Post # 1
Bees I really need some advice.
My best friend’s boyfriend is currently deployed in Afghanistan with the Marines. Lately she has had a hard time as all the other girlfriends receive letters and she doesn’t. She has spoken to him on the phone but it has been a few weeks and he said he was sending a letter. Then his parents received a phone call the other night, but she still hasn’t. Quite a few men in his group have been killed lately and I just don’t know how to comfort her. She is so worried and stressed and I feel like I can’t say anything that will make it any easier for her. She doesn’t have the support system within her family like she should, but does have her friends, my family, and his family. Is there somewhere I should direct her to where other women communicate? I really just am at a lost for what to do for her…
Post # 3
All you can do is what you are likely already doing: listen. Words can’t make it better.
There’s no way to make this easier on her- but I would reassure her the phone call he made to his parents is no biggie (I got a little jealous when my husband was in OCS and called his parents over me- I hate admitting it, but it’s the ugly truth).
As far as letters, he’s probably really busy and stressed. There is a small possibility their relationship is moving in a different direction (don’t tell her that) so be ready to be supportive in the event he has a change of heart.
As far as directing her to a place to communicate there are several great online forums that are branch specific. All she needs to do is a google search of “marine wife or girlfriend” those ladies will listen and offer her advice.
You’re doing everything you can- so don’t stress too much. When people choose to be with someone in the military the stress of deployment/separation is a part of the relationship.Tell her to keep writing him supprotive and upbeat letters and emails- it lets him know she’s thinking about him and reminds him what he has to come home to.
You’re a good friend 🙂
Post # 4
My little brother in in the Marines and was deployed to Afghanistan about a month ago. My family and I haven’t heard anything in about two weeks. They are on missions and in a part of the country where they are the first military presence (khandahar.) My brother’s fiancee is ripping her hair out because she hasn’t heard anything (as am myself and the rest of my family.) It’s tough times so I defnitely feel for your friend. We got word the other day that 9 men from his platoon had been killed (including my bro’s best friend.) It’s been really scary. But I would advise the best thing you can do is let your friend vent and just be her shoulder during this time. To help with some of the stress, I know my mom has connected (via facebook) with some of the other Marine’s mothers and gfs/wifes/fiances. Maybe if she knows of any of his other Marine friends she can try that.
Good luck and best wishes! I pray every day these guys all come home safe.
Post # 5
Send her over to CinCHouse.com. It is a community composed of women who are dating, engaged to, or married to men in the military. There are always women on the board who are dealing with deployments, communication issues, and everything else the military throws at us. I find the site useful whether or not PenguinGuy is deployed!! I love the ladies there, one of them was the reason I joined the Bee!
Other than that, I would recommend the book Separated by Duty, United in Love by Shellie Vandevoorde.
::hug:: keep being the awesome friend you are. 🙂
Post # 6
Thank you for the advice ladies, I am very thankful for it.
@Penguingal06 I’ll recommend her that book for sure! Thanks!
Post # 7
Listen, help distract her, let her talk and talk.
I’m in the same place as your friend, and my best friends have been there for me more now than ever, and it means so much to me–just them spending time with me, talking, etc. Keep on doing what you’re doing. 🙂
Post # 8
Is she involved with her FRG? Getting involved there might kind of be a distraction and they usually get any news first.
Post # 9
The best thing you can do it listen and be patient.
When Fiance joined the military, we had already been together for 3 years. We went from seeing each other every day to him being in basic where there is hardly any/no communication. My best friend just listened to me talk for hours. She really helped me get through all of it and keep my sanity.