(Closed) Being bullied at work and at my breaking point

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry! That sucks. I was bullied in middle school and the best thing you can do is rise above and ignore them…honestly…they’ll move on to someone else when they’re bored with you.

Post # 4
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@snowshoebride:  I would get out of that job as fast as you can.  I suffer from depression and had a similar experience with my coworkers at a previous work place.  I almost lost it.  Like literally almost had a nervous breakdown.  My fiance was begging me to leave my job cause he could see what it was doing to me but I was so worried about being unemployed and not having enough money…  As I was sitting in the parking lot on a 25 min break, (I was only supposed to take 10 min) balling my eyes out, trying to figure out how to survive the rest of the day not to mention the rest of the week/month/year I realized he was right.  It was NOT worth it.  I quit. With no other job, no prospects, no money, but no stress from the workplace.  And I have never regret that decision.  Actually I have thought many times, what was I thinking? Why didn’t I quit sooner!?  Your mental health is more important than you realize.  If you can go out on short term disability I would definitely say do it.  If not, just quit.  It will be best for you if you are anywhere near the situation I was in.

I found a new job 3 weeks later and still work there today (2 years now.). I LOVE my new job. I am very happy.

Post # 5
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ugh, my mom was bullied at her workplace too. She’s also a preschool teacher and she came into Canada knowing NO English, but she’s now at around 90% fluency. They make fun of her because she can’t speak English properly, and I think they’re jealous because, although being firm with the kids, they love her more than any of the other children. She ended up quitting the job and working for the school district, and after she left the daycare, a lot of parents pulled their kids out because my mother wasn’t working there anymore (I’ve actually seen the emails they sent to my mom firsthand and I was so shocked). 

All the best in getting a new job. I know how hard it can be. And as for the bullying, stick it out and you will be rewarded with joy and happiness and your coworkers can boil in a pot of their own witch juice 🙂

Post # 6
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

This situation really sucks and I’m sorry you’re going through it. It’s happened to me a few times and I’m a total quitter with no hesitation.  But that’s terrible advice, I’ve regretted it in some cases. I hope you can stick it out until the prospective job can begin. Is there any staff member at all that you can talk with professionally, just to keep your wits about you in your work environment? I don’t mean talk about the bully stuff, definitely don’t talk about that with anybody else there at this point. Maybe don’t even talk about home or social life unless you’re asked. But I think if you can get some professional dialogue going on with somebody there who pretty much minds there own business too, then you will be able to take your focus off the jerks.

Also, I highly recommend keeping records as much as you can without it being too much of a distraction, in case you need to file a harassment action. 

Post # 7
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Um, I would report her to HR if that’s possible.  I’m sorry for your loss, btw.  🙁

Post # 8
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Jeeze you poor thing!!

 

I dont know if this will work at all in your situation, but have you tried talking to someone one-on-one? I was in a similar situation to this, and while I found a new job this made this situation at least better until I did. I found the “weakest link” in the chain of bullying (someone who at least used to seem to like me) and asked if I could buy her a cup of coffee on a break. She let me, probably because it was too akward for her to say no, and I just blurted out to her that I felt like people were treating me differently and asked her if it was because of something I did. I really phrased it like “please, help me realize what I’m doing wrong, my feelings are really hurt and I’m miserable” and after a lot of hemming and hawwing and “really? I dont see it” and “i dont think thats true at all” she finally admitted a little bit that our shared boss was treating me a lot more coldly than my co-workers, and that maybe that had trickled down.

 

Honestly it was the most awkward conversation ever and don’t get me wrong: I got no apology and no explanation. But she warmed to me after that. It was like I had given her a chance to say what was up and when she couldnt think of anything she had no choice but to treat me like a human being after that, and it slowly spread out to some of my other coworkers (I’m sure she recounted our conversation).

 

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this and I hope you can find a way to make it through!

