(Closed) Being angry and silent treatment

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

@imaginary_sea: in every relationship there’s usually somone who wants to “talk it out right away” and the person who “needs time to cool down”

Post # 17
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh gosh what a grub! I dont think I could put up with that for very long. How would he live if you were not there?

Post # 18
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Mine does it too we have a small apartment (mostly because my bro moved in) and his hobby is stereo and fixing up his truck and there is boxes EVERYWHERE and when I ask him to somewhat organize it he gets mad and I feel like I am nagging him. Things just work better in general if its organized right girls?!

Post # 19
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Regardless of whether he needs to calm down, he doesn’t get to ignore you. He can calmly and rationally say, “I don’t want to talk about it right now, could you give me some time to calm down?”  It’s incredibly disrespectful for him to act the way he is, regardless of the subject or how upset he is!

Post # 20
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t talk when I’m mad.  Of course, I would never get mad over something so petty as being asked to vacuum.  But I know with me, it’s not that I don’t want to talk, I just know that when I’m mad I will say things that i don’t mean/would regret.  Thats why I go quiet when I’m mad. 

But as for the chores.  When my Fiance and i moved in together, I seriously made a chore chart like you make for kids.  Split up all the different chores and just gave like one chore a day or whatever.  he’s mostly in charge of laundry and taking out garbage, i’m in charge of straightening up the rooms and vaccumming.  We both take turns on dishes and bathroom duties.  I tried to do without the chart after we had a routine, but I found that he is much better about getting things done if its written down on paper or he is told to do it.  he won’t just do things on his own. 

Post # 21
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

I just want to start by saying, the silent treatment thing, is crap. Not okay. Very immature. BUT, I also wanted to say that ‘nagging’ in whichever form it presents itself, can be very annoying, for anyone. And it seems to me that men, call almost anything nagging and opt for turning themselves ‘off’ or tuning you out, ie ignoring you.

My Fiance and I both do our fair share around the house. I have to admit he is pretty awesome when it comes to cleaning…

However, we both have Friday’s off together. I get up 5 days a week at 6am. I work with children all week plus I tutor after school which makes it a 12 hour day for me. In short, on my Friday off, I don’t like to get up at 8am and atart cleaning! He does!

My point is, when I am not in the same ‘cleaning mood’ as he is and he starts suggesting precisely what cleaning duty he wants me to do at 8am, on my day off, when I haven’t even had my coffee, it can be quite annoying.. Just suggesting that maybe asking him to do the cleaning duty and reminding him that that duty is his for when he would like to get around to it.

We all have to remember that just because we want something done one way or done right now, doesn’t mean that the other person has to comply. Maybe try with the, “Baby, it would be super awesome if you could get around to vacuuming today. That would he me out a lot! Doesn’t have to be right now….”

I’m thinking that just because you said it a few times, possibly with that irritated tone(?) that that may be why he didn’t do it, at all. He feels you are nagging. People get told what to do left and right at work, it sucks coming home to it.

I’m not suggesting that you are at fault, at all, but sometimes it can be the way you say something, or the way you ask. He should also definitely be contributing to house work. If he doesn’t smarten up and get around to it on his own time, you might have to make a cleaning schedule!

Good luck!

 

Post # 22
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it’s fine to get quiet when you’re upset, or need some time alone, but you should at least tell people that. It doesn’t matter why you’re upset. It’s so sad when adults have temper tantrums.

Post # 22
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it’s fine to get quiet when you’re upset, or need some time alone, but you should at least tell people that. It doesn’t matter why you’re upset. It’s so sad when adults have temper tantrums.

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