Post # 1
So… I’ve been married for almost a year (yay! it’s awesome!), and I have an odd name change-etiquette question. To make this easy, my last name starts wtih an F, and my husbands is a B. Before getting married, I was a “Miss F”. I chose not to change my last name for a whole host of reasons (namely, because I’m a “Dr. F” and the paperwork change would be a disaster), so I don’t consider myself a “Mrs. B”. So several people have called me “Mrs. F”, which I consider my mother’s name and not mine! Others have called me “Mrs. B” which, if they’re not aware that I didn’t change my name is totally fine, but it’s also not correct (ie, I’m not my mother-in-law). Friends suggested correcting people to the “Dr. F”, but I feel that’s unnecessary. So…
Bees who didn’t change their last name: what do you go by? Ms? Mrs? Which last name do you use?
Post # 3
Technically you are Ms. Not Mrs…. I didn’t change my last name and I go by Ms. I like that best, not only because it proper, but because mrs. maiden name is my mom and mrs. his name is my mother in law! Ms. maiden name is just me 🙂
Post # 4
If I am self-identifying, I use Ms. and I have since I graduated law school years ago, unmarried at the time.
Men are Mr. whether they are married or not. Why should women identify as married or single in this fashion?
Post # 5
One of my friends got married and her husband changed his last name to hers. She just transitioned from being Ms. H to Mrs. H.
(Sadly, she is now getting divorced, but at least she only has to switch from Mrs. back to Ms. and not worry about changing her name.)
ETA: Sorry if that was irrelevant to your question, but it’s the only experience with this issue that I could offer!
Post # 6
sorry I just want to differentiate between miss and ms…. miss is never married, mrs. is married and took husbands name and ms. is married but kept own name, divorced or widowed…
Post # 7
@stargurl101: Not quite. “Miss” means someone who has never married, but it is also appropriate for a lady who uses her own name professionally whether she is married or not, or for a divorcee who takes back her maiden name. “Mrs” indicates a lady who took her husband’s name when she married, but it is also appropriate for a divorcee who continues to use her marital surname. “Ms” is exactly equivalent to “Mr” as gentlemen use the title: it indicates nothing whatsoever about marital status, and you can use it with any surname.
But increasingly with modern usage, “Miss” is becoming the counterpart to “Master”, a formal title for a child who is not yet out; and “Mrs” is being used by married ladies who keep their own surname as well as those who take their husband’s surname.
Post # 8
im in an environment where surnames dont get used in a daily basis (except for emails) but if im referred to by my surname my office knows its Ms Maiden name. i also answer to Mrs Husbands Surname if im called that outside the office and it doesnt bother me/i dont bother correcting them unless i know we will see eachother a lot after initial introduction
Post # 9
Well, I would correct people with what you want to be called. If your name was Anne and people called you Diane you would correct them right? well I don’t think a last name/identifier should be any different.
Post # 10
I’m in the exact same situation. Using your letter scheme, it’s kind of funny, but sometimes people call him Mr. F! I guess they assume I already took on his last name? I have some professional friends who go by Dr. F at work, and tell people to call them Mrs. B socially, but legally they’re still Dr. F, and so am I. No good solution to it. My Darling Husband wasn’t thrilled I didn’t change my name. But he’s not the one who spent 9 years beyond college and a mortgage’s worth of money furthering his education!
Not sure what we’ll do if we ever have children. I’m thinking maybe use F as a middle name? Have you thought that far in advance yet?
Post # 11
I too am a Dr. Maidenname and for about 80 hours per week, I am referred to by this name. Regardless of the etiquette of it all, I do not mind being called Mrs. Husbandslastname in social settings. I think it’s kind of sweet (my mother in law does not use this name because she has remarried). I also don’t mind being called Ms. Maidenname for people who don’t necessarily need to call me Dr. (like when I go to my prenatal appointments).
It seems to be a matter of personal choice and opinion.
Now that we’re expecting our first child, we are planning for the child to carry only his last name.
Post # 12
I go by Ms. MaidenName. Mrs. MaidenName is my mom, not me!
Sometimes people do call me Mrs. MaidenName or Mrs. MarriedName, but it doesn’t really bother me. We’re expecting baby #1 in the next couple weeks and she will just have DH’s last name.
Post # 13
I am called Ms. maidenname. But it’s never really been an issue. I do have people address letters/invitations to mr and mrs husbands last name but it doesn’t bother me. If someone calls me Mrs. HisLastName I don’t correct them. I prefer Ms., though, Mrs. is my mom and for some reason I think it makes me sound old!
Post # 14
@pfinarffle: My niece kept her own name when she married; and when grand-niece Sophia-or-the-acid-tongue was born four years later, her parents gave her the mother’s last name. Which is probably why she and her sister are my favourites among the dozen-plus grand-nieces and nephews. My sister changed her name so none of those offspring are Phipps, and my brother hand only daughters with only the one keeping her own name, so Sophia and Raquelle are the only Phipps in the third generation.
Post # 15
Well this is an old thread but I go by Ms. Mylastname as I did before. No one except for my mother calls me Mrs.Hislastname, if someone were to do this I probably wouldn’t bother to correct them. I don’t mind being referred as that socially even if its not my legal name.
We did get a gift from someone at his work after we signed the legal paperwork and it was addressed Mr and Mrs HisFirst, Middle, and Last. That was a huge shocker to me for some reason.
I mentioned to him the other day what we were going to do if someone decided to write us a check and writes it to mr and mrs his lastname. He joked oh well your just going to have to change your name. Um not funny. I know he would like it if I changed my name but hes so far for the most part been fine with my decision. I think this way is better. His brother’s wife changed her name and I kept mine, makes me feel special somehow. Like oh those are the Mr and Mrs His last name and this is Mr Hislastname and Ms Mylast name. We stand apart as two units seperate from one another.
Post # 16
I am planning to go by Ms, regardless of whether I keep my maiden name or hyphenated with FIs, as I have been for several years now.