(Closed) Beginners guide to planning a Wedding

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
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  • Post # 3
    3146 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013



    Step 1 – figure out where you’d like to get married – as in the state/city. Are you doing it in your hometown? FI’s hometown? Where you live now? Destination? 


    Step 2 – figure out a guest list. Who MUST be invited? Who is important to invite? Who would you like to invite if you have the space? Who would you invite if you had all the money in the world ? 🙂


    Step 3 – think budget. How much money do you have to work with. How is paying/helping to pay? 


    Step 4 – start looking for venues. How many people will they hold? Does it fit into your budget? 



    And in between all that, I’d start looking at dresses. They can take 6 months or so to come in


    Post # 6
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    First & Foremost, I see you are NEW here… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”


    * Buy yourself somesort of Wedding Planning Book… many of them have timelines in them (a TO DO LIST for like 12 months out, 9 months out, 6 months out, 3 months out, 1 month out…. right down to THE DAY

    * Consider buying a Book on Wedding Etiquette (found at most Bookstores)

    Etiquette can be a mindfield because most people have their own opinions… but in the long run the Standard Rules of Etiquette will give you an idea of what your options are in ANY Situation, and as all this stuff has been around for like 100 years, it often takes the guesswork out of sticky situations that otherwise come up.  At least then you won’t feel like you make too many mistakes that could potentially offend anyone.

    * WBee is a great place to start lots of good info, and the Boards here are a great way to learn things, bounce ideas off of other people, and vent / air out any problems that might arise

    * Bridal Magazines can be a real inspiration… lots of pretty pictures.

    * Pinterest is also a great resource, in that you can “pin” all your ideas into one spot

    NOTE – Pinterest allows you to have PRIVATE Boards… a good idea for your Wedding Plans (I had one for Ceremony, one for Reception, and one for Honeymoon).  In this way, all your ideas / inspiration aren’t public knowledge

    * Don’t talk so much about your Wedding in real life that you bore your friends & family… or worse yet they all figure that you talking about it with them gives them the right to voice their opinions.  That will drive you crazy & cause much DRAMA that otherwise is avoidable

    * Likewise don’t post about your Wedding on FaceBook… it causes too much DRAMA… and is RUDE for those who read about it that you ultimately won’t be able to invite (due to venue size or cost / budget restrictions)

    * Talk MONEY issues with only those who are on a NEED TO KNOW basis.  Blabbing a whole lot about money issues / budget will cause you to be judged by others.  When it comes to money it is NO ONE BUSINESS but your own how much you have, or HOW you choose to spend it.

    So there is NOTHING WRONG with sharing only limited financial info with Parents if they aren’t footing the bill.  And if someone (like a Parent) wants to put money into the mix, get an idea of where they’d like that spent… (ie FIL puts in $ 5 K… and wants it spent on the Reception, fine & good… but then he doesn’t naturally get a say on the Invites… what they cost, what they look like etc)

    * Don’t jump the gun on stuff and make commitments before it could make sense.


    Picking out your Bridal Party too early can prove to be a mistake for many Brides… as things / relationships can change, in the lead up time to the Wedding.  You don’t need a Maid/Matron of Honor from the second you are Engaged.  Take some time to think things thru.

    Save The Dates… they work great for Destination Weddings or Different Cities from the Norm.  BUT if you haven’t worked out the key details on your Date, Budget and Guest List you might end up in an embarrasing situation down the road, where you’ve sent a STD Card to someone you now cannot afford to invite (happens too often on WBee)

    Better to skip the STD’s entirely… as an Etiquette Snob I can tell you they are not a required element to Wedding Stationery.  OR if you are looking for just a joyous way to spread the News of your Engagement then opt for Engagement Announcements instead… they come with no obligations whatsoever in regards to the Wedding.

    * Bridal Party… when you are at the point of picking… take the time to sit with each person and explain to them the obligation… including the TIME and MONEY ones.  Many people say YES before they realize what the expectation really is.

    Likewise be aware of your own obligations to the Bridal Party from an Etiquette & Financial Point of View… including that for their contribution they will be recieving Personally Chosen Thank You Gifts (to their personality), that as the Bride you usually host an event in THEIR HONOUR (the Bridal Luncheon), IF you want them to appear all matchy-matchy that is at your expense, that Transportation at your Wedding Events is on YOUR DIME, as well as their Accommodations, and that they and a Date of their choosing (no matter what their relationship status) will be attending the Rehearsal Dinner & Wedding as a two-some.

    — — —

    Lol, I think that covers most of the BIG stuff we see on WBee.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 7
    1908 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    @This Time Round:  Your last paragraph here on the bridal party is very interesting. I have been maid of honor twice and never had any of this done for me or other members of the bridal party. I paid hundreds of dollars to attended and be in the wedding, including dress, hair, nails, make up, accommodations, and was not even given a plus one. Throw in the cost of bridal shower and wedding gifts it’s been expensive. My thank you gift at the last wedding was given to all the bridesmaids at the wedding shower and was simply our matching jewelry and clutches. In the end I had a good time but I have never heard of the bride taking that good of care of her bridal party! Could just be where I’m living it’s not as common. I was also a little frustrated at one event where I had to pay extra for a bolero to cover up the bridesmaid dress because one of the bridesmaids had tattoos on her arms so we all had to cover up! 


    I will certainly be planing soon myself and will take these tips with me too. Thanks 

    Post # 8
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO @Ms_Purple: oh gosh I hear you…

    The amount of DRAMA I read on the BRIDESMAID BOARD here on WBee could be much avoided IF BOTH parties actually knew what the Traditional Rules of Etiquette were ahead of time and followed them out of a MUTUAL RESPECT for each other.

    A Bridesmaid is not a Slave.. A Bride is not a Queen… and there are key aspects to each in regards to Role, Responsibilities to one another and Financial Obligations.

    No wonder there are soo many hurt feelings when I read thru the posts… neither of them enter the position truly knowing what is expected of the other.

    It is sad.  Especially so when more often than not it is the Bride who treats those who are supposed to be so near & dear to her (and STAND UP for her and her marriage in public and front of God) as a way of support so poorly.

    As you’ll be a Bride yourself in the not to distant future… you might appreciate the posts I have here on WBee about the Roles & Financial Responsibilities (seperate ones I think) you should check them out.. or let me know and I’ll dig em up give you the links.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 9
    1530 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

    @This Time Round:  Great tips, thank you for sharing!!

    I’m in a similar boat as well. Both Fiance and my families combined, would total over 100 people. We want an intimate wedding, but if we didn’t invite certain families, they might get offended? We have yet to come up with a guest list. I just realized that I can’t fall in love with possible venues before having a guest list.

    We both dread wedding planning. Fiance says, “Let’s just go City Hall!” I would chime, “Yes, let’s!”

    Post # 10
    1908 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    @This Time Round:  Thanks I will take a look! I never really had too hurt of feelings though I was disappointed not to get a plus one, I wasn’t in a serious relationship at the time so it wasn’t a big deal. In my case to it was the MOB calling all the shots. So I really didn’t blame the bride, she got stuck paying for things she didn’t really want either because her mother would just schedule them or get them and tell her she had to pay for it! It got a little out of control. I tried to always stay as supportive as possible. 

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