(Closed) Beginners Questions

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

congrats!

I am wondering,

!. Is 20 to young to get engaged, imo, yes you are not done maturing yet, and you will be a different person in 2, 5, 10 and 15 years

2. Is 2 years too long of an engagement, no, but you will be a different person in 2 years. if you opt to start planning, dont do anything set in stone yet, a lot can change in 2 years, economy, family relationships, friendships, and tastes.

3.Do you have any DIY ideas, my colors are Orange and Yellow. that says springy to me, gerbera daiseys, little potted plants, daytime wedding. look for sales after easter time on solid colored table clothes, napkins etc, stuff that doesnt despict easter, but is on sale because it is easter color. (we got a bunch of solid blue stuff after 4th of july)

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Congrats and welcome to the hive!

1. In my opinion if you have to ask if you are too young you are unsure of your situation and therefore not ready to be in the situation. Which really has nothing to do with age.

2. The length of the engagement depends on the couple, their finances, their education etc. There is no set timeline for everyone!

3. Check out the DIY section on the boards it is FABULOUS!!!!

Post # 5
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

1. My husband and I got engaged when we were 19 so I can’t say that you are too young.  It does depend on the person though.

2. Our engagement was 3 years because we were waiting until we graduated.

3. Lots of DIY here on the boards, in the DIY section, and Gallery!

Post # 6
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

HI Krissyp, congratulations on your engagement.  It seems that you are worried about several things here. Are you worried that you are too young to be engaged? Are you trying to buy time by having a long engagement? I will just share with you my opinion and give you some things to think about.

While I would generally say that 20 is young to be getting married. I don’t know you. Who knows maybe you are a mature 20 year old. I think a better question to ask is…are you ready at this age to get married? Do you understand the commitment that you are taking?  Do you and your fiance agree on how you will live your lives together?  Is this a relationship you want to be in 5 years, 10 years, 40 years from now?  At 20,  I was always ready to go out and party and hangout with my friends. I wasn’t interested in 2 years from now, I was interested in the weekend and how I would party.  Again, it’s just me, and I know I wasn’t ready but it might be different for you.  

My best advice don’t get married, if you don’t think you’re ready.  Really, you’re the only one that knows the answer.

Post # 7
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m of the mind that when you have to ask, you need to do some serious talking. How did the engagement happen (i.e., did you talk about it beforehand)? What has your relationship been like? Have you ever been on your own financially, paying bills, etc? 

I’m not saying that these things are necessary for an engagement, but they help. I got engaged at 19 (a month from turning 20) when I had been paying all my bills, including rent, for almost 2 years, had been with my boyfriend for over 5 years, and we had lived together for about a year. That being said, we decided that a 2.5 year engagement was best for us. We didn’t feel that getting married while he still relies on his parents for financial help was a good idea, and we wanted to graduate from undergrad first. 

But that’s a very personal decision – and if I was you, I wouldn’t get caught up in color schemes, planning, etc until you have the bigger questions addressed. 

Post # 8
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Congratulations on your engagement! I am not here to tell you whether or not you are old enough to get married. In your heart, you know the best answer for yourself.

I must say, however, that I disagree with some of the other posters when they put the “if you’re asking, then you’re not ready,” bit out there. Sometimes this philosphy does apply, but, trust me, this is not always the case everytime.

I’ll put it into perspective. I am 20 years old and have been with my fiance, my high school sweetheart since we were 15. After we graduated high school in 2008, we moved from NJ to IN into a house he and his parents had purchased during our senior year of high school for us to live in during college. Since then we have maintained the house, which we pay for entirely by ourselves on top of attending school and working. It’s been a necessary journey, in which I am glad we’ve been able to take together. In February of 2009, he proposed and like any newly engaged girl, I dove into the wedding planning and was harshly reminded of the stigmas surrounding young marriage. On a board on another wedding website, I posted for help in finding a venue and made the mistake of saying that I was (at the time) 19, newly engaged and unsure of how to go about the planning process. Well, that’s all it took to get all the “anti-young brides” on their feet (no offense at all to those of you out there who disapprove of our age and pending marriages). Anyway, I received some pretty harsh words and criticism from many people, and wasn’t even asking for it. So, I then made my second mistake by simply asking for the thoughts of others (to see if opinions varied on the topic of young marriages) and I got the, “well, if you’re asking, then you’re not ready,” line, when I wasn’t asking because I was unsure, but rather, because I wanted to know what people thought; those on the outside, if you will. But, things get blown out of context at times.

