Before I Gave Birth I Wish I'd Known….

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 76
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee

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courtneysokal :  omg please don’t apologise! you wrote exactly what I was thinking about the PP’s terrible advice telling readers do just leave the hospital. I get that she had a bad experience but that’s just so irresponsible. 

Post # 77
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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sophx8 :  FWIW, my second time my milk came in on time so it may happen for you, too. There’s a BF’ing post lately that has good advice. Congrats and best wishes for a safe and healthy mama and baby!

Post # 78
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I second having a doula!! Absolutely worth the money and it allowed my Darling Husband to support me emotionally without having to worry about doing anything else. My doula also stepped in when they were going to deliver DS with forceps and asked why they weren’t trying the less invasive ventouse first (particularly as I hadn’t had an epidural so forceps could have been extremely painful). The doctor agreed to try ventouse and lo and behold baby came out! I think having a doula there really made everyone aware that there was someone advocating very strongly for my choices and if necessary, would question decisions and make sure I was 100% happy before anything was done to me. 

Post # 79
Member
726 posts
Busy bee

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happyjuju :  I stand by what I said given the experience I had. My daughter was far better off at home than at hospital, my mental health was far better at home than at hospital! If OP’s experience is anything like mine I hope she has the strength to leave ASAP

 

of course if you’re loving hospital then by all means stay as long as they’ll have you! But I would have thought that was just common sense!

Post # 80
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3178 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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Beth7210 :  I agree with you on getting out of hospital as soon as you feel able. I was only in for 19 hours and mostly that was because I gave birth at 9:30pm and so they kept me in until the morning so I could rest.

This time I would like to be out as soon as possible as I was much more comfortable at home (but then I would also like a home birth)

My hairdresser had a baby 4 days before me in the same hospital. She was in the birth centre and was only in hospital for 6 hours. It was her third though and he was super quick. She wanted to be at home as soon as too.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to not be in hosptial. If all has gone well and you are OK and baby are OK def try to get home. But then I say that knowing that we have a huge amount of support which visits you at home as standard. The midwife came to see me at home about 3 hours after we got back.

Post # 81
Member
726 posts
Busy bee

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Twizbe :  I stopped seeing my midwife ASAP too (but my midwife was terrible too, I think it’s just my area though, everyone who had my midwife said how shocking she was) 

 

I think being classed as a ‘young’ mum has meant nearly every medical person I knew through my pregnancy, birth and afterwards has been condescending towards me and the way I look after my baby. But my child is breastfed, sleeps through the night (has done since she was 8 weeks old) and is such a happy and content baby it’s great! I think I’m a great mum. I struggled through breastfeeding (the first 4 weeks she wouldn’t let me touch her whilst I fed her, I literally had to plank over her to feed her), she fed every hour (sometimes half an hour) for 4 months during the day, we struggled through reflux, she wouldn’t sleep in her crib at first so I put her in her pram, she wouldn’t sleep in our room for 3 months, she cried as soon as we took her up, so I slept on the sofa next to her instead. She’s never been the worst child ever but I worked hard to get her to be the beautiful and clever baby she is now. Motherhood isn’t easy no matter how old you are. I just felt judged for our decision to be young parents and I think people did push us a lot more because we are young parents. But we CHOSE this and we do a great job. My birth was traumatic to say the least, but so was the level of care and the respect I got from the people I trusted during my most vulnerable moments

Post # 82
Member
3178 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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Beth7210 :  Sounds like you really did have  bad time and you should complain. I have been so lucky that all the midwives I have seen (last pregnancy and this) have been fantastic. My post natal midwife was such a mumsy type she was so nice to me.

Perhaps there is something in what you say. I was a FTM at 32 and I am 34 now so perhaps they do treat me a bit differently to a 20 year old.

I think it does make a difference that my hospital is a teaching one too. They have so many students they need to set a good example (and all the student midwives were so nice too)

A lot of my friends gave birth at another hospital and I definitately had the better experience. We live right on the boarder of two London Boroughs so we got a choice and I went with the one I did because my hairdresser had had her other 2 there and said it was amazing.

I have found in general though that they do treat first and second time mums differently. My booking in appointment was very different not least because I had done it before she didn’t question any of my preferences and was very encouraging of a home delivery.

Post # 83
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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Twizbe :  interesting, I think we might be using the same hospital! Would you be able to PM me the name of the hospital? Would be good to chat to someone who’s delivered there before. If it’s the one I’m thinking of, there are about 5000 births a year there so it’s still pretty anonymous!

Post # 84
Member
3178 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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marriedbliss :  PM away

Post # 85
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

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tiffanybruiser :  Funny that my original post has the most “helpful” clicks on this thread. I guess the few who took exception to what I said are just being the most vocal.

I had a baby who was in the NICU after he was born. Without those “crap” nurses, the surgeon, and the rest of the hospital staff and midwives, my baby and I would both be dead. So forgive me for being sensitive to people providing blanket statements about medical staff that are derogatory, irresponsible, and untrue. I’m sorry that the poster we are referring to had a bad experience. No mother should have to bring their child into the world that way. However, I too stand by my original post and would never advise anyone to leave the hospital as soon as “they” think they are medically ready. Nor would I advise anyone to stay at home if they can; that is a personal decision and dependant on so many factors.

As someone who went into pregnancy and birth planning a medication-free, “natural” birth, I am eternally grateful to modern medicine for saving the lives of my child and I, and hope that others reading this thread will not be afraid of hospitals and nurses when putting together their birth plan.

Also, I am not defensive.

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