Being bullied into spending Christmas with nightmare MIL

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Yup. I would not be staying over if she’s throwing a fit. But then again, that’s how I handled my children when they were toddlers. You’re adults, do what YOU want. 

Post # 3
3066 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I don’t blame anyone wanting to enjoy their own bed if it’s a simple drive to get there. Christmas won’t be ruined by allowing everyone to sleep in longer. 

Do what you feel comfortable with! I don’t think your husband should leave you to drive alone on Christmas Day…so hopefully he can ignore the emotional blackmail.

Post # 4
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

No way in jose would I be there. As hard as it is, i’d stick my ground. “I’ll see ya later on Xmas, thanks bye!”

Post # 5
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Steph77:  It sucks for you both that his mom is being such a witch about everything, but you know what…you will be 9 months pregnant and in my mind at that point your comfort trumps everything.  I think that if they are mad about the compromise then they’ll just have to suck it up.  There will probably be many more battles to come once the baby is born and his mom has opinions on everything under the sun, so in my opinion, it is better to stay firm on your wishes starting right now.  It’s not like you haven’t already compromised with your plans as you hadn’t even planned on coming to their place originally at all.

Post # 6
2442 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d hold your ground but I tend to dig in my heels when other people get unreasonable. Unless you’re visiting from out of town, I don’t see the need of adult children to spend the night at their parents’ house for Christmas. 

Both of you should just head over mid-morning and leave that evening/night. 

Post # 7
4868 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Nope. No one emotionally manipulates me or my dh into doing anything anymore. Saying this as a an ACON. Not worth it. 

Post # 8
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Steph77:  I think your offer was perfectly fine. Spending a little time on Christmas day. Don’t buckle, Mr. Steph77!!! Noooooo!! And if they really are so awful, I’d just say no for future stuff. Not worth all this drama.

Post # 9
1911 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Be firm. Her son is a grown ass man with a wife and a baby on the way. It’s not about her anymore.

Post # 10
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m 100% positive that the 36 week pregnant lady should have priority in this situation. Lol. I’d laugh at my Mother-In-Law so hard and anyone that sided with her. Im a peppermint petty though. 

Post # 11
2184 posts
Buzzing bee

Steph77:  “I’m sorry mom, but Steph will be 36 weeks pregnant. She needs a lot of rest, doctor’s orders, and isn’t well enough to travel or do much in terms of helping with dinner or taking care of the nieces/nephews and she needs my help. I know [BIL] just got a great new laptop and I’m sure he’d show you how to use Skype, and the two of us can set up a time to video chat during Christmas since I won’t be there in person. Love you, bye!” *click* *slide to power off*

Post # 12
1312 posts
Bumble bee

Hell no. The worst thing you can do with a narcissist is cater to their every whim. You and your Darling Husband need to set boundaries and stick to them. Ignore the endless guilt tripping (which I get would be difficult) but this type of behavior borders on abuse. 

Post # 13
273 posts
Helper bee

Stick to your guns! Your compromise is extremely reasonable. It’s hard to hold out, but if you give in her behavior is reinforced and she’ll continue to intrude and overstep. The standard will have been set. Hopefully, if you continue to set and enforce your boundaries eventually she will learn to respect them, or at least learn to deal with them. Good luck!

Post # 14
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

“Steph is getting very stressed with all this disagreement, and her doctor is suggesting bed rest and that she doesn’t venture out at all over Christmas, even just to exchange presents.”

In other words, STFU or you won’t see us at all.

Post # 15
329 posts
Helper bee

Wow, so you’re going to buckle everytime she has a tantrum? You’re just asking for more in the future then. Does your Darling Husband realize that? Sorry Bee, that sucks.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  keepitsimple.
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