(Closed) Being childish I know but…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Your digging-in reaction is a bit childish but its your body so honestly you can do whatever you want. If you’re not bothering him about it then he should really just leave you alone to do (or not do) what you want. If, on the other hand, you’re complaining about your back all the time I can see why he’d be pushing the solution. My absolute  #1 pet peeve is people complaining about things they have the power to solve. In my mind you have two options: don’t solve the problem and keep your mouth shut about the consequences, or solve the problem. If you’re complaining to him then I think you open the door to get nagged about it. 

Post # 4
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have a feeling you are upset because your Fiance is just telling you something you already know. He’s nagging because he cares…..because he hates seeing you in pain like that. But i also completely agree with Corgi. One of my peeves is also people who complain and never do anything to fix it. It sounds like he’s doing a lot to help you–massages, etc–and he wants you to do something to help yourself. What if you enrolled in yoga twice a week or something? For me, paying for a class like that motivates me to go.

Post # 5
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think anyone enjoys being told what to do, it’s not fun. But, it really sounds like your Fiance is concerned for your well-being. If anything, I’d say you have a good man who motivates you when you don’t motivate yourself. Especially when it comes to your health. I agree with Corgi and EJ, if you are okay without the stretching regiment, it is your body… but I also agree that your Fiance shouldn’t have to hear about the effects of it either.

Yoga is amazing, you should def give that a try– it’ll keep you on a minimal schedule and help you with your back as well 🙂

Post # 6
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

My boyfriend had a back injury and was in pain for the better part of the year. I know you are the one in pain, but I know in our situation when he was in pain I had to pick up a lot of slack. He couldn’t stand long to do the dishes, bend to make the bed, I got less sleep because he was tossing all night, I had to all the driving. I’m not goign to lie, that year was rough. If this is the case for you, I could see how I would be frustrated when you could do something about the pain. If it’s not the case, chalk it up to him being concnered for your well being but tell him you can take care of yourself.

Post # 7
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My brother (and mom and grandma) all have extremely bad backs from some genetic condition. My brother has had at least 2 (maybe more- I can’t remember anymore) serious surgeries on his with results that were only temporary. He too was told that the only thing he could do was exercise and stretch. At one point his back was so bad that he was constantly at a pain level of 8 (out of 10). He couldn’t even pick up his 1 year old daughter who only wieghed 18 pounds.

He now has a 2.5 year old and a 8 month old, just graduated with a master’s degree while working a full time internship, and just finished contracting the building of his new house. He is an extremely busy person (he prefers it that way). But he has learned that he HAS to make exercising a priority. And now, he even sees it as a way to relax and get away from everything else that he has to do (and with 2 very little girls- I don’t blame him- it must be relaxing!).

I do understand that it sucks when people constantly tell you that you have to do something. I hate it and I sometimes have that same reaction to want to not do it even more. But, I understand the seriousness and the consequences of back problems. You have to decide for yourself that this is a priority and instead of trying to find time around the rest of your schedule to exercise, you have to decide that exercise is the priority and make sure your schedule will work around the time you set aside to work on your back.

Post # 8
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My advice would be to tell him exactly what you said – that him reminding you all the time makes you feel like you are letting him down, and that the guilt/pressure is simply not something you can deal with right now. You’ll do it in your own time.

Marriage = communication. Communicate with him.

Post # 10
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I really don’t know how he finally motivated himself to do it. I think a lot of it was that his pain levels got so bad that he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t stand for too long, becuase it hurt more then. But he also couldn’t sit becuase that hurt too. He could lay down but you can’t really do anything then. And it might have been his little girls. He couldn’t stay home and watch them while his wife went out to get grocerys or anything because he couldn’t pick them up.

He started by going to the school work out facilities before and/or after class everyday that he was on campus. Our school is great because they have a newly remodeled top of the line gym. Pretty much the only thing he could do for a while was the eliptical machine becuase the others were too hard on his back. Slowly he’s worked his way up to being able to do anything. He even go out and plays raquetball now- which I am sure is really hard on a back!

I know that nagging doesn’t help at all. Maybe next time he starts bringing it up and saying you should stretch, you could ask him to do it with you. Or you could ask him to start going to the gym with you or sign up for an exercise class together that you would both enjoy. I know I hate working out alone and would never go if it was only up to me. But if you do it together and hold eachother accountable, you would be more likely to do it. Plus, then it would be something that would bring the two of you closer together rather than cause tension between the two of you.

Post # 11
Member
3204 posts
Sugar bee

Hey MrsT2b!

I think that your situation is a terrible one to be in. Back pain has got to be the worst! (I’ve fallen off horses and onto my back a few times, not good!). Anyway, if you don’t mind…what have you done already to get the back pain better? Traditional medicine, or chiropractic and acupuncture and stuff like that? My mom was suffering from a hurniated disc in her lower spine that was about to rupture so she couldn’t sit, stand, bend over, dress herself, etc for a few weeks while she had daily chiropractor adjustments. However, in the end she avoided surgery which was the most important thing for her. Have you tried/ looked into this? I don’t know where you stand but it has really helped my whole family, plus if you find a good one they will help you with so much more than your back! I’m sure you already know this but so much of pain is related to more than just the area in question, so stretching/exercising definitely makes sense to address the root causes.

Also, ask yourself about a few things before you write off how much time can be devoted to stretching…like how much will this affect your quality of life later? what will it mean for your SO, not just now but years down the line? what other things, besides time constraints and academic commitments are affecting your resistance to committing to this exercise program?

I don’t know where you go to school, but usually universities offer some sort of free fitness classes to students.

All I can say is that there is time where you make it! Keep your head up and really enlist help from you SO and other loved ones to help you make this journey so when you feel like quitting someone will help you along your path. And just so you don’t think I’m being a hypocrite, I work part time, am training as an Air Force officer, and double majoring, and still put in work outs! You can do it!!! Instead of fighting your SO, use their motivation and support to both of your benefit!

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