(Closed) Bees, why does my heart feel like crying? ( Me vent, you help? ) :(

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6 posts

[comment moderated for trolling]

Post # 5
1835 posts
Buzzing bee

I know how you feel – my Fiance and I have spent some time apart throughout our relationship and those times were all REALLY hard on me because I need a lot of physical attention to be emotionally satisfied (lol, that sounds really dirty). But the thing you have to realize is that even in person, once you’ve been together a while some of that stuff does die out – if it bothers you, you gotta talk to him about it. My Fiance had NO IDEA that I was feeling so bad when he stopped being physically attentive until I talked to him about it. Things like that just aren’t as important for him, so he didn’t realize that he was withholding something pretty necessary from me. So definitely talk to him about how you do need some reassurance, even if it feels silly or unnecessary to him.

Definitely talk to him about all your feelings – you pinpointed it correctly that it’s just you, but the more you worry about what he *might* be feeling, the easier it’ll be to convince yourself that *is* how he feels (again, I speak from total experience). So tell him your fears and he’ll probably be able to help you understand that they’re unwarranted.

As far as your family goes, it’s really hard to have your parents disapprove of a choice you’ve made, especially when you know in your heart it’s the right one. I think your idea of doing things that make it appear that your parents have “won” (buying a ring under a grand and telling them retail price, etc.) seems like a pretty good compromise for the time being, but eventually you’re both going to have to decide whether you want them to be in charge or if you want to live a life that is yours.

Post # 6
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@junebug1: Can someone please block this person? She is being extremily rude on all posts and it won’t let me flag for some reason.

Post # 8
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hello there…..sending you big HUGS!!!! I can totally relate to the long distance, hubby and I dated for over 5 and a half years before we got married last month. And here is the kicker……we are now married, and he will be away on business for the first six months of our marriage. Keep holding on, and let him know that your concerned that this might be taking a toll on him and that you love him so much that you want to make sure that he’s okay and that you two are on the same page. I hope this helps! Although I must say that your Fiance sounds like he totally loves you….so smile, and give him a call (talk to him:)

Post # 9
3189 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Legallyblondiebride: I’ve flagged all of them (every time she posts it says this), so hopefully she’ll be gone very soon.

Post # 12
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

knowing that it’s all in your head doesn’t make it feel any better; sorry you’re feeling so down. you have a ton of stress right now, and that can certainly wear a person down. knowing that your Fiance has the same stress, he might be feeling down, too. maybe he’s less communicative because he’s feeling the toll of the distance and doesn’t want to burden you with his thoughts. that doesn’t mean he’s rethinking the relationship, but he might just be trying to protect you from his feelings of missing you, etc. staying connected in frequent positive ways will help raise both your spirits, and it sounds like a good talk about your feelings is in order. whenever SO or I have feelings like that (generally caused by the distance), we call them “demons”. we know they are created from our imaginations and talking them out really helps to make them go away.

I find that the best way to stay connected to my SO is to try and feel connected to the every day parts of life; not in the phone call at the end of the day way (how was your day? fine. how was yours? fine. ……), but in small texts, photos, emails, and even hand-written letters to let him know what you’re up to. send him a postcard with a short note; a picture of your smile in the morning. tell him some of the little things that you love about him or are grateful for. anything that will help him feel like he’s “there” with you… i always tell SO I’m there for him in spirit, so i’ll make up things that my imaginary self is doing (holding hands during a walk through the park, curling up on the couch reading, etc.). seems a little silly, but it helps, and reminds him of the things we love doing together.

you’re in the home stretch… only 6 months to go! be excited about everything that will be here before you know it. hugs and good luck!

Post # 14
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think its totally normal for you to feel that way I feel that way sometimes and I live with my fiancé, sometimes if hes too quiet I think hes unhappy or if he doesn’t tell me he loves me 10 times a day I think hes unhappy..and Im always wrong..its just in my nature to worry or panic.. your fiancé may just miss you and be upset about that and that’s all..I would talk to him about it though it will make you feel better and he can tell you your crazy and you can tell him you need reassurance and all will be well! J

Post # 15
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I totally feel you, what a tough situation!  You’re probably just feeling (understandably) insecure, but if you’re feeling stuff that you’re not sharing with him, it could create the very distance that you’re worried is there.  Maybe you should share exactly what you shared with us, possibly in writing?  I’m not suggesting an email convo, it just might be good to make sure you’re saying what you mean to say in a non-accusatory way, that you don’t forget anything, and that he has time to really think about it before being expected to discuss it with you on the phone.  Guys can have a hard time when they have to just jump into emotional convos and either get defensive, or just don’t have time to really figure out how they feel about a certain subject.

By The Way, I think the way you’ve stood up to your parents is really admirable!  I’m sure he appreciates it, too, and is happy to have such a strong woman to spend the rest of his life with.

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