- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: October 2015
DH and I are expecting a baby and are due in January. We have been discussing much more seriously what last name we want to give our child.
Some backstory for those who would like context (if you don’t want it, my question will be in bold below):
DH and I have been married for five years. I never changed my name. We are not close with DH’s family. DH’s family has been incredibly toxic to me throughout the ten years we’ve been together. When it came time for me to change my name after the wedding, I had a full on panic attack and couldn’t go through with it. DH has been incredibly supportive and told me to keep my name, change it, do whatever I want, it doesn’t matter to him. It’s never been an issue for us. On Facebook, my name is hyphenated, but everyone knows I retained my maiden name.
I am also attached to my last name as it may be the only chance for someone to “carry on” the family name. My brother is never having children and we don’t have male cousins to do that, either. It makes me sad to think my name may end with my generation. That may seem silly, but this family name holds so much sentiment for me. Plus, I like the idea of my child having the same name as my parents, two of my siblings, and my grandmother vs a family they will not be seeing/is incredibly toxic.
In the past, we’ve talked about hyphenating our names. I asked DH if he would consider taking on my family name or if we could choose a new one together, but he wasn’t keen on it. He has his reasons, but honestly, it doesn’t matter. He’s not comfortable with it and I respect that 1000%, so I am not going to push that point. He is happy to go with a hyphenated name for the whole family (meaning he will take on my name attached to his and we will give that name to our child) if I like or just for the baby. Our last names are each six letters and two syllables, so it’s nothing wild. Also, they are both just…bland ass last names, so nothing crazy there, either. Think Wilton-Miller.
My question is this: If you grew up with a hyphenated name, how bad is it really? Is it just mild inconveniences or is just really crappy? If you have hyphenated post-wedding, what has your experience been? We are likely going to hyphenate, so I just want to know how much to set aside for a future therapist so my child can gripe.