Before Babies, You Need To…

posted 1 year ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
3085 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

TheGridMonster :  OMG I was going to say the EXACT same thing! 😂 Our daughter was a big surprise, so there was no “planning” involved. I’m 35 and I’d still take naps every day if I could. Hell, I did today. I love sleep more than anything. Ever. Except maybe tacos. And queso. Mmmmm….. 🤤

Post # 17
Member
798 posts
Busy bee

Careers we don’t have to devote our life to

a house

a car

stable in our relationship

a good amount of savings

marriage

 

we got most of them but the new house wiped out our savings and the wedding will wipe out what we will be saving in the next 6 months until we tie the knot. But we are trying for number 2 after the wedding and will save when I’m pregnant so we should have A good amount of savings when number 2 arrives, then a couple of years after that hopefully we will be moving to our forever home! 

Post # 18
Member
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

1. Stable jobs

2. Stable marriage

3. Own our own home

4. Health insurance + supplemental income (we pay into AFLAC) 

5. Pay down some debt

We’re already stable and have all of this just paying some debt down. Don’t believe you need to be 100% debt free because I’m not paying 50k in student loans before having a kid. They’re manageable for us to pay and still have a kid. Plus my loans will be forgiven after 10 years as long as I stay in my public service position. Also we only want one kid so it stops there. I think it’s important you know for yourself what’s important or you shouldn’t even consider it. 

Post # 19
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

For me personally:

1) Marriage

2) A working car

3) Decent emergency savings

4) Solid income with health insurance and maternity leave plan

5) Any big trips that are a must and that are hard to do with kids. For us that was a month long honeymoon in the UK and Iceland.

 

Post # 20
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Oh, and +1 to Sansa on getting mental and physical health in good shape. 

Post # 21
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

A good position in both yours careers 

Own a house

Well travelled 

Lots of savings and less debt.

Post # 23
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Sooo… pre-TTC my list probably had a lot more stuff on it. But when you feel like you’re ready a lot of stuff on your list can kinda go out the window.

Now, I think the only thing you really NEED is a solid marriage. Everything else is a bonus. If your husband is committed 100% and shows up for you, I truly believe you’ll figure out the rest. 

And I’m not downplaying the other things – having a house is great. Being financially sound would make things a HECK of a lot easier. And being established in your career and well-traveled is great too. But people manage to raise kids without.

I wanted a house before we had a baby – but it doesn’t make sense for us. We want to move to a different state in a couple of years and we aren’t willing to wait until Darling Husband is 37 to start trying. We both have jobs and it makes it easier that I work for a large company that seems to really care about its employees and handles maternity leave well. We have a lot of females in our leadership roles and many of them have taken time off with the company so they know what it’s like. Darling Husband and I could be in a better place financially because he’s carried some debt into our marriage from a prior relationship, but we are making steady progress on that.

Don’t even get me started on how much day care costs in this area. But… we still feel ready!

Post # 24
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee

Sleep. You need to sleep.

Post # 25
Member
725 posts
Busy bee

For hubby and I it’s being married, buy a house (both of those items are checked off). Also stable jobs, reliable cars (both checked). On paper we are “ready” but we’d really like to recoup some savings we lost on our house down payment recently. Also we have some home cosmetic updates we’d like to put our money towards right away. Besides that it’s really just enjoying our youth. I’m 26 and he is 28 so we aren’t in a hurry but it’s definitely on our mind. we are loosely talking summer/fall 2019 to start trying. Leading up to that we have another tropical vacation planned and we really just want to relish being a married couple in our first home. Enjoy some more alone time, friend time, drink time 😂 and  sleepy time. Basically just enjoy being selfish for awhile longer. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Post # 26
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2020

1. Marriage 
2. Enough income or savings for me to be a SAHM.

That’s it for us, that’s all we need

In a perfect world we would also like to own/ build our own home… but I don’t think we’ll be willing to wait that long.

Post # 27
Member
1717 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Finish my MBA.

Travel to at least Asia and 8 more countries. 

I am doing my MBA right now. I am going to 2 new countries in the next 3 months and then 5 by August. We hope to head to Asia for that trip next October, so that’ll hit that goal and then at least 3 more countries. 

Post # 28
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

For me, it was get married, be in a job with good maternity benefits, and buy a house. 

One and two are done, but we’re waiting for a new build house to be built, and it’s likely to take over a year. We’re willing to wait as it’s our ideal home. I don’t want to TTC beforehand even though we know we’ll be in the house eventually, as being on maternity pay for 12 months could risk the mortgage and moving with a baby doesn’t sound fun! 

Knowing we’re “pre-TTC” means I’m making the most of lie-ins, glasses of wine in front of the telly, and spontaneously leaving the house! It doesn’t help baby fever though, especially as our parents are both basically demanding grandbabies.

Post # 29
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

For me: lots of travel, a stable job and good income, marriage, own a house.

We’ve already hit these: been all over Europe, Asia, and Africa; both in solid, high earning positions; our new house is currently being built.

Theoretically we could start trying whenever but we are enjoying our first year as just being a married couple without obsessing over TTC and babies. 

Post # 30
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

So generally speaking I would say the #1 thing is a great relationship with your partner.  You should live together and have figured out how to do life together, be a good team, have great communication and have already established a good rhythm.  It’s going to go to sh*t when the baby arrives, but if you can’t figure it out PREBABY, you are doomed afterwards! LOL

Financially, stable job(s) are most important, preferably with good benefits.  Owning a house is ideal but it’s more important you have room in your budget (which hopefully already includes savings) for another mouth to feed, diapers, etc.      

Spend some time pre-baby enjoying life as a couple, probably involving some travel.  The length of that time will vary though..  For us it didn’t work to take a year to enjoy being married because I was already 33 and we wanted to have kids asap.  I’m glad we didn’t wait and I don’t regret it at all.  It took us almost a year TTC with our second/my current pregnancy, and at 36, I was getting a little nervous.  I really didn’t expect to have issues TTC and it kind of made me wish we hadn’t waited so long between kids.

 

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