Post # 9
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

You should look for another job…. RIGHT NOW.  I know you love the kids, but you’re a pre-school teacher … they grow up and leave… and now you have to leave too.  They will survive.   I know from my own work history, when you feel like this you’re really NOT doing the job you’re supposed too and you’re short changing those kids.  (it’s not a zing or a slam) you just can’t do your job 100%.  Find a better place for you and you will be the great teacher you’re supposed to be. 

Also .. once you leave … those women will be turning on each other in NO TIME.  Get out now while you can!!

Post # 10
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have been bullied at the workplace before too.  I can really empathize.  I never knew what to do either, and was fired both times.  I hope that you can take care of yourself.  Can you file harrassment? I wish I knew how that works. Someone suggested that to me right before I got fired. I wish you all the best.

Post # 12
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

WOW. How terrible. And what is worse these people are school teachers! They of all people should be aware of what bullying is and what it does to people! Kids aren’t the only ones who fall victim to it. This is NOT okay. I would keep very detailed records of it and take it all to the school board and if nothing happens from them i would take it to the media. I would not want my children going to a school with teachers like this. I do not want their bad attitudes and mannerisms rubbing off on my children!

Post # 13
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Teachers can be the cliquiest, nastiest, meanest group of people.  I think it’s because they’re mostly women, and women can be catty when they get in groups.  

I like the idea of picking one person to try to get to know.  

 

Also…I had some problems at my last school because people thought I was cold and aloof.  I am not — I am just awkward sometimes.  Maybe you are sending out signals you’re not aware of.  

Post # 14
Member
3567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You need to start documenting these occurences when you feel bullied.  Go to whoever is over your boss and file a harrassment claim.  It’s called “creating a hostile work environment.”  The fact that you told the board of directors about this and there seems like nothing is done, would worry me.  If you tell them you want to file a claim and threaten to hire a lawyer if nothing is done to remedy this, I’m pretty sure something will change.

 

Post # 15
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@snowshoebride:  I’m so sorry for your loss, and also for what you’re going through. Workplace bullying is not fun, I have been there. What you need to do is keep a book at home and write down everything that happens. It’s important to keep this document because you never know when you may need it down the track (people have rightfully sued for workplace bullying – your boss has a duty of care to make sure staff aren’t bullied, but if she’s part of it, she could be in BIG trouble). Is the preschool you work for a small independent one, or is it a chain of preschools? If it is a chain, you could get on to head office and lodge a complaint. If it is independent, then I’m sure it would fall under a board of education, or some kind of industrial relations. I once contacted industrial relations, after I worked for a husband and wife couple who held impromptu meetings with me, and once gave me an unjustified warning for a really stupid reason. This is actually illegal – I should have been given the opportunity to have a representative there of my choice – 2 against 1 meetings are not acceptable. Industrial relations were horrified, and told me if I want to take things further, that they would be there. (I ended up finding another job). So there are people out there who will help you, it’s just a matter of finding who it is. If it’s getting too much at work, see your doctor – they can give you time off work for stress leave. A doctor once did that for me when I was bullied by an older woman at another job, and he said if things don’t improve, he is pulling me out of that workplace. Seek the help you need, don’t put up with this unacceptable behaviour.

Hugs to you xx

Post # 16
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Ashley_P:  Agreed! 

And I am also a quitter.  I refuse to let my mental health and wellbeing be downgraded for a job especially one where I put my heart and soul into the work.  If it’s not a good fit then it’s time to move on. 

Also, +10 on the keeping records thing. 

I did this at my last job and it really worked out in my favor.  I won an unemployment case because of good record keeping and was able to prove that the workplace was unsafe and causing me emotional distress…among many other claims that we won on.

Really sorry this is happening to you…I work with young people.  And it’s amazing…everyone says oh wow that must be so hard.  But it’s not.  It’s the really rediculous adults who act in shameful ways.

 

ETA: Even though it was completely validating to win the case and to be out of that place…and to feel like in some ways they may have learned a lesson.  Being on unemployment sucked and I felt very depressed…it’s punitive system.  Being a hardworker and overachiever I just felt totally lost.  I eventually moved on and looking back I kick myself for not just enjoying the well deserved time off.  But now, in the future if I ever get a break from life I’m taking it! 🙂

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