(Closed) Bees…i need some advice :)

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

What is it that makes you feel that way? its too exhausting? you feel like you are wasting time??

Post # 4
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens

Can you work out some kind of trade? Rub his back for X amount of time and then either switch – or he takes you out to dinner – or empties the dishwasher?

Another idea would be to give him gift certificates to get a professional massage.

Fiance isn’t crazy about giving me massages either so he’ll buy me a pedicure instead. Or something like that.

Post # 6
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens

All the more reason to get him that as a gift! Things that people would never ever buy for themselves are good presents 🙂

Post # 7
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

What’s the reason he wants a massage? If it’s to be closer to you and it leads to other things I definitely think the “exchange of favors” could work.

If he’s just stress and likes the feel, find him a masseuse! You can get relatively inexpensive massages from someone who’ll do a dang good job.

Edit: k, I just read your last. Maybe get him a gift certificate so he has to use it for that? Otherwise I don’t know–maybe get some massage oil that you really like the smell of and play music so you have something else to focus on?

Post # 8
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Do you use massage oil?  That sometimes makes it easier to massage than if you aren’t using anything at all….

I don’t think there’s anything that will make you like giving them – except for embracing the knowledge of how happy it makes him.  

Post # 10
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I actually find giving massages to be super relaxing. I like the quiet and the focus of it. Then again, I took a relaxation massage course a while back, and it helps when you feel comfortable with all the basic techniques.

Maybe buy some yummy smelling massage oil to use on him? In my class we always used massage oil with a little almond oil mixed in and it smelled just heavenly.

Post # 11
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I agree with the exchange of favors. It works fabulously for us.

Post # 12
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@oracle: I second this. Using massage oil makes it way less effort, and moisurizes hands at the same time.

Post # 13
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Personally, I find giving someone a proper massage, i.e. with a decent amount of pressure, to be the most exhausting thing ever!  I don’t know how massage therapists do it!  I want to give Fiance massages to help him relax and make him feel loved, but he needs me to really dig and put all my weight into it, and after a couple minutes I’m absolutely wiped out.  It also doesn’t help that I have really weak arms – no upper body strength whatsoever.  (It’s totally not the same for him giving me a massage – I barely need any pressure at all, and he’s a big strong guy.)

Anyway, I like PPs’ ideas.  I don’t really have any to add, but I wanted to let you know I think I know how you feel.  🙂

Post # 14
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

Ooooh I feel you on this one! I don’t mind doing it but I get lazy.

Can you get a set-up going in front of the TV? I always find giving massages much more pleasurable for me if I’m watching a good movie at the same time. I give my Fiance a back massage/scratch almost every night and I don’t mind because I’ve got Gossip Girl or Supernatural going in the background for me to focus my mind on.

Post # 16
361 posts
Helper bee

I guess I am just lazy and once I get into bed I wanna sleep….that sounds so selfish….

Maybe changing when the massage happens will help. I have a massage table and don’t mind giving them, but when I go to bed, I am not laying down because I want to get back up and give someone a massage. Maybe setting aside some time earlier in the evening to do the massage and separating it from your desire to sleep will help.

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