(Closed) Being called a Wife before marriage

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I have a friend who calls her husband “the hubster” and refers to herself as “wifey for lifey.” Not kidding. She makes them her hashtags on FaceBook. It’s awful. Lol.

Post # 47
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My boyfriend once referred to me as “the wifey” and I gave him the “oh hell no” look and he’s never called me it again. wink

When I was previously engaged my ex would sometimes refer to me as “wife to be” which was fine, but maybe we were jinxed since we never did marry.

Post # 48
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I had to correct a few people about this years back.  H’s mother, sister, and brother started calling me his fiance, when he’d never asked.  So I quietly corrected them, stating just that – “no, I’m just his girlfriend, I’ve not been asked.”  That put an end to it.

When we got engaged, and the wedding got closer, I let being called”wife” slide a bit because people meant something  nice by it.  But before he’d even gotten around to ring shopping, no.  I felt the same as the OP – that it would take the uneasiness off of him about having to actually ask, that it would give him a pass.  People don;t do things when they are comforatble, and I wanted him to feel as umcomforatble as I did about it.  I wasn’t a shrew.  I gave him no ultimatums, but I made it clear if I wasn’t a F or a W, don’t call me that.  And if people decided to ask him, “what?  you;re not even engaged?” and it made him feel bad, or he could tell it made me feel bad, good.  

Post # 49
Member
1610 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Fiance and I refer to each other as husband and wife in certain situations. For example, we have been arranging for a TV/internet person to come in and fix our TV and internet. When he is on the phone with them he says “my wife will be home.” etc. Sometimes it’s just easier to say than fiance! We never would have done it before we were engaged though.

I also really don’t like the word fiance. I feel like when I use it I am basically saying “ask me about my wedding!” lol. So sometimes I just say my husband. Or I say my boyfriend. It kinda goes both ways 🙂

Post # 50
Member
491 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
DrCrazyCat :  We also use partner more to identify ourselves versus gf/bf.

We both agreed calling each other husband and wife is something that happens after marriage. We correct everyone LOL. We have been together 5 years, had 2 children together, and we don’t use husband and wife. We certainly are not rushing into it either, other plans for us are taking priority over our future marriage and wedding.

Post # 51
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Other people assumed we were married YEARS before we were. We dated 10 years before he proposed so when I mentioned getting married over half the time I’d hear “wait, I thought you were already married years ago!”

Post # 52
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
BrynRyley :  I just think it’s silly.  One of my Facebook friends used to call her boyfriend ‘hubby’ all the time, and it just annoyed the crap out of me.  Like what’s wrong with girlfriend/partner or whatever you want to use, that’s actually accurate haha.

If he wants to call you his wife, he should wife you IMO.

Post # 53
Member
216 posts
Helper bee

A couple years ago my bf told me he referred to me as “the wife” to his cousin in conversation when he was visiting with him. He told me his cousin said he can’t call me wife til he actually puts a ring on it and marries me…the fact that he actually told me all this tells me that at that time, he didn’t mind the idea of marrying me…oh how I wish those days could be these days before I fucked myself and signed myself up for several more years of dating before a proposal … 😒

 

Last year at thanksgiving w his family he made some commoner like “happy wife happy life”. And I corrected him quickly…in front of his family that we were NOT married.

 

it can be endearing when it signifies that he is interested in marrying you, but to be overly used isn’t cool in my opinion.  If a man wants to constantly refer to you as his wife or wifey, etc…marry her.

Post # 54
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Have to say I’m finding the comments interesting, its almost like a very old fashioned atttidue to marriage, I get the whole call a spade a spade thing, married=wife, not married=girlfriend. But for some, saying your boyfriend is getting all the “benefits” of marriage without the commitment- that reminds me of some 1950s dont give anything away til youve got a ring on style man trapping.

I think theres a generational gap, i know older people who do not like the term partner, finding it too modern or non gender specific, but find boyfriend to be too “temporary” for a long lasting relationship that hasnt reached marriage. Bidey-in is the colloquial term here (as in bides/live together) but bit informal. Ive heard hubby used in that context. We were together for almost a decade before marriage, he referred to me as girlfriend, fiancee, wife as appropriate lol. His family referred to me as DIL from when we were engaged i think, my family didnt refer to him as SIL until he officially was, just different levels of comfort with new family realtionships I want to be know as his wife and he as my husband for my own beliefs in marriage. 

Maybe comes down to your intentions. i have friends who have made a lot of commitments to each other but have no intention of marrying, id probably be a bit offended if they used husband/wife as theyve been pretty clear they think marriage is pointless. Dont buy into it, dont use it. But if youre headed that way anyway, crack on. If youve known each other a few weeks and think its cute to use it you are wrong 😛 

 

PS he tried “wife face” (Scrubs). I shut that right down. Makes me shudder. So infuriating. 

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