My reason for this post? All I am saying, is that maybe istead of when a young bride asks whether or not you think they’re too young for marriage, don’t just jump to the conclusion that they’re not ready. From the perspective of a young bride, sometimes it’s just nice to know that there are supporters out there.

With that said, I again will say that the only person who knows if you are old enough for marriage or not is yourself. The opinion of others simply does not matter and shouldn’t. As for the length of engagement, that is also “to each, its own.” I have been engaged for a year and a half and was planning for an October 2010 wedding, however, due to finances, that may not be possible and the date may need to be bumped up another year. So, by that time, we’ll have been engaged for 2 1/2 years. It’s all up to the couple in question. As for DIY ideas, I say it’s fine to dealve into planning just don’t forget about the more important aspects of being engaged and even after marriage. Getting married is not just about the wedding, but also about the marriage after the wedding. I would suggest looking at various wedding blogs as well as visiting the DIY board on this site for ideas. There are some wonderful ones out there! Best of luck to you!

Post # 9
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hi Krissy – first of all congratulations!! It is an exciting time!

To answer your questions:

1 – I am with the other posters that if you are questioning whether you are too young to be engaged then maybe you need to ask yourself why you are doing that. Is it because you feel like its too young or is it because family/friends/society has made you think that it is too young? Either way – make sure that this is the right thing for you right now.

2- I think the length of engagement totally depends on the couple and their own personal situation. Things like school, money, family, location, etc can all have an impact on this. Fiance and I had an 11.5 month engagement (basically 1 year). This just felt right for us. Others do it in a lot less or a lot more time. However, do remember that things you might be planning now could change down the line – especially when you will have so much time!

3 – Check out the DIY section for sure!! Also, figure out exactly what it is you want to DIY. Is it invitations, programs, escort cards, favors, etc? Find that out first and then go from there. Sometimes things can get overwhelming so its a good idea to have concrete projects in mind before searching endlessly!

 

Best of luck to you!!! Being engaged is fun, stressful, challenging, eye-opening, exciting and most of all holds a lot of anticipation for the wedding and MARRIAGE!!!!

Post # 10
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Trinity Lutheran Church & Idlewild Country Club

Congrats!

I got engaged at 21 and we’re having a 2.5 year engagment.

I’m 23 now and we’re 9 months away from the wedding.

I don’t think 20 is too young at all, but some people might. When people say you’re too young – just ignore them, that’s what I did! And the long engagement has turned out wonderfully. Its kind of nice to have all that time. I mean, you only get to be engaged once, just sit back and enjoy it!

Post # 12
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@krissyp: It was my pleasure! Best of luck in planning for your wedding and marriage!

Post # 13
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Two years is definitely not too long of an engagement! In fact, the extra time makes it more fun and less stress. I haven’t been stressed about the wedding once, and I’ve been planning for over a year!

Post # 14
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

1.  I don’t think 20 is too young.  I’m in my early 40s and I have a lot of friends celebrating their 20th, 21st, 22nd anniversaries.   I really think age is only one factor and not a deciding one.  Maturity is really what matters.

2.  Two years is not too long to be engaged, especially if you aren’t financially ready to marry.

3.  DIY — I’m clueless!

Post # 15
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

CONGRATS AND WELCOME TO THE HIVE! I found your post interesting because like you I was engaged within the past few weeks.

1. For me 20 is too young. But I really think that it depends on the people. My sister was 19 when she was married for the first time and was on her 2nd wedding my age 26. My mom was married for the first time at 19 as well. From hearing about those two weddings/ marriages i would say yes. Also I had a friend that was engaged to her boyfriend of 4 months when she was 18, she was married at 19,  and  the divorce papers were signed before she turned 20.  For myself, i couldn’t see being engaged at 20. (  though I’m not much older than you, I’m 22)  when i was 20 I was so much into the party scene at college that I couldn’t even think about being in a serious relationship. Once I turned 21 though I realized that I was going into a really bad place with my life and stopped drinking and partying.  People change so much in such a short amount of time. But what is important is YOU and your Fiance feel ready to take that important step.

2. Two years is great amount of time. Actually is its about the same amount for me and my fi. Its great because you will be able to enjoy being together before the craziness of wedding planning begins.  You will be able look around at everything. Do your research on venues. You have all the time in the world. And it will be less stressful. Trust me! I helped plan a wedding in 3 months for my sister and it was HELL!  Also don’t let anyone push you into having your wedding sooner. Only you and your fi will know when the time is right.

3.  Yellow and Orange are so cute!!    go look at blogs and see what you like. There are so many amazing blogs to look at for inspiration! And the best thing is you have the time to decide what you really like and what you don’t. Plus time to do all the crafts that you want.

 

Good luck and congrats!

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