(Closed) Being attracted to others when you’re engaged…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve actually experienced this every now and then. To me, it’s natural to be attracted to others. Being engaged doesn’t turn off your instincts and the fact you still have eyes that work. The thing to remember is that you are still committed but there’s no harm in looking.

Post # 5
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@abcdefghijj:  If that is the case, maybe you need to rethink your engagement and the current relationship you are in. Getting cold feet can happen and it is normal. Maybe that is what is happening. My advice would be to think about it, make a pro & con list on whether you should end the engagement and start a new relationship. I would also find out how the other person you are attracted to feels about you. Hope this helps. 

Post # 6
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Hmm… well, I’m not blind just because I’m in love – I notice attractive men and can appreciate their good looks, but honestly, that’s as far as my thoughts go. I have no desire to flirt, no “what if’s”, no crushes. 

Is this a new feeling, has something changed between you and your FI? 

Post # 7
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

is the attraction based on appearance alone?  if it is, then it sounds like just a physical urge … which is just that.  physical urges will not give you commitment, support, consideration, companship … you get my point.  if the attraction is based on legitimate characteristics that are the foundation of someone’s personality, then that’s different.  the other thing i would point out is something that a lot of people might disagree with.  noticing that someone else is physically attractive is totally normal.  but continuing to consider them, speak to them, develop a friendship with them, these are all choices.  if you are broke and you see something nice in the window, do you walk into the store thinking “let me just see what’s in here”?  no, you keep walking.  going into the store is setting yourself up.  when you make a decision to get married you have decided that this is the person you are committed to regardless of who else is out there – in which case, stop looking.

Post # 9
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think this is reason to re-evaluate your engagement. You’re human. It’s going to happen. Pretending like it won’t might very well set you up for failure.

What’s important, though, is that you recognize those thoughts and do everything you can to minimize the possibility that it can become a problem. As little contact as possible, always with people, introduce your Fiance to the person if possible. And recognize that the idea of someone is often a lot more attractive than the reality.

Post # 10
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it’s ok to look. There are a couple of guys that I have said to my friends “Girl if I was single!” lol If you having sexual desires and thinking about acting on them, then I think it might be time to step back and make sure you are ready to be married.

Post # 11
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side…

I think it’s only human to acknowledge that being in a serious relationship doesn’t stop the biological process of attraction.

 

Post # 12
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

You  just don’t go there.  You don’t consider it.  The grass is always greener.  Once you have someone, it doesn’t mean that aren’t others out there, it means you stop looking.  You don’t consider it.

Post # 13
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Just do your best to avoid being near that person. 

Post # 14
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly, I think it’s going to happen to everyone at least once or twice. I don’t believe that there is just ONE person out there for everyone – attraction is largely chemical-based, so you’re going to meet people and become friendly with them and maybe think, “Wow, we could have something.”

Marriage, however, is a conscious choice to commit yourself to one person only for the rest of your life. If you take those vows (or make public your intentions to), then I think you have to keep the perspective that you’re making this active choice to be with someone and remember you reasons in times when your mind/heart wander.

I’ve felt definite chemistry with a couple of other people throughout the course of my relationship, and I definitely know what you’re talking about. But I pulled myself back and thought about why I was with Fiance, why I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and I realized that yeah – maybe I could have something with another person. But it would never come close to what I have with Fiance, and I believe anyone else would just leave me comparing to him and wishing it were him instead.

Post # 15
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you think about it you’ll realize it’s not worth it. If you really love your guy and you think about the possibility of losing him just to persue this person that you’ve idealized in your mind, you’ll realize it’s just a passing thing. If you’re okay with the thought of losing Fiance then you should rethink your relationship. If I had feelings for someone else I would stay away from them, I couldn’t lose Darling Husband over a crush.

 

Post # 16
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

LOL.  I actually have a male client who is absolutely adorable.  Everything about him is hot, cute or sexy.  He even has the same birthday as me Smile.  I see him about once a month, I get excited when I see him on my schedule, I enjoy seeing him, and I think of him for about 30 minutes after he leaves.  Then, he is completely 100% out of my mind and I am thanking the heavens that I have my SO in my life.  He is everything I could ever ask for in a man.  I go to bed with him at night and all is right in the world.  

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