(Closed) Beginning of the end or is it just me???

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
futuremrsdaniels17 :  You will have a lot on your plate next year, especially with school.  I’d suggest making three of the things you list your priorities and stick with them.  

Post # 4
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

My Fiance and I both have crazy schedules and we make it work. I work Monday through Friday and also travel 2-3 times a month for my job. He works full-time nights and weekends and is also in school full-time. What keeps us sane is that we both know our conflicting schedules is only temporary. He will finish school and likely find a job that has similar hours to mine. For now we just focus on quality time over quantity. 

Post # 5
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You do have to make time for a relationship, especially the start of a relationship (within first two years) something as “simple” as incompatible schedules can easily break apart a couple. I guess that would be because you are still exploring whether you are truly in it for the long haul and not prioritising time together would be seen as a lack of committment. 

Post # 6
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

– school

– work

– church commitments

– karate

– living on your own (for the first time?)

Ya, I get why he wants to wait a bit and see how your schedule works out. That is a lot of things going on and there’s only so much time in the day. I recommend doing a time budget. Chart out a typical week and allocate time for each of these items based on what you assume they will require. After including sleeping, eating, commuting, etc. is there time for a SO? Does the free time line up with his free time (ie not conflicting work schedules)? If things are really tight, how long would this go on for? If there’s not time for him (or not “enough” time or it’s too restricted for too long), you’ll have to make some decisions. What things are more important? What would you rather cut? 

Once you’ve figured all this out, I would show it to him and have a serious discussion about how he wants to fit into your schedule. Maybe you only have 5hrs/week for him for 3 months but he needs more. Maybe showing him this will prove that you are committed to him. Whatever it is, it should help open communication about how next year is going to go and what it means for your relationship. 

ETA: Healthy relationships require you to spend time with each other, but exactly how much that is is very individual. So make sure you are on the same page otherwise one person might end up feeling resentful 

Post # 7
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee

If you want to be with your Boyfriend or Best Friend, you do have to make it clear that you see him as a priority. You certainly don’t have to give up what you love or keep yourself ‘small’ in order to do that, but your busy schedule will require you to make a clear effort to make sure he feels like he’s an important part of your life, and vice versa. 

I live with my SO, and he works 6-6.5 days a week. Many times we only have an afternoon to spend together for quality time, and I love the quality over quantity. He travels a lot, and has a very high pressure job, so sometimes our afternoon is me helping him with management challenges or going over our finances, but it makes me feel like we’re a team and it’s really nice. He tells me all the time how much he loves me and needs me and is so grateful that I’m here and supporting him in so many ways. 

So, it doesn’t have to be tons of time or fancy dates, but you do have to make it clear that you want your Boyfriend or Best Friend to be a huge part of your life. 

Post # 8
Member
9581 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well you sound like you might be over extending yourself. Make sure you dont spread yourself too thin- its really bad for your health. Maybe you need to cut down on church activities or karate stuff for your headspace- something has to give and if you dont want it to be your relationship cut something else.

Honestly…. my husband works 60+ hours a week, sometimes goes in on Saturdays, is in a demanding masters program at night, and goes to the gym everyday somehow… astonishingly… but we still get to hang out a few hours at night, half of Saturday and all of Sunday. Granted those few night hours are because we live together… but you would still have weekends. so if you two want to be together youll work it out. Tell him you love him and you are committed to being there for him! Being close can also be a matter of communication- texts through out the day, calls at night etc even if you can have a proper hang.

Post # 9
Member
626 posts
Busy bee

Have you already blocked out your schedules to see exactly what hours you’ll have free? It sounds exhausting. Don’t hold yourself back from doing what you love, but also make sure you literally have enough hours in your day to avoid burnout.

I think this is a great opportunity for you and your SO to learn more about each other! Yes, you should make sure he doesn’t disappear from your list of priorities. Keep growing as a couple. But also let him know that this is temporary. Presumably you won’t be in school forever, and if you guys are going to be life partners, a few very busy years kind of comes with the territory. It’s on you to make an effort, and on him to be understanding as you pursue your goals.

Post # 10
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The first time I took a stab at a Masters, I tried going like that.  I was also a newly wed.  I never had anxiety before, but I crashed and burned hard, started having panic attacks around finals time.  Unless you are really super woman like that, you need to cut something.   I think the only reason my relationship lasted was because we had been married less than a year when this was all going on and my Darling Husband is one of the most understanding guys ever.

Post # 11
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I had quite a bit of commitments when I met my Darling Husband (and still do), but he was a priority so we made it work. He is also understanding of the fact that I care a lot about the things I am involved with, and we are on the same page about dialing this back once we start a family. That being said though, I do know that sometimes he gets frustrated that I have meetings or have to miss dinner together or am tired/stress from work or something else. That’s normal. The fact is that LIFE is busy and full of commitments. Marriage will only change maybe the fact that you live together if you hadn’t already, but it’s not this transformative thing that changes everything else–you’re in control of that. If this is the lifestyle that you want and he is also something important to you (and that’s mutual), then it shouldn’t be a big deal. If you feel that all of those commitments are what you want to focus on rather than a relationship right now, then that’s a choice you have to make. 

Post # 12
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This does seem like quite a bit.  I wouldn’t necessarily cut out something completely, but rather, cut the things that are negotiable back significantly.  For example, what if you participate in 1 karate class and teach 1 karate class?  What if you keep playing piano for your church but cut the rest of it out temporarily?

Post # 14
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
futuremrsdaniels17 :  Be prepared to have to cut down more than what I suggested.  It is hard to know just how demanding school can be, and it may be too overwhelming to do it all, even by cutting back significantly.

The topic ‘Beginning of the end or is it just me???’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors