Post # 1
I’ve been mulling this scenario over in my head for a while, and I thought it was about time to get some real opinions. This guy who I know (he isn’t my boyfriend by any means, but we’re flirty, we’ve hung out/hooked up a few times…he’s a great guy and there’s definitely potential for something more serious to evolve) has invited me to be his date to his brother’s wedding in a few months. The problem is, he’s also a groomsman in the wedding and, besides him, I would know absolutely no one there. I’ve tried explaining to him why I think it’s a bad idea – it’s a family wedding AND he’s part of the wedding party, he will be busy and I don’t want him worrying about me – but he is set on bringing a date. I honestly think that he should just forgo the whole date thing, but if he really wants me to go, I think I might. Furthermore, the wedding is out of town, as is his family, so meeting them before the wedding isn’t really realistic. First of all, do you think this is a good idea? Also, what would I give as a wedding gift in a scenario like this? Because it’s his brother’s wedding, I’m assuming he wouldn’t be giving a concrete gift at the reception. What should I give, considering I don’t know the couple at all and I’m a plus one?…Am I expected to give a gift?
Any responses are SO appreciated! I just want to navigate this situation really well, particularly because I think he may eventually become a long-term boyfriend, and I don’t want my first interaction with his family to be a negative one!
Post # 3
He probably cares about you enough to want you to spend this special moment with his family. I think it would be odd of him to invite you just for the sake of having a date, especially since he’s part of the wedding party and will probably be busy like you had mentioned. Will you be getting in town before the wedding so that you can at least meet his family prior to the wedding? I think it would be overwhelming for me to meet his family for the first time at the wedding since the main focus should be on the bride and groom.
Post # 4
@pollychai: I think the fact that he’s inviting you means he’s got more feeling for you than you let on in your post. No way would I ever bring a friend with benefits to a family member’s wedding unless I planned on it becoming serious. Waay to many awkward questions & situations there. So !yay! I really think he considers you more than that and possibly serious girlfriend material as well!
Keeping this in mind I’d totally go. I’d ask him casually if he knows of anything you could get the couple as a wedding gift, stress that you’re 100% lost on what to do as you don’t know the first thing about them. He’ll either 1- tell you not to worry and that he’ll put your name on his gift, or 2- tell you where they are registered (in which case I’d just give them a $50 giftcard from there).
Does he have any other siblings or cousins that would be there you cna meet ahead of time? I find other family can sometimes be an easier transition into the family than full on parents….
Post # 5
@BeckyS0: I feel so silly now for not seeing it the way you described – of course no one would bring a friend with benefits to a family wedding, so he probably does have more serious intentions for our future as well. Also, great suggestion for handling the gift situation! It hadn’t even occurred to me that there’d be a registry, but I’m sure there must be! Really can’t decide if going is a good idea – as much as I think he’s a great guy, I just don’t think I even know him well enough, let alone his family, to feel comfortable. Regardless, your suggestions have definitely given me a wider perspective on the situation though, so THANKS!!!!
Post # 6
@alexa1927: Don’t worry about it at all! My now-FI took me as his date to his brother’s wedding, and he was the best man. I really didn’t know many people, but he still managed to pay plenty of attention to me, and we danced all night.
Now we’re getting married. 😉
It’s a non-issue. Just try to put on your social butterfly hat and introduce yourself to the people at your table at dinner. You’ll be fine!