Post # 1
I’m not prego, I’m on the pill, and I’m getting married in 4 weeks. However, I am a planner and we both do want kids someday so…I’m worrying about it. I’m only 21, so we have time. But I have health problems and get sick a lot, and we’re poor and that’s unlikely to change. I’m concerned about the physical repercussions of pregnancy, and then having the energy to take care of a child. Adoption presents the same worries about being able to handle having a child. I really, really, really do want a family, I’m just concerned about it.
If you have kids, or are pregnant, weigh in for me?
Post # 3
I would put off having kids until you can afford it. Kids are expensive. While you don’t need tons of cash in the bank to be a good parent, you need to make sure you have enough income for all the normal expenses of being a parent (food, clothes, childcare, medical, etc) as well as emergency savings.
Post # 4
I voted no, but with an asterisk. I wouldn’t have kids in your situation, NOW. I would wait at least 5-10 more years. You’ll know yourself and what you’re capable of so much better by your late 20s – physically, financially, emotionally. At that point it will be much clearer to you what the right answer is.
Post # 5
@mirabell35: At your current situation, no, don’t have kids.
You are still so young. You have time on your side. Work on your health, get healthy. Then get a good education so you can make more money. Once you have your health and some financial stability, you’ll be in a much better position to take care of a child (either biologically or adoption).
Post # 6
I think it should be decided between you and your SO. Every person has personal reasons for why they should or should not have children. Some people have health problems and do great with children, others cannot. How poor are you? In 10 years, could your circumstances change? It just depends on what you and your SO find important.
Post # 7
We are not planning on having kids for at least another 2 years. We’re not TOO poor, we could financially support a child, just not enough to have like a nanny or anything. Thanks for your input so far. I hear having children later in life is more dangerous physically, though? We want 3-4 kids, so we can’t wait too long…
Post # 8
@jellybellybear: Thanks for that 🙂 We are both in college and will probably have better jobs later, just Fiance wants to be a high school teacher, so we’re never going to be rich. Unfortunately, I can’t work on my health. The problems are out of my control and although we’re trying tons of treatments, nothing has worked yet. 🙁
Post # 9
I had my son when I was 18-19 years old and healthy (and so young!) Ptegnancy was HARD on my body then and I am very afraid of how hard it will be in my 30’s! I didn’t vote because only you know what is right for you. You can raise kids without much money but it is HARD. Especially the older they get. Being financially stable as a parent is a HUGE plus. Parenting itself is stressful and adding health and money issues? Yikes! Best of luck to you deciding what is best for you!
Post # 10
You are still very young. You should hold off on having children for now. You’ll still be young enough to have them in 5 or 10 years.
Post # 11
Having children after 35 increases your risk of complications but it is still possible to have a healthy pregnancy post 35. So YOU have nothing to worry about you have 14 years of low risk pregnancy ahead of you (in a general sense of course every person is different).
If I were you I would stop worrying about it now! Concentrate on your health, advancing your careers and building a foundation in your marriage. You have lots of time!
Post # 12
providing your SO finds a job..being a high school teacher is def well off enough to have a child..obviously its not just “rich” people that have children, or make “good” parents. My high school teachers in a smallish city had plenty of children and made over 50K a year and their spouses usually worked.
Post # 13
No, I wouldn’t in your current situation but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have kids down the road. At 21 you have MANY years left to have a family so rushing into it when you know that you’re physically and financially incapable of caring for a child is irresponsible. Your health is one thing but with hard work, you can change your financial status. The salary of a high school teacher is generally not very high (especially just starting out) but its certainly enough to have a child at some point. Are you capable of working or do your health issues not allow it? Most average families don’t have nannies so being able to afford one means absolutely nothing.
Before you think about procreating you need to figure out how much a child is going to cost. If you don’t work and will be home then daycare won’t be an issue. Then again, depending on your health issues, would you be able to be home with a child all day? Perhaps part time day care would be the way to go. You should get started now and check out the average child care rates for our area. It doesn’t hurt to have some research under your belt before taking the next big step.
Post # 14
I voted no, and I agree with what many of the PP have said. I certainly wouldn’t have children now. I would wait until I was more stable financially and felt more comfortable with my health. My Darling Husband and I are in a similar situation as you. Our jobs will provide security and a good income (I pray), but we will never be loaded. Money would be even tighter if we were to have kids. We chose not to have children because it was not something that either of us truly wanted deep down.
You seem to be approaching this from a very logical standpoint, and, to be completely honest, having children doesn’t make much logical sense. It will be very physically, emotional, and (perhaps above all) financially draining. That being said, if it is truly extremely important to you, then it is worth all that. Having children is a very personal decision that (IMO) never makes logical sense; therefore, you have to look at it from an emotional standpoint. Is not having children something I can live with? Will I regret missing out on this experience or is it not something that truly matters to me? I think the fact that you are considering not having kids (many people I know who want them would never even think twice) is very smart and responsible, but it certainly means you need to reevaluate just how important it is to you. Waiting will allow you time to reanalyze your feelings, become more financial stable, and continue striving to become healthier, so I think this is the best decision.
Post # 15
Thanks for all your input. I really, really, really want kids. I just also want to be a good mother and I’m scared. We are certainly going to wait for financial security. I can and do work as a QA editor, and I’m getting my bachelor’s in psychology, but grad school is unlikely so I won’t be able to make much regardless. It’s hard because I really want kids and am just afraid of not being a good enough mother.
Post # 16
I voted “yes”, but I would definitely wait a few years (like 4-5). People who are poorer than you, less healthy than you, and younger than you have all had kids and it doesn’t mean they’re not capable of being good, strong, stable, loving mothers.