(Closed) Bees with Asperger’s spouses/SOs.

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My father has Asperger’s but he didn’t find out until he was 50! He had to attend a mandatory psych session for work and the diagnosis was just kind of made – nothing really prompted it. So I’ve grown up with it (unknowingly). One of best friend’s long term SO has it as well and I hear her concerns/complaints all the time. Did you have any questions? I’m not sure what to tell you!

Post # 4
Bee
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

Mr. D has kind of self-diagnosed himself as being on the spectrum. A family member was diagnosed and it made things click for him.

When we first got together his bluntness kind of bothered me but I’m pretty used to it now. Our biggest struggle is with communication because I still have a hard time understanding that when he says something there is no hidden meaning to it, it just is what it is. On the upside he’s basically incapable of lying. He does the talking too much about one subject when social cues should be telling him his audience is bored thing, but I think that’s his own battle to fight if he feels like fighting it.

Overall it doesn’t really have a huge effect on our relationship anymore.

Post # 6
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

No formal diagnosis, but my fiance convinced himself that he had it after some kind of diagnostic quiz they all took for fun in a high school class.  He is very mathematically minded, was a socially awkward kid, and has had somewhat obsessive interests at times.  But he doesn’t really have the social difficulties that come with Aspergers.  

I have a lot of characteristics of Asperger’s myself for what it’s worth.  My theory is that there are a lot of people who wouldn’t qualify for diagnosis but nonetheless have many aspie tendenacies.  For me, I know I struggle with interpreting social cues, spent my childhood obsessed with weather maps, and am extremely literal.  But it is nothing like my cousin’s struggle.  He has full-blown Asperger’s, and is so sensitive to noises, textures, and tastes that he has difficulty functioning in everyday life situations.  

Did you read the article a few months back about people with Asperger’s in relationships?  Think it was in the NYTimes.

Post # 7
Bee
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

I read a book early in our relationship that helped, FWIW — something like Love, Sex, and Aspergers?

Post # 8
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Isn’t it rare in women? My Fiance is always convinced I have it because I hate eye contact and irritating noises (I’ve seriously almost smacked him over nailbiting noises). I like to think we’re all a little ecentric, just some more than others.

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Does he have a hard time gauging facial expression/tone? Does he adjust his interactions with you accordingly when you’re happy or sad?

Post # 10
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

FYI Aspergers will very likely be eliminated as a diagnosis next year when the new DSM is published. Instead, it will fall on the spectrum of autism as “mild autism”.

Post # 11
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Pinksapphire:  My SO has asperger’s/HFA and as a result he has some traits that make him an amazing partner. At the same time, I occasionally worry about him. Some of the other things that make up this “disability” have prevented him from persuing or landing jobs before and it sucks because I know he tries really hard. 

Post # 12
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Not my Fiance, but I am. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@vorpalette:  As am I. I have been formally diagnosed HFA as per the the new guidelines of the DSM5.  I have to do social situations through thinking and logic vs the instinct others have.   I also have bad sensory days 🙁  

 

P.S.  Bees, please don’t kill me for resurrecting an old thread. I have been looking for a way to say this, and apologise if I seem weird here on the ‘Bee. Jewellery is one of my ‘obessions’, too, haha. 

Diana

Post # 14
Member
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but everything points to me having Asperger’s/being on the spectrum. I have sensory issues, and topics/things I’m really into. After many years, I sometimes still struggle with social cues/nuances.

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