(Closed) Being a bad bridesmaid? Please help.

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

It’s not the MOH’s wedding – don’t tell her anything about the shoes.  Like the bride said, no one is going to see your shoes.  If you really feel like you should say something, maybe have a heart-to-heart with the bride about your feelings.  Ulitmately, it’s the bride you want to make happy, right?  If you’re in the MOH’s wedding one day, then you can buy the ugly silver shoes she wants.

Post # 4
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

First off, you aren’t being a bad maid! 🙂 It sounds like the main issues you are having are with the Maid/Matron of Honor, not the bride. Realistically, it’s the Bride’s opinion, and your finances that should dictate what you do for the wedding. Have you talked with the bride about the wedding to get more details? If she prefers silver shoes, is it possible you can buy your own style? Most brides realize that being a part of the wedding party means you will be spending money and try to minimize the costs where possible. I would speak to her directly about your concerns and not worry about the Maid/Matron of Honor. In this case, she doesn’t really count?

I’m sorry if that doesn’t make sense. 🙂 I’ve been overwhelmed and know I’ve let things slide as a bride in keeping my party informed. I would want someone in my wedding party to sit down with me and talk out how they feel. Your friend asked you to stand up with her for a reason. I’m sure if you speak to her directly then you’ll be able to work everything out. 

Good luck!  

Post # 5
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I agree totally with the others. The Bride has stated that she doesn’t care what shoes you wear.. so really, that is the only opinion you need in this situation. You do not have to obide by what the Maid/Matron of Honor wants, it’s not her wedding. She doesn’t even have to know what shoes you are wearing, you do not need to tell her. You don’t need to all match, espeically if no one is going to see your shoes. Why is the Maid/Matron of Honor picking out shoes anyway?

Good Luck!

Post # 6
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Okay. First of all, CALL the bride. She must know when the wedding is, assuming she has booked the venue.  If she really is clueless, or impossible to pin down, call her mother.

As far as the Rehearsal Dinner, I guess you can assume it will be the evening before the wedding.  Again, whoever is hosting it should know.  Traditionally, that would be the groom’s family.  If nobody can tell you, then I would just assume that it’s the evening before.  But you, as a bridesmaid, really need to know what time the rehearsal is (if there is one).  Again, I would let the bride know that you have to book your plane tickets, so if she can’t let you know by such-and-such a date, you’ll just assume that arriving by such-and-such a time the day before the wedding will be sufficient.  Most rehearsals are in the late afternoon, so if you’re there by early afternoon you should be good.

It’s hard for me to tell how negligent the bride is being, since you don’t say what date the wedding will be.  Certainly if it’s within the next three months you should be able to get answers, because everything should not only be scheduled, but invitations should be in for printing.

On the subject of the shoes, you absolutely don’t have to listen to the Maid/Matron of Honor.  It’s not her wedding.  Whatever the bride told you goes.  Just wear or buy whatever shoes you like – either some other silver shoe, or something you think will look nice.  If the Maid/Matron of Honor says anything, play dumb and say "But the bride said…"  Bottom line, whatever shoes you show up in are the shoes you’ll wear, right?  Nothing the Maid/Matron of Honor can do about it.  Until then, I would answer all shoe-related communications from the Maid/Matron of Honor with questions about date and time – maybe you can get her to use her shoe-related energy on something actually useful for you.

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