(Closed) Being a “and guest” to a wedding, would you be offended?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be annoyed because this isn’t some random friend, this is your soon to be brother in law, who hopefully knows your name.

I wouldn’t say anything about it though!

Post # 4
1231 posts
Bumble bee

@ItsDestiny:  that’s laziness. lol That is strange that they did that especially since it is your FI’s brother. When my SO’s cousin got married, we had been dating for 4 years and I was “and guest” I wasn’t too offended. (I’d be offended if SO decided to take someone else as “and guest” lol!)

Post # 5
532 posts
Busy bee

no, you are not being dramatic. that’s rude!!!! you are engaged and living together, its not as if you are someone he is casually dating. they should have definitely addressed the invite to you as well.

Post # 6
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would be offended by it, yes, since it’s your FI’s family and you are engaged. If it was a friend or FI’s friend, I wouldn’t read much into it, but yeah I’ll say if my Brother-In-Law did that I’d be irritated. For that matter, so would Fiance.

I don’t know if I would say anything or not…I can’t pretend like I’d be totally nice about it.

Post # 7
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I get offended at this, too. We have been together 3 years, engaged for one, and living together for 2.5. I’m not a causal girlfriend – learn my name!

I never bring it up, though.

Post # 8
13292 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be really annoyed, but I’d probably drop it.  We can all relate to being over-stressed with wedding stuff and having an oversight.  Maybe she was just having an off-day.  Unless it’s a pattern of not including you or making you feel slighted, I’d just drop it and move on. 

Post # 9
14659 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yeah, that seems odd and rude, but I wouldnt waste any time being upset over it.

Post # 10
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It may have been a mistake, I would probably just let it go. An invitation for our engagement party went out to my engaged cousin, with no guest listed. I felt terrible, but it was really just a miscommunication between myself and my in laws (who printed the invitations). I think something got messed up between all the saving & emailing of documents. It could have been something as simple as them leaving your name blank because they were unsure of the spelling, then forgetting to go to update it.

Post # 11
16191 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I always hated being the “and guest,” especially when my husband and I were engaged. But I’ll tell you that I don’t think it was an intentional slight and I don’t think it’s worth bringing up.

This is the kind of thing that you remember when you address your own wedding invitations. I tried to avoid “and guest” at all costs if I knew who the guest was going to be.

Post # 12
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@pinkshoes:  I agree…

While I think it’s really rude for them to not put your name on there, I probably wouldn’t say anything about it. Seems silly to draw attention to something so small.

Post # 13
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree that it was lazy, and I’d probably be a bit hurt (although I wouldn’t say anything about it).  Is it possible that if the brother’s finace was the one filling out the invites, she didn’t know how to spell your first or last name?  Have you met the brother’s fiance before?  Hmmm….either way, they should have taken the time to write out your name (or dig around to figure out the proper spelling, if that was the case!!)  I could see myself initially wanting to take the lazy way out if I wasn’t sure of spelling, but I’d never act on it (especially since these are going to be future in-laws!!).

Post # 14
3261 posts
Sugar bee

If it was a random person that barely knew me but knew my Fiance, I wouldn’t be upset. But this is  stupid b/c you’re engaged! I would just ignore it though.

Post # 15
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That is so strange if you are in good terms with your Fiance brother future wife.  I don’t think you are being dramatic.  If you are engaged to her fiance’s brother and she’s calling you a guest, she should have the decency to find out your last name.  They’re just being lazy or  rude to just call you a guest. You’re going to be familly. 

Post # 16
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Maybe a tad but perhaps they went formal formal route and wanted MR and MRS ____ or simply Mr so and so and guest.

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