Post # 1
I know (hope?) that this is very rare and most bees would know better, but here’s why my cousin still hasn’t received my RSVP even though I got her invitation 3 weeks ago:
Her only RSVP option is online. First, I spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how she could have possibly misspelled my name to make me unable to find it. Finally, I tried my FI’s name, and it came up along with mine. She used my stepdad’s and my mom’s married last name for me, even though I still have my dad’s last name. I don’t know why this happened, because the invitation was addressed to me correctly, but ok…
Next, even though my FI and I live separately from my mom, stepdad, and siblings, we were all grouped together as one party on her wedding website for the online RSVP. FI and I tried to RSVP for ourselves, but the website will only accept it if we fill in answers for everyone else too. This wouldn’t be a big problem, except another addition to our group is my adult step-sister who has lived out of state for the last several years, and whom we don’t speak to. Yeah, we have to give an answer and meal choice for her too if we want to RSVP for ourselves.
I’ll be damned if I have to go out of my way to buy a stamp and mail her a handwritten RSVP, and I don’t want to do it by Facebook message because then she’ll probably complain about how rude I am. We’re not close whatsoever (if we weren’t family, we would barely pass for acquaintances) so I don’t feel comfortable explaining her mistake and asking her to correct it. So I’m just sitting here waiting for my parents to get around to telling her that they can’t give an answer for my step-sister, or just mark her down as a no. They already know what to enter for FI and I once they’re ready to RSVP for themselves. Ugh…
I fully sympathize with brides who have done everything possible to make the RSVP process easy, yet still have to hunt people down. But if you are a bride waiting on RSVPs, please take a moment to consider if you’re throwing up hurdles for your guests before you wish fire and brimstone upon their heads.
Post # 3
Nope, just had a simple card with spots to fill out whether or not they were coming, the name of invitee, name of plus one (or two, in one case), any allergies or dietary concerns and a SASE to send it all back to me. I’ve gotten verbal yeses from a few people (my grandma said everyone from my side is coming, and my FMIL said all of her family is coming, and FH says his work buddies are coming). Great, awesome, just fill out the little card if you haven’t lost it (my aunt did) and send it back so I can get a solid head count.
Post # 4
@Taeyers: this is why i avoided online RSVP’s. they would blow my family’s minds, there is no way we’d get them all back.
as it were, our deadline is saturday and we still have 90 out of 190 to track down, but it would have been way worse if we did online RSVP’s! just not a good idea in my opinion.
Post # 5
@Taeyers: I did online RSVP and had no issues at all. Maybe it’s the website she’s using? Ours let our guests leave messages and email us if they had any questions/issues. Perhaps you could just call or email your cousin and let her know what’s going on.
Post # 6
@Taeyers: What a pain! This is why I’m going to specify in very large text that we will also welcome phone RSVPs in addition to the online form.
Post # 7
Yeesh. That sucks. If the website company has a customer service/feedback area, you may want to add these comments there. Perhaps they can use your feedback to make it more clear to brides how to add households and organize RSVP’s.
I had a similar bad experience with online RSVP’s for an upcoming wedding. In the paper invites, they gave us a unique RSVP code that we had to enter into the website. When we pasted it in and entered our name, we then had to wait a week for the bride and groom to approve us. Then, me and my FI had to register for accounts (even though we received 1 invite for the two of us). And only then could we sign in and RSVP to the event. The whole process took like 10 days. How is this more convenient that checking a box on a card and mailing it back? I like the idea of online RSVP’s, but there’s definitely room for improvement. I’ll likely keep it simple with RSVP cards for my wedding.
Post # 8
Wow, that’s…uh, okay, stupid of your cousin.
Post # 9
This would totally annoy me too.
I’m doing an old school RSVP so people can mail them in but also adding a simple email address for the people who are slackers. I know there are a few in my group who won’t get it together to mail them in so they can just email us direct.
Post # 10
We asked people to RSVP online but were really careful about how we did it:
1. Names correct!
2. Each INVITE got a separate RSVP account (e.g. a couple got one for the two of them; a family fo 4 got one for all four of them).
3. We included an email address on the website in case of problems.
4. We included a postal address with the paper invitation in case people preferred to respond this way.
5. We included a telephone number with the paper invitation in case all else failed…!!
6. Online there was also space to request a vegetarian meal or other dietary requirements.
We invited 100 people – 90 responded online. Of the remainders, 3 responded by post, 2 by email, 2 by Facebook (), 2 by phone and 1 by text ()
The only issue we had was someone RSVP with no dietary requirements, and then thge day before the wedding, they called to say, “oh I don’t eat fish or mushrooms”. Our response was: there’s no fish, and you’ll have to work around the mushrooms. They survived.
Post # 11
We thought it would be smart to do online, e-mailed, OR by phone RSVPs.
You’d think we made it so easy, right?
Nope! 2/3 of our guests NEVER RSVP’d.
Post # 12
I would message your cousin and let her know. She might not even realize that the RSVP system is set up like that.
Post # 13
@housebee: Glad to hear you didn’t have problems! Hopefully it’s just this one site. Would you believe I don’t even have an email address or phone number? My only contact info for her is her mailing address and Facebook page (which I’m not sure she goes on)…
@bleusteel: Wow, that sounds like a real treat too! Why create more work for everyone?? Good idea about website feedback, I’ll have to look into that.
@FauxBoho: That’s exactly my plan for my wedding. I can’t think of a way to make it any easier than that.
@Spideykiss: Hahaha why do people do this?… How difficult is it to just once not communicate by text or Facebook? And I would be serving that guest a big heaping portion of mushrooms, but I’m a jerk about personal responsibility.
Post # 14
@BrandNewBride: what the eff… Now I’m afraid of what I might be up against in the future.
@cmbr: I’ve been considering that, but my parents don’t want to bring it to their attention for some reason. I was thinking I would cave and do it anyway if the deadline is coming up, and then I realized that there is no deadline listed. Now I’m thinking I’ll give it another week and then message her. I just figured in the meantime I would write this thread in case any other brides stumble across it and realize that they have no idea how their online RSVP is actually set up.
Post # 15
We are using online only, but only use people who live at the same address as “households”. We had one spelling error, but the rest seem fine. We are calling the older people to get their response verbally and then inputting it ourselves. Easy Peasy.
It’s really not that hard to use, as long as you do it properly. Sucks that your cousin couldn’t figure it out.
Post # 16
Unless the wedding hosts are “of no known address”, guests ALWAYS have an alterntive to online R.s.v.p.s. The alternative is to hand-write a polite note accepting or declining, and send that note by mail. All the other options; be they hard-copy forms with prepaid envelopes like your electricity bill, online questionnaires, facebook, email, telephone and text-message; are compromises being made by desperate hostesses to accommodate people who feel that they will be damned if they have to go out of their way to buy a stamp and do what traditional good manners would expect.
If I objected to doing that, I wouldn’t think twice about going ahead with the Facebook private message alternative. It matters far more to get a polite reply to your hostess promptly, than to satisfy some particular concern about format and medium. And I would not feel particularly concerned about the hypothetical negative judgements of someone who cannot even get my name and family circumstances right.