- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2050
I’ve done a fair amount of reading about this problem, and have found almost all of the concern revolved around the female perspective and that the suggestions don’t really pertain to my exact situation.
So basically, I want to get married and have someone that wants to get married, and I’d like to be able to do that for her (us?), however… I have no family or friends really to speak of.
This issue is further complicated in that I have a phobia of “families”, the word “family” to me has no meaning aside from association with very, very bad experiences so the idea of embracing her family as my own is not something I like. I don’t want or need a family and have never had one in the same terms described by many other people. “Friends and family” to me is analogous to “people who abuse you and screw you over”. I’m extremely ackward to talk to or to try to get to know as a result and do not do well in social circumstances with people I do not know. This all leads to a large fear that my own wedding – if it occurred – could quite possibly be one of the most uncomfortable stressful social experiences I could possibly go through in my life. I dread it and therefore I avoid it.
I also fear my aversion to getting married for the above reasons will result in me possibly losing my partner as for her marriage is a big thing. Even if it were a small gathering, it would just be a gathering of people she knows and me as the outsider.
I feel stuck, how could I even contemplate the idea of getting married when the likely result definitely won’t be special for me, and that because of how poorly i deal with social situations where Im the outcast (which is every social situation as im always the outcast) its not even really possible to “fake it”. After hours on end of feeling like an outsider I won’t be in the mood for our “special night” but then on the flip side not getting married means she may very well decide it is that important to her and find someone she could be with who can.