Post # 1
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
So as some of you may have gathered, I am rather blunt. Not mean or vicious, just honest. I also defend myself when attacked.
I work in a mainly male field and I have noticed that this “personality” of mine does not go over well with some men. I will get called out for literally doing exactly what others are doing and when I look around I am the only woman. If I am aggressive, I am pushy. If I am kind, I am weak. If I am quite, it’s my period (yes. that has been said to me. awkwardly it was true…)
I just wonder if anyone else deals with this?
My SO loves my personality as do 98% of the people I meet. They will all say the same thing, “subtlebee is demanding and opinionated but so much fun and such an amazing friend.” It’s true I am a complex person and I don’t believe in regret so I go for it, whatever it is. I just wonder why something that makes me so successful in life is so terrifying to certain men in my workplace.
Post # 3
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
I thought of this pin when I read your post
Post # 4
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
@subtlebee: That’s easy. When guys aren’t sure of themselves, regardless of the situation, they tend to be intimidated by people who are.
Most guys violently reject the idea of being intimidated by a woman, and try to degrade the woman in such a way that they can feel superior to her for other things.
If you have a forceful personality, that’s most likely what’s happening.
The solution?
I’m not sure how to begin to accurately express my feelings about this kind of behavior on here without bannination, but basically I would call out any guy who feels intimidated by this; “dude, it’s YOUR responsibility to make sure you know all the stuff you’re supposed to. If she knows what she’s talking about, and you don’t, that’s your fault. Sack up and quit being a huge baby.”
Post # 5
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
Yay, sexism :(. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Just stay strong and keep being awesome at your job; there’s not much else you can do.
Post # 6
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Those men are most likely intimated by you! It doesn’t bother me in the least if people don’t like me! No matter what you do, some people just won’t like you. So, you might as well be true to yourself!
Post # 7
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper
Me: thick skin and strong opinion. Bullies don’t like it. The feeling is mutual.
Post # 8
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
I picked strong and hated but can’t it be strong and loved? In my former job I was the only chick working there with 10 guys. I find that as long as you aren’t a prude, can tell a dirty joke, are smart and strong, and do your job .. i’ve done just fine.
Post # 9
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
Yea, I mean at this point I’m grown and not really going to change my personality. I figure their issues aren’t mine so I shouldn’t let it bother me.
Sometimes it puts me in an awkward situation where I just have to smile and walk it off (ie the guy asking if I was quite because of pms in front of the whole class) wtf dude? I’m the only girl in the room so I just kinda laugh and roll my eyes.
It’s like men can be terrible at life and have tons of confidence, but if a woman is killing life dead and totally rocking it, she should be humble. pfffff!
@yellowshoe: hahaha I’m really pretty nice so I hope I don’t have enemies! perhaps…frenemies?
@MR_rosworms: I generally remove myself from those situations. If its class/work related I obviously engage but not on the personal stuff. I don’t wanna slip up and curse anyone out!
Post # 10
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
@HisIrishPrincess: I actually come from an all male family is just in my line of work the type of guy doesnt seem to react well to strong ladies. Like they respect each other and not the women. I’ve actually never been in this situation before but it’s annoying! It’s going to need to change because I am not going to.
Post # 11
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
@subtlebee: May I ask what field you work in? I studied/work in aviation and am the only woman at my workplace, and I experience a lot of the same reactions from some men. I’m rather petite so I don’t think anyone would call me intimidating but I’m sure there’s been plenty of men skeeved out by the fact I tow and refuel airplanes for a living and fly them on the side. I’ve been looked at like I have three heads. /:
I picked strong and hated, but I think that over time, your male peers will come to respect you rather than hate you.
ETA: I doubt they actually hate you. It just sounds like they’re not the most tolerant people, or just trying to ruffle your feathers.
Post # 12
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
@subtlebee: that sucks. I have four brothers and no sisters so I was used to being pretty sarcastic and aggressive with guys. You must be intimidating the pants off of them. Do not change … they are just going to have to grow up and deal with a strong woman. Hang in there 😀
Post # 13
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
@subtlebee: I’m not voting because I don’t think that anyone necessarily needs to make that choice. You can be strong and liked.
Post # 14
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
@subtlebee: I work in a 90% male environment too.
Post # 15
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
@Merloh: good ol phd program in academia. It’s a boys club (even though I quite like most of those boys) it can get a bit old when certain men can’t be respectful. It’s like a strange mix of work and college so I think the blurred lines don’t help people behave.
@HisIrishPrincess: they’ll have to pry school from my frigid fingers!
Post # 16
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
@nycsa: +1.
I work in a male-dominated company right now and I’ve worked in both women-dominated and men-dominated departments and honestly, I don’t think it is this black and white. I’ve always been strong and voiced my opinions, but with my male-dominated groups and colleagues, I’ve always been one of the favorites (and yes, it’s mostly based on my personality, not looks/outfits/etc). I think you can be strong and effective without being hated. If anything, i’ve actually found this to be more true in women-dominated departments, where the other women would be very passive aggressive if you were a strong, confident women.
