(Closed) Before TTC – what did you discuss?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
1365 posts
Bumble bee

Living arrangements. DH did not want a baby without a place to call our own.

We started TTC just under 2 years married (married for 3.5 now). But I only came off the pill last year. I had to switch meds to TTC and that did not go well. After a really tough time for both of us, we thought, ok, enough sadness. Time for some joy. 

Post # 4
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We aren’t TTC yet, but childcare arrangements will be a massive discussion.  Fi is self-employed and thinks his schedule is MUCH more flexible than it actually is, so always tries to say that we should have part time childcare.  I basically work 2 positions but 1 job and my schedule is weird but totally inflexible.  We need reliable, full-time childcare!

Post # 5
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We basically discussed a timeline where he would be comfortable. I was ready to TTC right after marriage, but he wanted to be finished with grad school, so we went with that timeline (he graduates next month, and I’m almost 6 months pregnant). We had random convos throughout dating about what we both expected with a child (living arrangements, work situation, disciplining, family involvement, etc), but the only one that let us know whether we were ready or not was the conversation about when. Perhaps too simple, but it worked for us.

Post # 6
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We discussed how we would arrange our schedules and the importance of both of us being allowed some child free/non-work time.  I have a predictable work schedule, DH not so much.  I understand that this will likely lead to me being the main drop off/pick up parent.  I have asked/told him that I need him to be home on time two nights a week.  One for me to continue my masters degree if I’m still in classes, and the second to give me a night off as primary care giver. 

We have also discussed our budget and what will get cut (mainly extras) to make sure we can afford everything with a kid.

Post # 7
12326 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hmm… nothing.  We already have a large house in a great area, stable jobs, and a lot of savings.  The rest we dealt with or will just deal with as the time comes.  I was a little older (31) when we got married, so he knew I wanted to try right away.  So I guess we discussed when we’d try.  The only other major thing I need to discuss is what my leave will be.  My company allows for up to a year, only 6-9 weeks will be paid.  So we’ll have to see how long we’re comfortable going without my income.  As wel as what will if/when I return.  As for parenting styles and details like that, I think we can discuss it to death, but neither of us will know exactly how we’ll feel in each situation, so we’ll play by ear there.

Post # 8
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We kind of discussed the whole sha-bang at once…get married, buy a house, and then TTC.  We had already put off getting married until we were financially secure and able to afford what we wanted…we also both wanted to start TTC when we were 30, which pretty much fell in line with our wedding plans and buying a house too. 

Post # 9
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Well we’re already married, have a house in a good neighborhood/school zone, have stable jobs, have a savings, etc. So really all we discuss is when we want to start. Right now we flip flop between the end of this year and waiting a little longer. It mainly has to do with wanting to do a couple more projects around the house and go on 1 more big vacation.

Post # 14
9340 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
mrstseluyu:  There wasn’t too much to discuss – DH knew I had been ready for a while and so he was just sort of like “so…let’s do this!” hahaha. We’re an interfaith marriage so discussions about how the kids will be raised, baptisms, bris, etc were had years ago before we even got engaged.

We own a home, and have a solid amount of savings so there wasn’t as much to plan in that regard. It was really just a matter of him feeling ready. The savings is mostly so that I can afford a long maternity leave if I want it. 

Post # 15
456 posts
Helper bee

Not TTC but discussing it and have timeline. We own a house and have jobs, but we def. discussed childcare (when, where -how freaking much agggggh) and I am also a bit obsessed about how to raise a child. I want the rules to be clear and also have set boundaries for grandparents (I even discussed things like no FB pics). We even discussed things like religion-we are both not religious but his family is technically Jewish (they don’t celebrate hanukah nor Christmas-they just give each other gifts ๐Ÿ˜‘), but I definitely want the tradition of Christmas. I don’t know, maybe I am obsessed but it is really important to me that we are on a page about how to raise him/her!

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