Post # 1
I am so irrationally upset but I need to get this off my chest.
My brother is getting married this year in my parents town. I’ve been asked to be bridesmaid. It’s complicated but it’s peak season and my parents are mid house move. I had nowhere to stay or get ready because all accomodation is booked (my parents new place was supposed to be ready to move in to). So my mum arranged for us to stay in her friends annex. My brother is staying with a friend of his but, because the place we’re staying is pretty for photos, he’s decided he wants to get ready with the groomsmen where Fiance and I are staying. That’s fine but I’ve just been told this morning that I’m not allowed to be there, it’s men only (including Fiance even though he’s not in the wedding). Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t want me getting ready with her because she wants to be with her family only which is fair enough. I can’t be accomodated at my parents because they themselves are in temporary accomodation (by the time the wedding comes along this is just a room in a friend’s house).
Now Fiance and I can technically stay at home as we’re about 60 miles away, but the traffic is likely to be really bad (4-6 hour delay on what is usually a 1.5 hour drive isn’t unusual at peak time of year) or we could stay with FI’s family in the neighbouring town, again the roads can be pretty bad but it’s half the distance. Or we could take a tent but I’d still need a shower etc.
I’m just pissed that I’ve been expected to take a full week off work to help out and wear a dress that looks ridiculous on me. I don’t mind doing either of those things and I’ve not complained because I want them to be happy, but some consideration beyond their wedding photos would have been nice. The venue is FAR more beautiful than this friends annex in my opinion. But then I guess you won’t get photos of them getting ready together.
ETA: We only recently found out that my parents house wouldn’t be ready. My brother always said he didn’t want to get ready with my parents. If it wasn’t for the problems with the new house photos at the annex wouldn’t be an option.
Post # 2
You are a bridesmaid, but the bride doesn’t want you to get ready with her?? AND your brother is kicking you out of your accommodation for stupid reasons, and not letting you get ready there? Both of these things are insanely rude, and I would tell your brother as much. Your Future Sister-In-Law sounds like a peach…
Post # 3
I did not get along with my SIL But I invited her to the bridal suite at our venue as I got dressed because I felt it was the right thing to do. She sat in a corner on her phone and I called attention to it, telling her to join us. Yeah she wasn’t blood related but I married into the family, so she was family.
I think anyone would feel the way you are feeling right now… I’m sorry you feel so lousy, I would feel that way too. You mentioned that you could stay close to the venue? I would do that.
Post # 4
Tell your brother and his fiancee that you are going to have to get ready somwehere, and it can be in another room of wherever they are getting ready. There is no other choice. You can’t get ready at home because you will be a mess after hours in traffic. They have to relent in their wishes and see sense.
You won’t tread on any toes, but after this day, you will be your future sil’s family too.
Post # 5
Is there absolutely NO hotel in the surrounding area? I wouldn’t take a week off for a wedding either, particularly after this incident.
Post # 6
“Sorry, this is where I’m staying and this is where I’ll be getting ready.”
What kind of BS is that to kick you out of your own room?! Ugh.
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
“I made accommodations for myself seeing as the house will not be ready for me to stay with mom and dad. Sine you have changed your mind and do not want me in the annex, I no longer have a place to stay and get ready. I’m sure you agree that it would be ridiculous to drive 60 miles in traffic after getting ready, so if you do not want me present in the annex or in the bridal suite, where will I be able to get ready?”
I would send that to both brother and Future Sister-In-Law.
Post # 8
“I don’t have anywhere else to get ready, and this is where all of my stuff will be. I will try to stay out of the pictures when the groom and his party are here.”
And then just be done with it.
Post # 9
Post # 10
ladyartichoke : eff that. i would’t leave. get ready at the annex and if he wants pics then you’ll just stay out of them. he’ll deal. and what’s with this “men only” BS? makes me wonder what they are planning on doing..
Post # 11
That’s very rude of both your brother and his Fiance. I’d be upset too.
Your Fiance not letting you get ready with her is rude. “Only family” is not the best thing to say when she’s supposed to be getting married into your family on that day. You’re her FI’s sister AND a bridesmaid, to not give you somewhere to get ready is pretty rude.
Your brother kicking you out of where you are staying is incredibly selfish of him, especially when you have nowhere else to stay. I would tell him that he either finds you somewhere else to stay (or his Fiance lets you get ready with her), or you aren’t leaving annex when they’re getting ready. This is just my relationship with my brothers, but if any one of them tried doing this to me, I’d tell him he was being a serious jerk and he’d have to physically remove me from the annex if he wanted me out.
Post # 12
ladyartichoke : oh wow bee. I don’t have an suggestion for you but the whole situation sounds horrible. Why is no one accommodating you? I would be pissed my Future Sister-In-Law didn’t want me to get ready with her. Who has someone as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but doesn’t want them with them in the morning?!
Post # 13
i dont find you to be irrational at all,bee. i find your brother and his fiance irrational. am i allowed to call them both assholes? how in gods name are you a bridesmaid but not allowed to get ready with the rest of the maids? thats bullshit. they should both be ashamed of themselves. how selfish.
i suggest exactly what everyone else is, tell them that is where you are tsaying and you will be getting ready there, they can find somewhere else to take pictures. dont be a pushover. you are not the problem here
Post # 14
Unless this annex is the size of a coat closet, them kicking you out for pictures makes no sense.
Post # 15
Brides always get ready with bridesmaids. That’s weird