Bees who have or did hyphenate their names: Advice.

posted 2 weeks ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

I had a 16 letter name. One of those names was foreign so I always had to spell it. People would pick and choose which of my names to file things under, so any time I’d pick up a prescription or Walmart photos it would take an extra minute for them to check both filing spots. That was mildly inconvenient for my entire life. I made my life easy at the pizza shop by only ever giving one of my names.

The two times I felt wronged by my parents for having given me a hyphenated name: when the gynecologist asked when I got married. Thanks, single virgin at the time. Awkward.

And when the principal of the school paged me down to the office from the third floor to ask what my last name was, because my mother’s last name was Smith-Jones and I was Jones-Smith and after three years in the school they’d just noticed. Three floors! 

Clearly nothing here dire enough to require therapy but a good drink would have been good 😜

My one suggestion is to have at least all your kids with the same last name. In our family of five we had 3 different combinations on the go, which was a mess. (My oldest sibling didn’t technically have a hyphen so they ended up treating her Jones as a middle name)

Now that I’m married with a daughter I enjoy my little family all sharing a last name. My in-laws are great people though so that made that an easy choice. Will you hyphenate your name as well or just have him and the wee one with the combined name? Hoping the rest of your pregnancy is smooth sailing!

Post # 3
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

My husband and I both hyphenated our names. We love it! Apart from some old-fashioned work colleagues being ‘confused’ and supposedly unable to get their heads around my initials, it has been a great experience. Very easy to do for both of us which was surprising. And we love that we have that connection to each other, each others’ families, and that our kids will have that connection to both our families.

The only issue that we could see arising that we have discussed,  would be if when we have kids and they are adults/late teens, how we would react if they chose to drop one of the names. We have agreed we will both be ok with this, regardless of which name they kept, and would be completely supportive of that decision.

Post # 4
Member
818 posts
Busy bee

My mother hyphenated her name, but didn’t give it to us. She has long regretted not giving us her name. My husband and I have names that hyphenate badly and I’d attempted to combine in other forms, sounds vaguely racist (neither of our names are remotely problematic on their own!) We decided to flip a coin for the last name of our baby. 

Post # 5
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Brighton victorua

I hyphenated. Our kids are hyphenated too. 

There is literally no-one to carry on our surname. The 1 boy cousin has girls and our last name is unique, while my husband’s is really common. 

It was really important to me I kept my surname and my husband was okay with it.

His family were not, they hate me and have since cut us off with nothing to do with us, (not because I hyphenated but because they’re horribly abusive and toxic people, and my husband and I didn’t put up with the abuse and lack of accountability for their actions.) 

I could think of nothing worse than my kids and I having just that name to a family who want nothing to do with them and not with a family who adore and would do anything for them

Post # 6
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

There’s an interesting Scandinavian tradition where the mother’s last name is given as a middle name. Could you consider this? Your name would still be “officially” their’s on all important documents and such, but without the hyphenation. 

Post # 7
Member
9467 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Similar situation. Dh and I will both hyphenate one day (still haven’t gotten around to it) and we gave LO that hyphenated name. He’s 2 and we haven’t had any issues with it so far (it’s only 3 syllables total though, so it’s short and easy to spell/pronounce).

PP mentioned the option of giving the baby your maiden name as their middle name. A ton of people do this, but I personally didn’t want to. I have my mom’s maiden name as my middle and it’s basically invisible since middle names aren’t really used on a daily basis. Plus we liked the symbolism behind both of our surnames having equal importance in LO’s name.

Post # 8
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

A very long time ago a Mr Jones married a Miss Grey. They had 4 sons, but Miss Grey only had a sister and none to carry on her name. As was quite common in the Victorian age they gave their eldest son the middle name Grey.

 

years later he moved to London with his coal selling business. He found another Mr Jones already there selling coal, so to stand out he hyphenated his middle name to his surname to become Grey-Jones. He had a son, who had a son, who had a son, who I married. (Names changed obvs) 

At 14 I declared I’d never have a hyphaneted name but then I married one and decided to take his name. We have 2 children who are both Grey-Jones.

ill be honest, it’s fine. Occasionally people think we’re not married. Sometimes they think we hyphenated our names and our surprises when I tell them we didn’t. An American colleague thought my husband was gay because of his surname 🤷🏼‍♀️ In the UK double barrelled names are becoming very common. In fact at one point a client asked me if it was a requirement to have one at my company as pretty much every member of the team had one lol.

happy to answer more questions if you have them.

Post # 10
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - City, State

I grew up with a double surname, again had the same minor issues as other posters.
Some only knew me by surname a, some only knew me by surname b. I was filed under different letters alphabetically in things like school, doctors and anything official – if they couldn’t find me I’d just have to be like oh it could be under this (it seams there was no standardised way of dealing with double surnames, some filed under surname a and some b). I’d pick and choose which one I used for things as one was foreign and one very common. I had a massive issue with filing for my adult passport one year as my birth certificate had a hyphen whereas my child passport did not so it was rejected and had a whole instance of trying to prove this hyphen existed and I wasn’t trying to commit identify fraud. Sometimes I had issues with booking hotels and holidays with this hyphen and matching it up to my passport, some places don’t acknowledge it as part of a name so that was stressful.
 It did confuse a lot of people who I was at times but I do think it’s becoming more common. In primary school I was known as surname B but at secondary I was surname A for some reason due to the different ways they operated so I kind of got lost in terms of all my past records and things, it confused my classmates and I had a lot of questions about my family setup – probably the worst part as a kid. The only other thing was that it was annoying filling out 12 letters for surname in forms and things that needed signatures (I also have a middle name). Sometimes my name wouldn’t fit in the boxes. 

It also had its benefits. I could sign up for discount codes multiple times and things because I was technically 2 people ha. All in all, not major issues 🙂

Post # 11
Member
9467 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@meganailishx:  You had a hyphenated last name and still had all those issues? Or were you Jane Smith Jones and not Jane Smith-Jones? I feel like everywhere I’ve lived, it’s common knowledge that all of someone’s hyphenated surname is their surname.

Post # 12
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - City, State

View original reply
@Grid:  yes it was hyphenated so Jane ivy smith-Jones and I still had the issues, sometimes the hyphen causing them. Maybe it’s just because it wasn’t/isn’t common where I’m from. When giving my name for the first time many people didn’t realise they were both my last name and assumed I had a double first name (Like Lola rose) despite the hyphen being at the end. 

Post # 13
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
@meganailishx:  we some times have this issue. The name I gave in my other post isn’t our actual name. The first surname we have is also a common first name. Sometime people have assumed it’s a middle name. That hasn’t happened for a really long time though

Post # 14
Hostess
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
@MrsMeowton:  Following because this is what D.H. and I plan to do. Our issue is that we can’t agree on which order our surnames should go!  Our families are both very conservative and have been annoying about me not “just” taking D.H.’s name, and I’m sure they will be horrified by our future child having a hypenated name, but they’ll have to get over it. I didn’t know many kids with hypenated names growing up, but it does seem to be more common these days. Hopefully our kids won’t need too much therapy! 

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