(Closed) Being cut out of the will because I'm responsibe

posted 3 years ago in Finances
Post # 2
Member
7900 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Navygirl14 :  you’re right she can do what she wants, but I’d be pissed too. I’d feel like they were getting rewarded for being screw-ups. I personal wouldn’t split up my estate based on who needs it more, it will be equal. And actually if my kids were like your sisters I would probably set up some sort of trust so that they couldn’t blow my money! 

Post # 3
Member
3379 posts
Sugar bee

I can understand your frustration. I guess I’d force myself to take the high road and see it as a huge compliment. However, perhaps you could convince your mother to set aside funeral costs (since you know your sisters will blow through the money) and give that money to you for safekeeping, since you are so responsible.

 

Post # 4
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well there’s nothing you can really do. And it’s not like your mom is on her death bed right? So things still might change. It’s best to just rely on yourself and any inheritances are just bonuses, not part of the plan. 

Post # 5
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Ahh the squeaky wheel always get the oil doesn’t it? I am really sorry bee, I can understand how you would be hurt by this. I can’t stand watching parents “favor” their problem children, it just makes the problem child worse. Unfortunately, what can you do? You and your husband sound like you all have things figured out, good for you. Keep doing what you are doing. Your mother is just trying to protect her children. I know it seems unfair, but try to see how hard it is for her as a mother to watch her children struggle. In her eyes this is the logical thing to do. Is it right? No. Is it fair? No. This is life though.

If I were you I would encourage your mother not to enable your problem sibilings. IDK the ends and outs of the situation, but make sure she isn’t being taken advantage of while she is alive.

This has been going on in my dad’s family for a while now, so I know how hard it is to watch. I’m sorry. 

Post # 6
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

In most places, I’m pretty sure that you could easily fight that in court. Cutting out children usually gets thrown out right away. Now, whether or not you’d actually want to do that is another story.

Post # 7
Member
3673 posts
Sugar bee

I have nothing helpful to say. Just want to agree that that is shitty, and aiding the hot mess siblings and not the one child who is a responsible adult is ass backwards. I guess all you can do is be happy that you actually have your shit together, and be glad you won’t be in a situation where you need your mom’s help. 

Post # 8
Member
205 posts
Helper bee

Unfortunately, your mom is under the wrong impression. The people that need it the most because of their own life mistakes are the ones that will blow through the inheritance with nothing to show for it. They will still be where they are today when all of their inheritance is spent. I’m sorry this has put a strain on your relationship with your mom, but try not to make it a focus of your relationship. Maybe she is under the impression it will fix all of their problems. Tell her it won’t fix their problems, but then leave it at that. I’m not even sure if it’s worth an argument to try to make her understand. Just voice your opinion and leave it.

My mom never discussed her life insurance with my two sisters and me. There was an issue. I’m not sure how it happened. Two of us inherited her 401K and two of us inherited her life insurance (I was left off of one I don’t remember which and my older sister was left off of the other) It made for extreme imbalance of inheritance between the three of us. We just sorted it out and wrote checks to eachother. Something tells me your sisters may not be up for that.

Post # 9
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Navygirl14 :  What would I do?  I would forget about it and above all I’d keep my mouth shut.  And I would count my belssings that I somehow didn’t turn out like my useless sisters and that I will not be fighting with them over the will once mom passes.

You are talking about that money as if it’s yours.  No one in the world is entitled to an inheritence – not you, not your sisters, not me, not anyone.  Your mom should feel free to spend every last penny.

It hurts when a parent doesn’t treat all children equally, but your grown now and you don’t need your mother’s validation and you certainly don’t need to squable for her money.

Post # 10
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My Dad is like this too. I’ve been written out of and then put back into his will numerous times. Oh, and I’m an only child. 

He says stuff like, “You’ve got to understand that [Gold-Digger Girlfriend] needs the money more than you do.” 

I just say, “Well, it’s your money, you worked hard to earn it and you can do whatever you want with it.” and leave it at that. Usually my uncle slaps some sense into him, and then I’m back in.

It stings, but I’ve learned to emotionally detach myself from the situation. If I do get an inheritance, well, great! If not, oh well, I wasn’t expecting it anyways. 

Post # 11
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

Ooph. That really hurts. I wouldn’t try to argue with her, but I would ask your mom to make sure she’s not cutting you out entirely – meaning, that she does, at the very least, keep you in regarding sentimental items, family heirlooms, etc. I wasn’t in my grandmother’s will, but I was able to choose some family photos and senitmental pieces from the family home, and it meant a lot to me. 

Post # 12
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Navygirl14 :  coming from someone who inherited many things when my mother passed, the last thing you are going to be thinking about when she passes is what money you are going to get. Money is not your mom, and personally I think its a bit ridiculous to be worrying about what money you are going to get when she dies. I understand you thinking that all of your sister should get equal shares, but guess what, none of that matters. When my mom died, all I could think of was how much I missed her. My mom died when I was 19, and I would give all that money back to have her back. I may have a different opinion than most here, but I think you are being selfish.

Post # 14
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

oh… my life. let me start with this. My grandparents are VERY VERY well off.

My brother and i are the only responsible adults out of our 9 other cousins. We both went to college, got jobs, done things “by the books” (not lived with a partner before marriage, not had kids out of wedlock, stopped living with our parents at an appropriate age etc…) our other cousins have been arrested multiple times ranging from theft to child abuse and everything in between they are all between the ages of 17 and 30. Every single time they do something “Right” (recently it was getting out of juvinile hall…) my grandparents send then a card with money in it and congratulate them and praise them over the top. I got married and my grandparents gave us $100 check. This is the same amount they gave my cousin for getting out of juvi after pepper spraying a 70 year old woman leaving the bank and stealing her money. But it was more than they gave my other cousin who comes over every week to visit (aka get gas money) I was surprised to say the least. Especially since they gave my other cousin $2000 for her wedding. This cousin failed out of college twice for partying, lived with her boyfriend at his parents house and plans to be a housewife because she doesn’t like work… My grandmother mentioned to the family she gave that much so that “Jane” can live comfortably as a housewife. My dad called my grandparents (his mom and dad) after seeing that they gave my husband and i $100 as a gift. A mere $1900 difference than they gave my cousin less than a year after our wedding. Their response was that my husband and i are doing fine on our own and dont need the help. Well…. ok then. We too got punished for being responsible. There is nothing you can do about it. It sucks but i guess just take pride in the fact that you’re not a screw up. 

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