(Closed) Bees who spouses travel OFTEN for work

posted 4 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My husband is also thinking of switching careers.. Tat would require more travel. He does some now, for his current job. We currently have no kids and I can’t imagine trying to work myself and manage babies and thehouse sounds really hard. I wouldn’t want to do it alone and I felt weird telling my hubbY that.

Post # 3
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My Darling Husband travels out of town every week. He does not have a consistent schedule so he is not always home or away on the same days.

I was a single parent before we married so I learned to stand on my own two feet and to treasure “me time”. I now also treasure the time we have together.

Post # 4
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My husband is gone for months at a time, he’s home tonight for his last weekend home for three months. Is it lonely? Yes and no. Of course I miss him terribly, especially at night, but I’ve adapted to where I have activities and projects I save for it that fill most of my time. Video chatting does help a bit, but it’s no replacement obviously. Is it overwhelming? Occasionally there are issues that pop up that are more than I can take care of on my own but they are mostly handyman type things that he could handle. Like when our furnace took a nose dive on a -20 degree weekend night, had Darling Husband been home he would have been able to fix it but I handles it. To be honest, it was worse on Darling Husband knowing he wasn’t here to fix it. He felt helpless and like he was letting us down. Does the distance weaken our relationship? Nope, just the opposite. For us, we tend to take for granted things that the other does when we’re together all the time. He forgets how nice it is that I do his laundry but while he’s gone he has to do his own and I get tons of calls telling me he takes some of the things I do when he’s home for granted. (And vise versa) Also, when we do see each other again, it’s hard to explain but it’s kinda honeymoon phase like. (Lots of “missed you” sex!) Another positive for us, it keeps verbal communication skills Sharp since every single thing has to be verbally conveyed.


There are too many pros and cons to consider as everyone’s travel situation is going to be different but if you ever want specific questions answered feel free to dm me anytime. For us, yes, the money and benefits it’s worth it because his job covers it all (I’m a sahw) and it’s been his job for over twenty years.

I think you’ll get used to it. Its no big deal after awhile to have then leave and it just becomes your families routine.

Post # 5
17 posts

I only have limited experience but I’ll answer anyway. My partner moved in with me in the first month of dating. He did FIFO work on the rigs offshore for two weeks at a time during the first year of our relationship. It was hard the first few times he went away because we were still crazy all over each other but we were always able to use Skype every day to keep in touch. Even if we couldn’t use the video part the chat was left open 24/7 for us to leave sweet messages to each other when we got a chance. When we were both on at the same time in the evenings it was actually a great way for us to have some really in depth conversations about ourselves and life/the future without distractions. 

It felt like Christmas and my birthday wrapped into one every time he came home. I missed him like nothing else and it was so exciting to hear the car pull in late at night. It was like sparks flying when he kissed me at the door! I  found the time while he was away fairly easy as I had my own work and my son to focus on. I was rarely lonely and I didn’t find it overwhelming at all. Mind you my son was already 6 so I did not have tiny babies to care for alone. The only down side for us was the adjustment period when he was first home each fortnight and having to get him into our routine again. He made decent money too which meant that we were able to buy this beautiful house. 

Fortunately he was able to land an even better job in another industry which means he is now home every day, though shift work. While I love having him home and it is easier in some ways in terms of stability for my (now our) son, I would not say no to a situation like that again if it ever came up, even if we had small children. It did really wonderful things for us in my opinion. It certainly did not weaken us. Monday-Thurs would be an even easier adjustment and I would say go for it providing you can keep those lines of communication open and you were not shy about seeking support from family or friends for you and the baby/babies if you need it. 

Post # 7
36 posts

I can give you the flip perspective.  I’m the one who travels for work… 3 weeks a month and 4 days a week.  It’s tough!  My fiancé also travels (military).  You have to trust each other.  You have to communicate OFTEN.  You have to make each other feel like a priority every day.  

