(Closed) Being dumped by a good man

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

What you have to keep in mind is that there are many men out there that are good.  We love to say all the good men are taken but that’s not really true.  If you dated a good man that means that at least your “radar” is working okay and you aren’t choosing a$$holes.  This is good.  Give yourself a pat on the back!

 

Just because a man is good doesn’t mean he is the right man for you though.  When you meet the next guy don’t necessarily measure him against the ex but make sure he has those qualities you loved about the ex because those are the ones you are mourning now. 

 

It will get better over time.  Get out there and flirt a little and see if you catch another good fish on your hook sometime soon 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Looking back years later I think my first Boyfriend or Best Friend was sort of a dummy, but he was by no means a bad guy and he did break up with me. He was telling me what a great person I was and how I was going to find somebody fantastic and perfect for me and that it just wasn’t him.

It hurts for a while, maybe a long while. Just keep living your life and get out there. Don’t be afraid to be hurt again. You will meet someone else. Everything will be better.

Post # 5
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You may never forget him, but over time he will take up less space in your heart and you’ll make room for someone else who loves you too.  At that point, you’ll know that other guy was not right for you even if he was a good man. 

I’ve been broken up with by someone who was good, and I realised over time that it just was not meant to be, and for good reason. I love my SO and we’re an even better match than me and old what’s-his-face 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was “dumped” by more than one good man. For the most part, they would just fall off the radar, stop contacting me, and I never got an explanation as to why. It made me want to say horrible things about them, but really, they were good men, just not right for me.

Looking back, I realised that I learned a little something about myself, and a little something about love with each man who led me ultimately to the man I will marry.

I needed that experience, both the good and the bad to truly appreciate and understand my future husband.

Please take this as a learning experience, and think of how this has helped you grow, and what you can apply to your next relationship.

Good luck!

 

Post # 7
Member
2602 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I never got over him, to be honest (this is oh..12 years ago?). That doesn’t mean that I don’t love my Darling Husband or that if he appeared in my life again that I would go back to him or anything. I think it’s just that he’s part of who I am. 

My ex was a good person and the break-up was painful for a loooong time. There are times that I still wonder how he’s doing, what he’s doing, who he’s doing (lol), but ultimately, the thought of him after all this time makes me sort of happy. I know this is going to be the sort of thing that people will criticize, but a part of me–a small, platonic part–still loves him. Now that love isn’t a romantic kind; it’s sort of a appreciative, generous kind of love, the kind that is glad I got to have someone in my life like that and the kind that hopes good things for him now. 

I am profoundly grateful for it, and for him. 

Post # 8
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

One of the reasons I’m confident you can overcome it is that it demonstrates emotional maturity to be able to recognize that just because someone breaks up with you, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with EITHER of you.

It absolutely gets better – not as fast as you want it to, but it does get better. And you grow, and learn, and are eventually able to let go. And odds are you will find someone who is completely right for you, and you’ll realize, in retrospect, that Good Guy #1 wasn’t as perfect for you as he seemed at the time.

Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with mighty wombat. I think sometimes in relationships where no one does anything wrong and it just wasn’t right, it makes it hard. It’s easier when someone treats you badly and you have rage and anger to get you through the next few months. I find after breakups people encourage others to move too quickly, well we are human sometimes you need to mope you need to feel bad, you need to analyze. I think as long as you don’t let it ocmsume you it’s a good first step in starting to pick up the peices and move on.

I think you have to remind yourself that while he was a good man and person, he wasn’t the right man or person for you.

Post # 10
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee

I think the key thing here is to remind yourself there is a reason it didn’t work out, how you both  weren’t on the same page, didn’t click fully and werent for eachother. There are a ton of great men out there and the one that is meant for you will just happen. Let be and let happen 🙂 xoxo

Post # 11
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@BothCoasts:  I agree with this, even though my ex and I had a bad break up. I actually don’t have ill feelings towards him anymore, and he was my first real love, so I guess in a way I will always have some love for him in that regard. We just were 2 very different people, and young

Post # 12
Member
4325 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@thegrowingtree:  Do I have such a story. This guy had so much going for him. He was the head of his department at 24, getting his master’s in electical engineering, and was an amazing human being. He cycled as a hobby, volunteered his time, was environmentally conscious, and so loving and giving. I loved being with him; he made me want to be a better person.

And then we broke up.

He moved to a state in the midwest, and we kept up with eachother. We became best friends after I had “gotten over” him, but the truth is, I never got over him. Never ever. But he had broken up with me, and I had to accept it.

Our conversations went over into sub-romantic again, and we started reviewing “what went wrong” in the relationship. It was that I was undecided in what direction I wanted to take my life in, and I had hit that rut right before I met him, so it was going in full throttle when we dated. He did not see a resolution to that problem in sight, and went about his business. The break up got me on track, and he wound up kicking himself for that. But, we were long distance, so each of us were dating other people.

Even still, our conversations were always personal, and we were always interested in what the other was doing. When I met my now husband, the ex and I were in the midst of an awkward “where do we stand” sort of period. As I continued dating my now Darling Husband, my mind went into a frenzy. What do I do? It’s not fair to this new guy I’m dating for me to have feelings for this ex. It’s also not fair to me to have regrets about anything I’ve done. I sensed that now Darling Husband wanted to make the relationship exclusive soon, so I had to decide.

I told the ex how I felt. I told him I loved him still, and had no expectations, other than wanting to get it off my chest. He thought about it, decided the distance was still a problem, and I said to myself, “ok. good. I know where I stand. I can fully let you go now, but be happy with myself that I sought out the answer. I can move past you, and really focus on this new guy, because he has amazing potential.”

And I am glad it turned out the way it did. The weeks turned in to months, months turned into years. And the years were AMAZING! My Darling Husband treats me so amazingly, and with no reservations. He loves me fully, and openly, in a way the ex never did, nor ever could. He is so giving, and supportive, and adorably funny. And he’s more my speed. The longer I was with him, the more I saw how WRONG the other guy was for me, and how RIGHT this guy was.

My husband gets me. We have the same hobbies, same interests, same hang ups, everything. THe other guy was a little too high strung, a little too logical (little patience for emotional reactions, and often stifled them), and terribly insecure, even though I did not see any of this in the heat of the moment. Being with someone who was RIGHT for me completely took the wool from over my eyes about my actual incompatibility with the ex. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a great guy, but he’s great for someone else, and not me. Maybe you will have a similar experience when you find THE guy for you.

I hope my story helps.

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