(Closed) Being completely selfish, my cousins wedding the day after my 21st… gutted!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
9071 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Maybe it’s because birthdays never meant much to me, even my 21st, but getting upset over this is really ridiculous to me. Just have a party whenever. You’ll be able to get drunk whenever you want now. It will lose its novelty pretty quickly. 

Post # 17
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wait, I thought “no one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do”?! So I’m not understanding why OP is “being ridiculous” for caring about her own birthday (instead of focusing only on someone else’s wedding) when she isn’t irrationally angry or upset.. Just bummed. 

OP, I think it’s fine to be bummed, but I don’t think you should rule out the Saturday party, either. If you’re planning your party, I would hope that people would plan to not be too hungover to go. Or the joint party with your friend might work as well. 

Post # 18
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

At least they aren’t having it the day before! Positive thoughts! Do a joint party with your BFF. You’re BFFs, you’ll be together anyway.

Post # 19
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I think your 21st is a big deal. However, I think you’re overthinking the whole situation…a lot. On your actual birthday on Thursday, go out to dinner and have a few drinks. Drink at the wedding on Friday. And then, solution: have a party on Saturday.

I mean, I could understand if you turned 21 on the Saturday and were bummed you couldn’t have a party that night (although post wedding afterparty would be totally doable) BUT were you planning on having a party Thursday night? If not, then your party wouldn’t have been on your birthday regardless.

Post # 20
Member
4270 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
DanniD94: First of all, I think we need a little more context. Are you upset over a family birthday party or getting drunk and going out with your friends? Because if it’s the latter, not really sure why you can’t do that on Saturday night or, hell, even Thursday night. In my experiences, cousins are not usually invited to the rehearsal dinner to begin with. 

I’ll preface this by saying that I honestly think you are overreacting just a little bit. Not sure why a Friday wedding would impact the rest of your birthday weekend. My sister married on my grandparent’s anniversary, and she had a special announcement made and brought out a special cake just for them. Maybe your cousin could do something similar if she was willing? If not the cake, then maybe a special announcement? That being said, I don’t know why if your birthday is on a Thursday and the wedding is on a Friday why you couldn’t do anything on the Saturday? It seems like the perfect time, if your entire family is going to be together! Plan a casual get together for everyone. I think the only people who would be unable to attend might be your cousin and their spouse, but besides that, I’ve never been unavailable for days after a family member’s wedding to do other things. The day after my sister’s wedding we all got together at a family friend’s house to hang out. I promise you this will not be the first time in your life you are unable to celebrate your birthday on the exact day/weekend. My last birthday party was two weeks late to coordinate with a friend that was coming in from out of town. It was no big deal. Also, if this is a family party you are worried about, why is the fact that your friend’s 21st birthday the next weekend even a factor? You can’t have a family birthday party because it’s your friend’s birthday? That’s crazy.

Post # 21
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Welcome to adult birthdays.  Mine is close to Christmas so everyone always has plans for office parties or family dinners.  Go to your cousin’s wedding on Friday and delay your birthday.  If your BFF doesn’t like the idea of a huge double birthday bash, save your birthday for a few weeks later and have an un-birthday party or wait 6 months and have a half birthday party.  As you get older parties and celebrations get smaller and smaller.  21 is more about being able to drink so go out another night (you could even go out the night before your birthday with friends and have your first legal drink at midnight that way you have a day or two to recover before the wedding.)

Post # 24
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

Personally I’d do it the weekend before.  Then its your weekend, so what youve not officially hit 21 your celebrating a milestone and I dont think actual age matters.

I’ve booked the weekend of my man of honours 30th and he’s totally cool with it. I’m going to do a surprise for him.

Post # 25
Member
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

View original reply
DanniD94:  In regards to the rehearsal dinner, it really depends on your cousins. At mine I had family (immediate, aunts and uncles, cousins), some family friends, and a few close friends. So, if your cousin does the same, I would think your parents and grandparents (and maybe you too) would be invited. Your cousin may do it differently and only invite certain people. It’s something you’ll have to wait and see about. 

Post # 27
Member
3679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Are you from the United States? I don’t see the word “mum” used a lot here, and my understanding was that the 21st birthday was really only a big deal in the US. 

Post # 28
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
DanniD94:  Meh a 21st isn’t a huge deal here, since you can drink at 19.  Even 19 wasn’t a huge deal.  But I’d just make it a bender weekend.  Go out for drinks and dinner with your closest friends on the Thursday.  Celebrate it up at the wedding on the Friday.  Then on the Saturday have a big bash with friends out at the bar (and any family who are up for attending.)  Make it a 3 day celebration.  

There was one year in university we went out for 5 days straight with my birthday on one end and St Paddy’s on the other end (there were other things to celebrate each night).  It is still one of the best weeks of my life.  And I never want to do it again!  Every single night we went out I saw someone I hadn’t seen at the other nights and I ended up with birthday drinks from all angles. 

Post # 29
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
DanniD94:  Rehearsal dinners are usually bride/groom, immediate family (parents, siblings, grandparents) and bridal party and spouses.  I doubt you or your family would be going to the rehearsal dinner.

Post # 30
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

Lol I don’t understand how you’re being accused of being ridiculous. You’re not throwing a tantrum or demanding they change their wedding date, you even acknowledge it’s maybe a little selfish to be upset. You’re bummed but very rationally just trying to work out the logistics of your birthday and working around your cousin’s wedding. contrary to popular belief, you’re allowed to have feelings. It’s how you react to those feelings that shows your level of maturity.

anyhoo, I think the idea of celebrating the Saturday following your birthday with friends since they have no involvement with the wedding would be great (and typically I think most people celebrate their 21st with friends anyway) and then celebrate at a later date with family. That way, you can extend the fun, celebrate with both groups of people AND don’t feel cheated out of celebrating your 21st properly. 

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