I see a lot of cheating on the road… I call it road strange.  I get hit on all the time.  I’m not God’s gift to men by any means but I wasn’t beaten with the ugly stick!  It’s the opportunity they seek, and trust me, they try.  The disappearing wedding ring happens nightly in hotel bars.  

I would never ever cheat and there are many men just as faithful out there.  My colleague is incredibly devoted to his wife.  If I were you, there would be a predetermined timeline set with your hubby.  This is not sustainable for the long term with a new family at home.  Not all costs are financial.



Post # 8
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My partner is away a week of every month interstate. I quite like it, as it means I get to do things I like to do, catch up with friends and be selfish! It’s also healthy to have time apart I think, it make me miss him more. 

Post # 9
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I see my husband a week to two weeks of any given month. He deploys in three week blocks, so he isn’t home very often. It is lonely, and I am bitter (towards his job, not him) about the things I can never get back. The money is nice, but it can never replace lost time. It hasn’t weakened our relationship at all, since our time together is so very precious.

Post # 10
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Monkey786:  I know this post is old, but I thought I’d give my opinion, since I do consulting and am on the road 4 days a week, just like your husband would be. Honestly, I think it’s amazing, but there are pros and cons: 


Free vacations! Most firms let you keep all those hotel and airline points, so basically every vacation I’ve taken over the last four years has been free (SE Asia, Europe, S. America twice, etc, etc). Also, because he travels so much, you get crazy upgrades at all the hotels (in Thailand they gave us a private villa with a pool and it was FREE)

Alone time. You don’t realize you need this, but sometimes it’s nice to have a night to veg out and not do the dishes. As long as they’re done by Thursday, no need to worry! From his perspective, it allows him to focus completely on his job during the week, meaning the weekends can be spent completely focusing on the relationship. I really love this separation in my life and actually feel like it allows me to be a more complete person

Flexibility. While this TOTALLY depends on the firm/project, most consulting firms understand that the lifestyle is not sustainable so they bend over backwards to create flexibility on Fridays and weekends. I usually work from home, and am typically done by 2pm on Fridays

Perks: There are so many perks in consulting for a big firm. Pay is great, but there are also little bonuses. He’ll get to keep the points from his AmEx (gift cards!), usually firms have some sort of “fitness subsidy” (gym is free!) and there are lots of other smaller perks (parties at the office)

Paternity Leave: Most firms have very generous paternity leave policies. My firm had like 2-3 weeks paid leave

The work is awesome. The projects are interesting and fulfilling. That’s SO important. 


Terrible for families: I have seen SO many partners chatting with their crying kids over Skype and it breaks my heart every time. One of my colleagues put it best when he said, “You aren’t going to win father of the year working here”. No matter how hard he tries, being there only 50% of the time simply limits his abilities to be a good parent. 

Infidelity: If you don’t trust him, then this should be an absolutely no-go. I often talk to my fiance about how important trust is in our relationship because it would be ridiculously easy to cheat (for either of us). I’ve seen cheating amongst colleagues countless times, but this truly boils down to the person doing the cheating – most the time they’re a sleezebag anyways. If you trust him, this should be a non-issue

Stress: Consulting is a stressful job. There are tight deadlines, difficult clients, and long hours. It’s better than investment banking, but I’ve had weeks where I worked 120 hours and only slept 2 hours a night (there’s a reason the pay is so high!). It took a toll on my relationships because I was tired and grouchy all the time. That said, I also had projects where I only worked like 35 hours a week. 

Weight Gain: Okay, this is silly, but so true. There’s the “consulting 15” because you’re eating out at nice restaurants all the time. It truly is difficult to balance and is something no one told me about before I went into the job

Bottom line: The job is totally worth it, but be prepared to essentially become a single mom during the week. For the short-term, I think it’s a wonderful profession that will offer lots of exit opportunities for when he is looking to spend more time off the road



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