Post # 1
Kinda long, sorry. I’m basically voicing everything I’m thinking but haven’t disclosed to my husband yet. I’ve made a few previous posts about house hunting/commutes and the like but now I’m kind of freaking out.
The area that we REALLY want to live is very rural and the housing market is basically nonexistent. It’s close to home, has a good school, a 15 minute drive to grocery stores and restaurants, basically everything we want. It has been hard realizing that it could be several years before a home the size we need and the acreage we want becomes available. We had originally wanted to build but even that opportunity is unavailable in this area for the foreseeable future.
We have an appointment to look at a home with 8+ acres and everything my husband has dreamed of having basically his entire life (acreage, barn, cabin, lake, woods, etc). It is 45 minutes away and it honestly scares me. I love the home, it’s beautiful and it’s in a very small secluded town like we are used to (pop 230). But I am worried about missing out on family. Obviously we could spend every weekend in our hometown if we wanted, but random trips throughout the week would be pretty impossible. The home is also right across the eastern/central time zone so we would be an hour behind everyone we know but on the same time zone as my husband’s job. I work for the state so could transfer to any office in any county when positions open so I would only need to commute until a spot becomes available in 1 of 3 counties.
I guess I’m just scared of the change. We would have to get used to an entirely different area where we know NO ONE. We wouldn’t have my parents in the next town over when we have children. All of which have me feeling a little sad.
Post # 2
I live in a big city and it’s over 45 minutes to get to my parents or my sister (we form a triangle, actually. And it’s more like 1 hour+ each way to get to them). My sister and I have concerns about both of us being so far away from my parents as they are getting older and we have had issues in the past getting to them when they need help.
That being said, we want to be there for them, but don’t feel like we need to have them as a daily presence in our lives. Quite the contrary for me, I love my parents, but I’m very happy seeing them once a month and speaking once a week. It allows me to set boundaries and have a healthy marriage.
My in-laws live about 4 hours away and we see/speak to them even less, which is also necessary to set boundaries.
My advice? Get the dream house if the location makes you happy (good schools, proximity to stores and restaurants, etc.). 45 minutes just isn’t that far.
Post # 3
To me 45 minutes is barely anything, I would rather travel for 45 minutes once or twice a week to visit family than do it every day as a commute.
You can visit on a Saturday morning and still be home in the afternoon and you can still swing a mid week visit after work occasionally. Everyone has different expectations with family but I really don’t understand why it would be difficult to maintain relationships with family with only 45 minutes between you.
Post # 4
My husband and I were in a very similar predicament. For two years we lived about 40 minutes away from his parents. We would still drive to see them at least once a week if not twice. It’s not undoable but it does become tedious after a while, specifically because of scheduling around work. For me it meant a lot of the time I was driving to their place straight from work without having time to shower or change, and then having to leave early so I could be in bed at a reasonable time for waking up early the next morning.
We started house hunting recently and our ideal property would have included everything you’re talking about, acreage, lake, etc. But we’ve had a lot of talks about what our #1 real priority is and with kids on the horizon it’s just no question, we want to be around the corner from my husband’s parents. So we’re having to sacrifice on our dream a little. But if I’m being truly honest with myself, my real dream is to have the grandparents be a big enough part of our lives that the kids can see them any day of the week. The house we’re offering on is within walking distance and we’re so excited about it.
I guess all of what I’m trying to say is, neither choice is wrong. But hopefully you and your husband are on the same page about what is MOST important in this house search. Defining that thing really helped us focus our perspective.
Post # 5
I think you are just scared of change.
Don‘t worry about it, everything will be fine! I think that this distance is pretty normal and not far at all!
You can go see them on one weekend and on the next you can do something just the two of you. Or you coul call them more often, face chat, write whatsapps. But I think that the ugly ferling really only will be at the beginning. Once you’ll feel at home in your new house, it will quickly fade away.
Post # 6
We currently live 45 minutes away from my parents and to me it feels extremely close. We usually see them every other weekend (which is plenty for us). Given that many people commute more than 45 minutes to and from work every day, I wouldn’t even consider that to be “far away”. I would absolutely go for your dream house.
Post # 7
I live 3 hours from my parents and 8 hours from my in-laws so 45 minutes sounds really close to me. Personally, I like having a bit of space. We call and text pretty frequently. My parents visit like every other month, we see his parents about 2x a year (in the 3 years we’ve lived here they’ve never visited us so we aren’t really looking to make more of an effort there). We maintain good relationships with them, I wouldn’t be worried at all about 45 minutes.
Post # 8
smalltownbigworld : funnily enough, My parents and sister visit me more often now, at 2000 miles away, than they did when I was only 3 hours. I used to go home for my work vacations (not a teacher but in schools) but only twice a year since my big move. And not at all now with a toddler. With my family it’s not so bad; we get along but don’t talk tons for whatever reason. A few FaceTime calls a month works well. My husband was more worried (about 1000 miles) because his immediate family is bigger, closer to each other and younger. Two have since followed us. They are about 45-an hour away and we get together for dinner or they come help on the property now and then. He talks to at least one brother daily.
I guess you may find you have to put out more effort for awhile, since you’re the one moving. Visit often… 45 minutes so totally doable on a Friday evening, especially in summer. Extend more invitations as well. Show off the new property , encourage camping, have a party. Eight acres will keep you busy anyway… we’ve been here 5 years and still aren’t close to satisfied with the state of our land… less than half that!
Post # 9
I live almost two hours from my mother and my closest friends, actually all of my friends. I’m closer to them now then I ever have been.
Post # 10
45 min is nothing to me so I wouldn’t hesitate if this house has everything you want. My in laws live a 12-hr plane ride away and my parents are a 2-hr flight away and I feel like we still maintain close relationships with them via facetime and pretty frequent visits.
But…. it’s all a matter of perspective! I’ve always been a plane ride away from my family since I went away for college. Just being in driving distance would be huge.
Post # 11
We live an hour drive from his parents and a 3 hour plane ride from mine, I think both are manageable! I see each of them at least once a month but our families are big on traveling and trips together.
Post # 12
I agree that your worries about maintaining family connections are probably just one part of the story. You’re moving to a new place and that’s always a bit nerve-wracking.
45 minutes is nothing. Last summer I moved 6 hours from my parents, and we’re still close. Unless this area so rural that there’s no cell/internet service, you can do it!
Post # 13
Perspective is everything. 45 minutes may seem long to you, but for city people, it takes that long to just get across town. We still maintain relationships with friends and family.
Post # 14
We live 45 minutes from the town our parents live in. We go to see them every Sunday. I talk to my parents every evening on the phone and frequently text them throughout the day. We have a very close relationship. I lived with my parents until I got married, so not seeing them every day was an adjustment, but I think a needed one. As much as I love my parents, weekend visits and daily calls are enough to maintain a strong relationship. I do occasionally spend a weekend with them if my husband is out of town for work.
Post # 15
smalltownbigworld : I think this is just a personal preference.
Some of my family lives about 1 hour and 39 minutes away. But, the other part of my family and my husband’s entire family love across the country. People move far away all the time. Was it easy? No. But, I’m screwed either way I go. I’ll always be away from family. But that’s my situation
Do what’s best for you and YOUR family.