Post # 1
So I have a Step mom who’s a nightmare. Can’t stand her, my family can’t stand her, I do my best to get along with her but it’s a struggle. Dad left my mom to be with this woman who is 9 years older than I am. I’ve made peace with it all but she’s AWFUL.
The seating chart is going to be the one thing that definitely caused me an anxiety attack – and I have to have one because we’re having a plated meal with a choice, no way around it.
SM actually had the audactity to tell me to make sure not to put her and my mom at the same table – REALLY!!?
My mom has said she would be the bigger person and deal with sitting at the same table if it was what I wanted (I love the idea of having our families sit at the same table – especially seeing as they really don’t know each other). But I dont’ want to cause drama. I also have divorced grandparents, one of whom is remarried to the woman he had a 20 year affair with…
WHAT DO I DO!?!
Post # 3
@MsGinkgo: Your Mom was being very gracious when she said she could deal with sitting at the same tabe, but I think it’s time to give up your dream. Your parents are no longer together. If your Mom, your SM, Dad and ? (if your Mom is in a relationship) got along well, it would be different, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
Why make your Mom endure a tense evening sitting at the same table with a woman you hate?
I would find another way to seat them- Mom and ? with some of your family members, Dad and SM with some of his family members and FI’s family at their own table.
Post # 4
@julies1949: oh yeah, knowing my stepmom, I’m not going to do it (although I’m tempted to put her at a table in the corner by herself just out of spite). I just really have no idea how I’m going to figure this out – my family is so freaking complicated and my dad’s whole family hates my SM and she’s nasty to them all (which is why they don’t like her) so no matter who’s stuck sitting with her it’s going to suck for them.
Post # 5
I put my father and his wife at a table, and my mother at a separate table with my siblings. There was no way I was going to force my mom to sit at a table and stare at my father’s wife.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MsGinkgo: Don’t seat them at the same table. I sat my mom and stepmom at the same table at my first wedding because I thought they would be fine and I wanted my family to sit together. I found out months later that my mom said something extremely rude to my stepmom in front of my stepmom’s daughter that completely hurt her feelings and was completely inappropriate of my mother to say. So this time I am keeping them separated and I have asked both of them to politely avoid one another so there are no hurt feelings that day.
Seat mom at one table and dad with stepmom at another. Let dad’s family deal with her. It sucks for them but they’ll get over it.
Post # 7
@MsGinkgo: We are having the same type of reception (plated meal, etc), and have split families, whom are seemingly children in this process, and have also already ‘requested’ whom they do or do not want to sit by 🙂 In lieu of this, I have decided to do the following:
Table on one side of the room – closest to our head table – will be grooms father, grooms father gf, grooms grandma, and aunts/uncles.
On that same side, one table over will be brides father, brides father’s date, brides grandparents and aunts/uncles.
Table on other side of the room – closest to the other end of our head table – will grooms mother, grooms stepfather, grooms grandma and aunts/uncles.
Table on that same side, one table over will be bride’s grandma, and bride’s aunt/uncles.
They will be ‘far enough’ away from one another, and not seated at the same table, etc. Seems so silly to have to do it this way, but it is what it is!!
Post # 8
@MsGinkgo: what is FI’s family like? Can you sit SM and Dad with them?
Post # 9
@MsGinkgo: Hi there. I admire you wanting the families to get to know each other beforehand. However, if I was either of them, especially your mom, I would find it awkward at best and I might find it took away some of my enjoyment of the reception.
As a future SM with a salty relationship with his ex, it would be my pleasure NOT to sit at the same table as the ex-wife. I’d rather socialize with the groom’s family at a pre-wedding event than try to get to know them at the reception.
Post # 10
My parents are divorced, my dad has moved on with a happy relationship that we are very supportive of and my mom has become bitter/jaded over the years towards him.
Despite it being ideal if my family could sit together at one table, I believe one should come to terms that their family is no longer “one family unit” since the parents are seprated and respect their decision to divorce by seating them at separate tables. It depends on the state of their relationship after their divorce, whether they are happily civil towards each other or not. In my situation, my parents are not civil towards each other so I need to respect their decision.
For my wedding, I will have my dad and step-mom seated at one table with my future in-laws. My mom and siblings will sit together at a different table, not in close proximity.
Post # 11
@MsGinkgo: my Maid/Matron of Honor had the same issue at her wedding. She sat her dad and his awful, awful golddigger of a wife at a totally separate table that wasn’t even close to her mom. I understand your desire to have the whole family together at one table, but the reality is that is just not the nice, or right thing to do.
Post # 12
@cantonbride: FH’s family doesn’t think too highly of SM (they hear stories) so that’s probably not a good idea.
I”m not going to put them together, I guess what bugs me the most is that my mom should be the one who has a problem but it’s my SM who’s the complete PITA. My parents are civil and do their best to get along for their kids and I know they would do whatever I wanted because it’s my wedding. realistically I wouldn’t put them at the same table, I just can’t believe she felt the need to instruct me not to do so.