(Closed) being a young married parent is hard

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Do you have any way to reach out to other parents? I already know this is the case as it’s changed so much just since I got pregnant. I’m looking into to do thinks like “mommy bootcamp” to get back iinto shape and meet other moms. Also look in your area sometimes there are free programs that you can take your child and meet other parents. 

Post # 4
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@persianprincess:  im 26 and one of my friends that i barely kept in touch with FINALLY has kids and all of a sudden we hand out ALL the time. I was really really young so the parent groups didnt have anyone like me so i was “alone” for years and years. 

The groups are really a great idea though! you’ll need to branch out your social circle until your friends grow up a bit.

Post # 7
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This is a great link to share with friends that have no idea what you are going through with a LO.  I second the idea going to as many mom group things as possible.  Maybe try going on your own (without your mom) and that will help you branch out and make connections.  Do some searches on Facebook to see if there are any mom meet up/support groups in your area.  Check out The Moms Club and see if they have a chapter in your area.  Good luck mama!

Post # 8
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@persianprincess- Is there a reason you bring you mom with you? Don’t get me wrong, my mother and I are very close, but bringing your mother might be hurting you as you mentioned above. I’ve never heard of anyone brining their own mom to mom groups so whether you are 20 or 50 it’s not that off for people to assume that you are like the nanny or something. Try going without her, you might have a much different experience. Also, you probably won’t find too many 23yr olds but I doubt you have much in common with the average 23 yr old, you might get along a lot better and have more in common with people in their later 20’s. 

Post # 9
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I totally understand but from the other perspective – I was the single (and still am the childless) friend! I learned that it’s important for both friends to see things from the others’ perspective. For example, it’s not fair to think it’s annoying that your friends say their busy. People without kids can be busy too. And your friends should understand that your priorities have changed and that you can’t focus all your attention on them.

i guess what I’m saying is it goes both ways. Trust me your childless friends think you’re annoying sometimes as well. But if both value the friendship, you can find that happy middle ground.

Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ChloeTM2707:  I agree, it is unfair to assume single/childless people are not busy. You can busy with a lot of different things, not just children.

Post # 12
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Its different for everyone and everyone “handles” kids differently. I am one of the few without kids among my friends, but those I am closest to do still make time for me. Sometimes the kid tags along and we have a great time, sometimes dad watches the kid and we have a girls night among us.

Honestly, I can say that my girlfriends who have kids I am still close with is because we both reached out. I babysit for free so they can have date night and then her husband will watch the kids once a month so we can go to dinner. Or we all hang out and watch a movie at her house and the kids go to sleep and we open a bottle of wine.

I think the key to connecting with people without kids is trying to compromise. Just because you have a kid doesnt mean they can’t come over to hang out with you and your kid,s or that your husband cant babysit once a month, just as you would be willing to do for him.

Post # 13
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I understand how innoying that can be, my fiance and I have 2 kids under 2 and we both work ( he works days and I work nights) and I only get 2-3 hrs of sleep. And on top of that we’re trying to plan a wedding and get a house so y fiances mom can move in with us. When my friends complain to be about being stressed or tired i always say dont even start with me about being tired -.- I love my friends but they dont understand. So your not alone! Dont be discouraged once they get married and have kids they’ll be coming to you for advice and look up to you!

Post # 14
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I hate to admit that I used to be one of those people.  I never understood how my friends would have kids and then all of a sudden I rarely hear from them.  I just didn’t understand how a baby can change your life so drastically.

I am now a mom working full time and I have never been so tired in my life.  Before baby i used to go to bed no later than 9 p.m and would stay in bed until at least 6:30 during the week day and i would sleep in until at least 10 am on the weekend.  I can’t remember now the last time that I slept in past 7 a.m. and I am lucky if I am in bed before 10:30. 

Now don’t get me wrong I love being a mom more than anything else in the world.  But when I hear one of my co-workers says to me he’s tired and he is divorsed and his child is grown and moved out, i kind of just want to smack him upside the head a little bit.

Post # 15
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had my daughter when I was 23 last year, I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling. I completely understand how friends are “busy” all the time and don’t want to hang out with me if I have to bring my kid, but honestly, they can’t even send a freakin facebook message! I work full time, Fiance works out of town and is gone 9 days, back for 5, and I volunteer with Girl Guides yet I STILL have time to go for coffee or send an email. When I got pregnant I lost a majority of my friends since I couldn’t go out to the bar and drink, or go out for expensive dinners since they all still live at home, work fulltime, and have no bills. In the end, it’s better, because I’ve found out who my true friends are. I have friends that are “busy” but they always try to catch up at least once a month, or they just send a text to say hi. The friends that haven’t made any effort to hang out/phone/text/facebook message in over 3 months I’ve deleted since NO ONE is that busy that they can’t send a 30 second text to say they’re still alive. It really hurt at first to have everyone blow me off, or assume I could just drop everything to go to the bar or leave my kid someplace, but after a while I just forgot about them, since we don’t have much in common anymore. I’ve gone to a few mommy and me groups but I found they were very clicky and it was hard being younger and an outsider when everyone knew each other. I found a few good friends that are younger through answering a mommy group ad online and we’ve grown pretty close. I also joined a few online forums with young moms so it’s helped to talk to people that are going through the same thing. If you ever need to chat you can send me a message!

Post # 16
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry, being in different stages of life than your friends is tough. And it’s totally not fair of them to assume that you aren’t busy because you are a Stay-At-Home Mom. But honestly, your response to PPs of “yall must not have children” when really they just didn’t understand what you were trying to say (which I didn’t either until you clarified) is not fair either. Respect for your time, your life, and what you’re doing with it needs to go both ways. They shouldn’t think that you have free time all the time because you’re at home as a mom, but I can see that it could also be really irritating for your friends to hear, “Oh you don’t understand because you don’t have kids.” I think finding a moms group is a great idea so you can make friends who are experiencing the same things as you and to whom you can relate. But if you want to keep these existing friendships, I just think you’ll have to be careful that the respect goes both ways. They need to respect that your life is different now as a wife and a mom, but you need to make sure that you aren’t giving the impression that the “difference” makes you better. And no I don’t have children, but I can empathize with what you’re dealing with. I’m the first among my friends to get married–most of them are still single, and it is weird and different sometimes. I really do think you guys can make it work, though! Good luck!

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