they are the babies in our family. We’ve had our cat for 12 years and our dog for 5 and it’s really hard for me to leave them behind.
Okay, now I’m just rambling. Basically, I know what you’re going through and I’m sorry that you have to. But just like PP said, it makes you stronger as a couple. Being apart from FI, going through what we’ve gone through, seeing how we both handle everything as a couple – these are the reasons I KNOW we’re meant to be together. It’s why I love FI as much as I do, and it’s how I know we’re going to get through anything that comes our way. I’m always here if you ever need to talk and I hope everything works out for you. 🙂
Post # 7
noms…cake: First of all, I would just like to say that I am proud to know each and every one of you (virtually) who has gone through a rough time. I, personally, know how difficult and trying it can be to forsake all for love and face rough waters; be they physical or mental or whatnot.
My “rough patch” happened in my last relationship. I had just entered the military and moved clear across the country. My SO (at the time) and I wrote to each other every other day. We emailed, we talked on the phone, we video-chatted. We did everything to make it seem like we were still apart of each others lives despite the distance. When the chance came, I (foolishly) set aside my goals and moved back across the country to be with my SO. He and I went through miscarriage, family deaths, financial issues, and in the end our relationship suffered. He lost his job, found a new job, bought computers – dozens of computers, attempted to start his own business, had to go to court. We broke up, and (unfortunately) haven’t spoken since. Distance and circumstance corrupted something that was beautiful, but I am stronger for all that I have learned from that experience.
Post # 8
noms…cake: he is wonderful, I’m very lucky. I guess because most people come here already actively planning a wedding and life together, there aren’t as many people still figuring stuff out. I knew very soon after meeting FI that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with, but not everything fell so easily into place for me.
Post # 9
I feel like he has been through more for me than I have for him. I was in the process of applying to medical school when we first got together, so I’ve been a stress mess since he met me. But in Novemember 2012 ( the day after I got into med school and thought i could chill out finally) I found out a close member of my family had received a 5 year prison sentence which gave me a lot of anxiety. I basically started crying every evening for months as I was having trouble with my family stress. I went to counseling and started to feel better. Then my grandmother and grandfather both died withing 1 month of each other, one very unexpectedly. He stuck by me through all of this. Held me when I cried, brought me comfort in the forms of my two main men, Ben and Jerry. He made me believe everything would be ok eventually, a point which I’m just now starting to believe. I owe him more than I feel like I can ever give him.
Post # 10
We haven’t had the struggles some of you have had (immigration, miscarriages, and such), but we had a few of our own difficult times.
We did 6 years long distance after only 8 months together, made it through my sister’s mental breakdown (attempted suicide), a really severe period of depression (he has clinical depression), moving together to a new city with no jobs for either of us, my grandmother and grandfather’s deaths, and tax problems that cost us $10,000 (wiped out his savings).
BUT, we’re happily married, and we’ve been through a lot of good things together, too!
Post # 11
Met online, became best friends, then realized that we shared bigger feelings. We lived 5,000 miles apart, but decided to see what would happen. Many visits back and forth later, we’re now married. I moved on a spousal visa from the US to the UK.
It’s a bit rough now because I am jobless in a new country and waiting on my teaching qualifications. DH will lose his job soon, so we’ll move to wherever he can get a new one in the next month or two. I can’t put down roots here yet because of it.
So while it was sure tough emotionally being apart, it’s still tough together. I’m still thrilled I have him though, and I know I’ll settle in time. He’s an amazing support through it.
Post # 12
I’ve never been able to relate to, “We’ve been through so much together.” I’ve been with FI for about 8 years, and it’s flown by smooth as butter. One of the things we have discussed a little is getting through a parent dying. That seems like the most realistic tough situation we will face within the next decade.
I started our relationship recovering from drug addiction and mental health issues, but I don’t feel that was a huge challenge for us as a couple. I was on the road myself; he solidified my desire to stay on it. We’re also poor as dirt, but I don’t feel that has been a struggle for our relationship.
Post # 13
My husband and I met online playing WoW, separated by 3000 miles and while there were difficult times, it was all worth it in the end. Moving to a new place can always be challenging and somewhat lonely, but it sounds like you two are very much in love and will make it work. I wish you both the best!
Post # 14
noms…cake: We have gone through a 15 month military deployment. But it wasn’t your typical “military spouse situation”. We were very young (17-18/20-21) and not married or engaged. So basically I had no rights to him as far as the military was concerned, no housing, no calls or information. He was in a heavy war zone and some of the time wasn’t allowed to say where he was.
He was only able to call (which he did A LOT) if he bought a phone of a local kid there. Apparently they do that a lot lol. So that sucked.
Whenever he was stationed in the US he was across the country from me and would come out every few weekends to see me.
He started college when he got out, I had been in for 2 years already. We moved in together and long story short, some PTSD related issues he broke up with me and I moved out. It was really hard on both of us leading BOTH of us to rock bottom alcoholism and drug use (unknowingly at first since we didn’t keep in contact).
A year later we got back together and were over the moon. A year after that I graduated and had to be long distance for my first career job. We did A LOT of traveling to see each other frequently during our years together.
Now we are engaged, moving in together (and moving out of state for the both of us), starting new careers and we have seen each other through many ups and downs! It has made us stronger and we couldn’t be more sure that we want to be with each other and no one else 🙂
Post # 15
tattiibee: I have a close knit extended family and an older dog that I’ve left behind so I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s tough. Best of luck to you!
MissBlogger: LittleE3: LadyBear: MsW-to-MrsM: housebee: playdohpants: Thanks so much for sharing your stories!
bowsergirl: I’m also an American thats moved to the UK! Would you mind if I PM to ask about your experience with the whole visa application?!