Before Babies, You Need To…

posted 1 year ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

We are still on the fence about kids, but ours is travel before kids. We wanted to take at least 2 large trips and a few smaller trip before really sitting down and talking about what our future will hold. His family is older and not really able to watch a kid for us if we left town and many of the trip we want to take right now, wouldn’t be good with a kid in tow. 

So far plan is going well. We had a dream honeymoon, took a small trip with a friend, going on another large European vacation with another US trip with friends planned for next year. 

Up next will be making the budget. But that’s a bit out for now. 

Post # 32
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

We have to buy a house! We have a one bedroom apartment right now and our lease is ending soon we don’t want to worry about finding a house and moving while I’m pregnant so we are waiting until after. Also, at the rate we’re at now if we wait til we settle into a home before getting pregnant we should have my student loans paid off which would make it easier for me to leave my job when the baby is born so I can be a stay at home mom!

Post # 33
Member
426 posts
Helper bee

We’re just starting to TTC so I have a lot of things I wante to do prior  (I’m 31)

  • School done- undergrad and grad
  • stable career
  • home in area w/ good schools
  • travel to all of the far places that would be hard w/ kids (asia/europe) 
  • no debt (except mortgage)  so cars paid off/student loan/any CC
  • 6mon living expenses + an additional 20k buffer in bank
  • marriage in a good place

 

Obviously everyone is different, I am very financially conservative so my list is diff.

Post # 36
Member
426 posts
Helper bee

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dreamreve1 :  you sound just like me last year! I just finished my mba this past May and the summer prior we did our class trip to southeast asia. It was AMAZING! So glad I did that before kids.  I did an evening MBA program, so I worked full time and simultaneously planned a wedding, sold our home and built a new house.  One girl in my program had two babies throughout the three years. No clue how she did it. 

 

Are you full time or part?   

Post # 37
Member
426 posts
Helper bee

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glitterati :  I understand the point of the article (especially given my parents had me at older ages), but I don’t really agree with it. 

I don’t see it as subtracting years with my future children. Afterall, there are no guarentees in life. No guarentee I will live a certain age or that my future children will want to live near me past the age of 18. 

 

The way I see it, every child born deserves to be born to loving parents who want and are ready to have them.  Quality of life (for the parents and the child) over quantity of life. 

Post # 38
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

For me, the most important things were a stable, secure marriage and having our finances in order.

Having a child is one of the most stressful things you can do to your marriage; it is also irreversible. A newborn baby is going to bring you a lot of joy, but also a lot of stress. You will be more tired than you ever have been in your life. You will want to kill your husband when he sleeps through the baby crying at 2 am (again). You have to have a very loving, kind, stable relationship to get through the ups (and downs) of having children. 

Children are also incredibly expensive. There are a ton of ‘start-up costs’ (car seat, stroller, crib) and high monthly costs (daycare, diapers, formula) to consider. When kids get older, they get even more expensive (college). Having savings and a reliable source of income makes the financial burden of children easier. 

I should mention that I got married at 32, so I did not have a lot of time for ‘bucket list’ items before having kids. I do think it helped to have my 20s to live irresponsibly. (traveling on a whim, spending my entire paycheck, drinking until 2 am, sleeping in until noon) It was helpful to get all of that out of the way so I was ready to settle down and be a mature and responsible parent. 

 

 

Post # 39
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m WTT right now. The only thing stalling it is the fact that we aren’t married yet. That was my one stipulation. We already have careers, own cars and a house, we’re financially secure, and we travel quite a bit. We’re ready to start a family, but I won’t willingly conceive a child with a man I’m not married to.

I’m 31 and he’s 39, and he has two older boys from his first marriage.

Post # 40
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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financegal87 :  I am full time! My program is accelerated so only one year. I knew if I didn’t do it before we had kids, I wouldn’t. It’s hard enough doing it without kids! I also can’t imahine doing this while pregnant and/or a newborn. Omg id probably die. 

Post # 42
Member
3111 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Have a solid relationship and be financially stable. We have a house but we could have easily done it in an apartment, at least just with one child, we didn’t have a car for the first 1.5 years of my daughter’s life but my husband works from home and we live in an area that’s very walkable and used car share for anything else. We traveled a bit which I’m glad for because we haven’t traveled at all with my daughter, but we plan to in the future. We don’t have any family nearby so we almost never have someone to babysit, for us this meant going on dates before she was born, seeing movies, nice dinners etc because we almost never do that now. Everyone will have different priorities.

Post # 43
Member
618 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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financegal87 :  Sure, but I think it makes a strong case for stable parents-to-be abandoning arbitrary checklists for the exact reason you mention: there are no guarantees in life. I also don’t see an obvious correlation between three bedroom houses in the suburbs and quality of life. 

I don’t have much else to contribute to this thread except to say that it’s surprising to see how many women believe children need to be born into traditional families in order to be happy and successful. Maybe this is regional, but I have a number of friends raising healthy, joyful adopted and biolgical children by themselves or in untraditional family units. 

Post # 44
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

The things is, after you have kids you realize that your life isn’t actually over. You can still go back to school, travel, and run a marathon after you have kids. Sure the first few years are rough, but soon enough they’re in school and you get your own life back a bit. Before you know it they’ve moved out of the house and your empty nesters who have time to visit every country in the world.

Post # 45
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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glitterati :  I was raised by a single mother and saw how much she struggled. I do not want to do that to myself or my child(ren), if I can avoid it.

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