(Closed) Bees with a mother or father that remarried?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

We are going thru something like this now too.  My dad’s g/f of three years moved in to his and my mom’s house (my mom passed away) and she has removed EVERYTHING that in the house, including the toilets.  There is nothing in that house, that was ever there before.  Replaced with the pics of her two kids & grandkid, she even has a wedding picture up of her and her ex-husband (who cheated on hr) and my parents wedding pictures are in storage.   I have about 13 nieces and nephews, no pics up of them any longer.  She’s not a mean person she’s just … unthinking and careless.   We all used to go over there all the time, infact for most of my life my brother and his wife and three kids lived there with us all.  Now… no one stops by, you have to call days in advance to see if you can stop by and most the time it’s a polite “we’re busy”. 

I completely get what you’re going thru, but you have you’re own life you’re getting ready to start with someone, and in a few years would you really want to know your dad is sitting at home, alone and relying on you and your family for his happiness?  You have to take a step back and think not about yourself but about if this woman makes him happy and she’s not hurting him… you kind of have to let it go.  It’s hard, it takes time.

Good Luck

Post # 4
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My husband and the father of my children passed away 3 and a half years ago.  I just got engaged, and my fiance moved into our house a week ago.  

We aren’t staying in this house forever.  Next year, after my youngest is off to college, we will be moving into something that is our house, not my house. Meanwhile, my daughter and I are doing what we can to make him feel welcome.  If that means making some changes, well, we need to make changes. There are still family pictures of my late husband up on the picture wall, and my daughter has pictures of him in her room.  But we have pictures of my fiancee’s family up too, because it’s his home also.

It’s interesting, as my daughter who still lives at home is happy I’m moving ahead with my life. She’s good with changes, and voices opinions when we are changing too much.  (Yes, we are keeping the old couch…)  But the daughter that was away at college when her dad died, and has been home only for holidays since, she is less sure of the changes.  I believe she didn’t see her mom sad and lonely, so she’s not convinced I need to move on.  But the younger one was happy when I finally started dating again, as she didn’t feel as responsible for me.  

Your fathers have not forgotten your mothers.  It is their happy marriage that makes them want to find that kind of happiness again.  But these new ladies are not, and will never be your mothers.  It is a different relationship with them, with different rules, and it will take time to get used to.  But as HisIrishPrincess says, what you really want is to see them happy.

 

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I felt this way when my Father re-married.

I used to think she was just uncomfortable with myself and my siblings because we had our own lives and weren’t hanging out with our Father every weekend.

But, his wife is a raging $itch. Hardcore, no doubt about it. She has been completely 100% rude, crazy, passive aggresive, un-cooperative, hurtful, abusive, etc. towards every single person in my Father’s life (family and friends). While a close relative was on their death bed; she told my 14-year-old sibling that we’d had our Father’s attention for long enough….that now it was her turn (crazy much?).

99% of his friends do not talk to him anymore and the few members of family he has left cannot stand being around his wife for longer than a few minutes.

My Mom has had a steady boyfriend for over a year. He is a very nice guy with a great sense of humor. I’m glad my Mom is finally happy after decades of staying in a loveless marriage just to keep her children at a good school and try to keep the family together. She deserves happiness and has asked through-out her dating experiences if we are uncomfortable at all (which is considerate, inclusive and shows she values our opinions and accepts our maturity as adults). 

I would be more than happy to have my Mom and her boyfriend at my wedding. My Dad may possibly be invited; his wife will be escorted off the property if she tries to set foot anywhere near us or anyone else at the wedding. 

 

Post # 6
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Both of my parents are remarried.  It took a few years to get comfortable with the idea, but eventually I did feel connected to them.  It’s very hard though and I think that this is something that often gets overlooked when adult parents are getting remarried.

Post # 8
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@HayleyJane: Glad I’m not the only one with a crazy family. 

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