(Closed) Before the Planning Begins — things you won’t learn from the Knot

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My apologies, but I’m supremely confused about this post.

Post # 4
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@aspasia475: Fantastic history lesson and observation!

My mom had me be a “stay at home daughter’ from my youth till engagement. She put me as  an apprentice under my grandmother, learning how to cook, clean , sew, iron, prepare a guest bedroom, decorate, prepare meal plans, table settings and such for not just “family” dinners but special occasions and dinner parties with their friends and co-workers.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i remember my sister having a glory box when she was young – filled with things she will need one day when she married, sheets and aprons, glassware etc

do women have these anymore?

Post # 6
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think what she is saying is brides today don’t really throw social affairs before their own weddings. Women in the past hosted afternoon tea and dinner parties. Today, the only women who could throw afternoon tea are those who don’t work outside of the home. Women in the past didn’t have anything else to do except learn these things. Women back then weren’t doing anything after high school. So they had time to learn how to set a formal table, sew, cook, bake, ect. Women today go to college or work and the art of hosting is becoming a lost art because why host a dinner party yourself when you can just take your family and friends out and let someone else serve? 

I think wedding planning wouldn’t be as stressful if there weren’t other people, vendors, blogs, ect telling women what they should and shouldn’t have and what’s hot and what’s overdone. 

Post # 8
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KristenGotMarried: lol It’s a great point though. How many of us would be stressed about planning a large party if it was something we did all the time just on smaller scales? I kinda wish I didn’t have to work so I could learn all of these things and host afternoon tea. I would have to find new friends though, since all of them work. 

Post # 9
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@aspasia475: I always enjoy when you post. You have a real talent for clarity and i always look forward to reading more. 

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Miss Tattoo: I agree- the stress doesn’t come from lack of knowledge, but from media and businesses trying to tell women how their wedding should be. My Fiance and I are having a lovely budget wedding and some of our wedding choices have gotten us questioning looks, but we’re doing it how we want it and not spending all our money on how people think it “should” be. Although I know we’er affected by what others think too, even if we try not to be.

Post # 11
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Miss Tattoo: I wish things were differnt today as well !

I have a few good skills but really no friends or people with time to enjoy or practice them. Its hard enough to throw a shower or birthday party these days.

Post # 12
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@galloway111: I have helped plan family reunions, large milestone birthday parties, and my parents 25th wedding anniversary. All the guests at those events will be guests at our wedding. 

In those events no one stressed about centerpieces, DJ choices, food choices, table cloths, shoes, ect. After all, a wedding reception is just one big dinner party. I don’t know why it makes some brides crazy.

Post # 13
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Eva Peron: Seriously. There are so many domestic things I want to learn and just don’t have the time. My mother is like the godess of the sewing machine. I don’t even know how to turn one on! lol She can knit a blanket in 2 weeks and I can’t even hold the needles right. it’s not her fault though. I remember she tried to teach me these things and I was always too busy with school stuff (band, dance team, swim team, soccer, track, ect) or work. *sighs* 

Post # 14
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Miss Tattoo: Totally agree with the ‘wedding industry complex’ and love the example of other family functions not causing as much stress. 

And this is the thing. Not only do i have an eduction and career outside of the home but so did my mother. I am part of a generation of women who was raised by women who didn’t ‘lunch’ or host teas. I don’t even think my mother had stationary. She certainly did not teach me to cater to others. I also know that she will not be purchasing me any china. 

I guess this gap is what causes marketers to create things like honeyfunds and us to have questions about plus 1’s. 

 

Post # 15
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@aspasia475: Very interesting perspective.  I do always enjoy when you chime in, and give us an idea of the grounding for these “traditions”.

 

@Miss Tattoo: I agree completely.  I plan 200+ person events as an aspect of my job, and it’s a matter of sitting down for 5-7 meetings, picking some stuff out, and coming in on budget.  Total snap. 

My wedding on the other hand was a total stress ball, because there was so much outside noise telling me this was the most important event of my life and everything had to be PERFECT.  Turned even a relatively experienced planner into a crying mess of worry that people wouldn’t like the things I picked on more than one occassion.

Post # 16
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@SapphireSun: Turned even a relatively experienced planner into a crying mess of worry that people wouldn’t like the things I picked on more than one occassion.

OMG do i relate. I was also a corporate event planner. Press conferance, editor events, national wide mobile marketing snap no problem. This freaking wedding of mine, lord have mercy stress is not the word. Makes me feel so inadequate at times. 

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