(Closed) Being fair to bridesmaids

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s all great!  only you know if your friends are into cake testing/bridal stuff. I’d probably only go to my friends cake tasting if their was free booze. But that’s me. As long as you ask to hang out with your friends for non bridal things too I do t see why they’d be anything but thrilled 🙂

Post # 3
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think that all sounds pretty good myself.  I personally like a more uniform look so even though my bridesmaids have different styles of dresses in the exact same color they have the same shoes and will have the same jewelry.  They paid for shoes, the jewelry (and professional hair) is my gift to them.

I don’t think it’s necessary to keep inviting them to events personally.  It’s one thing to invite them when you’re looking for your dress, but they probably don’t want to go to a cake tasting or florist appointment.

Post # 4
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This sounds very fair. but don’t forget the shower and bachelorette. Those can get expensive, so don’t be too demanding – unless you want to throw in your own money.

Post # 7
Member
8977 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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dup24m:  Those seem fine. I’d probably stop inviting them to stuff that they don’t need to attend. I haven’t heard of BMs going to tastings or anything really other than getting their own dresses and maybe one shopping trip for the bride’s dress if you value their opinion and they’re available. Also, I wouldn’t be excited about the robe or flipflops — I’d prefer you put that money towards the dress instead but of course would not ask or suggest it. I’d just think it quietly to myself. But it’s not that big a deal. Everything you listed seems reasonable.

Post # 9
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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dup24m:  I would keep inviting them to things you think they would like to go to. Both my Maid/Matron of Honor (sister) and our Best Man’s wife (also a dear friend) went to our Cake Tasting with Fiance and I and we had a great time. They probably wouldn’t have cared much for visiting the florist or photographer though. Menu Tasting at the Caterer? They might go for that too. If someone invited me to a wedding cake tasting appointment, I’d be there in a heartbeat (because I love cake!)

Post # 10
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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EDubbs:  I think I’d go to anything if there were free booze!

Post # 11
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee

I think everything seems really fair so far. I don’t think you need to stop inviting them, but I don’t think you need to invite them to everything. For example with the cake testing – if one of your girls is on a diet then she probably wouldn’t be interested. Just make sure that when you do invite them you let them know that it’s optional if they have time and are interested, and also make sure that you put in the effort to see them and NOT do wedding related things. I know you are on a tight deadline, but your wedding isn’t the only thing in their lives and I’m sure that they would just like to see their friend for a catch up every now and then without worrying about wedding stuff.

With the gift, I love the idea of robes and flip flops but I would also try to get each of them something a little more personal. If it means cutting the robes or flip flops out I would do that. 

Post # 12
Member
4500 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

1-4: sounds totally fair

5: I probably wouldn’t invite them to stuff like cake tasting, etc. I’ve been a bridesmaid, I don’t know, 7 times now and I’ve never participated in anything except dress-related shopping. Tastings seem like they are just for the couple.

6: I’d maybe skip the flip-flops, or add the kate spade card as you’re suggesting. 

 

Post # 13
Member
31 posts
Newbee

As far as gifts, I personally hate aquiring “stuff”, and don’t use bathrobes so it would probably sit until it went to donations during my next move. Also anything monogrammed with wedding/bridal initials would just sit in a box for me, I don’t know if you’re planning to have that on robes or flip flops. But it depends on your girls! 

I think you’re being totally fair and reasonable by not making them buy specific jewerly and shoes.

Post # 14
Member
25 posts
Newbee

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dup24m:  I’m a bridesmaid at the moment and I think everything you stated sounds totally reasonable. It sounds like you have thought long and hard about what your bridesmaids are having to do for your big day, and that you are being very considerate. That shows and they will appreciate it! One thing though, I think you probably don’t need to invite them to all appointments. They will have a lot to do with planning the shower and bachelorette and also with their own lives. I’d stick to just having them come to stuff that has to do with their bridesmaids dresses and maybe with your wedding dress. And that would be it. The robe and flipflops sound great but I think you really don’t have to get them both of those things. Just something small unless you can afford it. You are paying for a lot and chipping in for them also. They will appreciate that.

Really, props to you – you sound like a bride I would be happy to be a bridesmaid for.

Post # 15
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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dup24m:  I think it all looks pretty reasonable and very much like what I did for my wedding (I gave them a color and they got a picked and paid for their dresses and shoes, I paid for their hair and they did their own makeup). Personally, I wouldn’t have much use for a robe and flip-flops as I already own those items. For my bridal party, I just bought them different presents in the same general price range based on their likes. One got a wall hanging, two got books, one got a shirt and one got a bottle of bourbon. 

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