- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Hi fellow bees: I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately, and I wanted to see if anyone else had similar experiences, advice, or just support! It’s kind of a hard subject for me to talk about, but I definitely want advice.
Both my SO & I are students, & while I come from a well-off family his is struggling just to put him through college, pay off debts, etc. While my SO is an extremely hard worker and working hard to get into a good law school and I know he will definitely make money down the road, he does not have a job now over the summer (he will have a small one when he returns to school, but not much)–not because he couldn’t try, but because the job market is really tough especially for students who can only work a summer and not year-round! While I do have a summer job and work more regularly during the school year, so I have some decent savings.
My parents are generously paying for our wedding, and I’ve saved enough to pay for the honeymoon myself. I honestly don’t mind: I WANT to go on a special vacation with my new husband and I really, really don’t mind paying for it. I usually pay for food and such when we go out as well or we go dutch, but it really doesn’t bother me: I know he could pay if he could, and we’re a team. I know someday he will be making a lot more than me, and I believe wholeheartedly you contribute what you have.
But I know not having money really stresses him out, and I know he can also feel like less of a “man” for not paying for things, not supporting me, etc. It really bruises his ego sometimes, though he assures me it’s not my fault. I just wonder if there’s anything I can do other than love him and support him and just let him work through these feelings as he works to make more money in the future.
Any bees out there that make more than their SOs–or who married into debt when they had savings? Anyone whose SO feels guilty about not being able to contribute as much? Just wondered if I’m the only one!