(Closed) Beginning to wonder how much to bother

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m sorry you’re feeling like nobody cares about your wedding.  I think the only “enviable” part of this situation is that you also have nobody to please, so you can really do whatever makes YOU happiest.  It sounds like you really want your friend there, so how about pick a day in the summer, and have a lovely little park ceremony followed by a restaurant reception??

Post # 4
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe you guys should wait until you both get back on your feet and make the move you want to. Then think about when and how you want to get married. If you are living far away from your family and friends, they might be feeling disconnected from you and not sure how to react to your engagement/wedding plans because they do not see you on a regular basis. You should let it be known that you’re interested in having a “real wedding”, and ask for input from your mom, your FI’s family, and your good friends. People might want to offer help, but are not sure what you need or want. You might have to speak up. I am getting married in six months, and a Vegas wedding sounds pretty appealing to me right now though. 🙂

Post # 6
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know how you feel! Between my mother’s reaction to our engagement of “Oh, honey why would you do that?” and our super simple plans, our wedding is pretty low key. The answer for “why do I bother” that I keep finding is the few people that we have invited are really, really special and I’m looking forward to spending time with them. At this point, what I’m really lookiong forward to is the dinner conversation when these people meet each other. 

Figure out where you’re going to be when and pick a date. Do something nice and simple and invite the short list of who you want to be there, and explain to them why its meaningful to you that they try to come. Don’t stress yourself out over it, pick a couple of things that are important to you to do well and do them, and skip everything else. 

Post # 7
1544 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know how you feel. FH and I live in NC and all my family and friends are up in NJ. We love it down here tho and we settled in and bought a house earlier this month. But my family has been distant from me since the day i told them I was moving out of their house 2 years ago. They had a few months warning but the day after I graduated college I moved out. My mom never even seemed to care that I was leaving… no helping me move or pack or anything. I had asked her why and she was just like “well ya know your not married” Okayyy so i guess I was living in sin. My now fiance and I lived in an apartment until deciding to buy a house and he proposed the day we closed on our house. My mom said “congrats” but thats it.

Meanwhile my 33 year old sister is getting married this year and her entire relationship with this guy has been HUGE big tada for my entire family. OMG they are PERFECT together… blah blah blah. ALL this BEFORE they were even engaged. Wedding planning they were SO involved and all that. She was planning before he even engaged! Then ofcourse once he did it was off the rocker…. ALL of them were super involved in every little aspect. ME they don’t give a rats a** about. I guess it was sort of expected but I also don’t think they totally approve of what i’m doing with my life and who i chose to spend it with.

I’ve been talking about “when i get married” for a while because ofcourse I knew I was gonna marry him, it was just a matter of when he decided to ask me. I said i didn’t want some huge over the top fancy shmancy wedding that cost me 20k dollars. That was absolutely insane to me. So I guess they took that as I’m getting married in my backyard. Now i’ve told them no but they just sort of brush that aside. They don’t care at all about my wedding. Her ONLY request was that I invite her. I told her I want a real wedding just on a budget of only like 5k and tried to tell her about what i’m planning and IMMEDIATELY the conversation turns to my sisters wedding.

Why do i bother planning the “real” wedding I want if no one gives a rats a**. I’m the only one who cares. FH doesn’t care what we do just so long as it doesn’t cost a lot. I’m completely and totally on my own.

I’m just trying to plan what i want…. as low key as that might be. Get my FH involved as he’ll let me. And try to make it as much like us as possible. Some outdoor ceremony with our main family and some close friends and thats it. I’m trying to not compare myself to anyone else and make this just about marrying the man i love. Just make it beautiful. I don’t have many friends… one good friend that is my moh but she’s in NJ too. We picked a goal date. And are just planning on that…

So i’d say just pick a date and make it happen… whether you live here or there… just do it whereever and whenever you guys want. Its about you and your FH, not them.

Post # 9
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ScooterBride:  I guess I’m confused by what you mean about people offering to help – it’s pretty darn rare for any of the bees to have help as far as the wedding basics like food, flowers, hptography, etc., go – almost everyone hires professional vendors for that. One thing that can be a mental adjustment though is getting used to the idea that your wedding will always be a million more times exciting to yout han it is to anyone else. But I think you have the right mindset with being more excited about actually being married than the wedding – that’s the important part anyways, it makes for a pretty bad marriage if the wedding is what you’re most excited about!

Good luck with the planning though (and the job opportunities, I know it’s tough planning a wedding without that!), feel free to update on here whenever you have new plans, you’ll always get plenty of excitement from the other brides here =)

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