- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
Luckily FI’s ex-wife and he were never FB friends (she is with some of his family, which annoys me but whatever) and his last ex before me, he unfriended her when he realized she was going to keep “pushing” their new “friendship” and he was ready to move on and be happy.
I have a couple people who I dated very briefly on mine – I don’t think it bothers Fiance that much (a little but not a lot) but if it got to the point where he asked me to unfriend, I would.
Being friends with an ex on FB is one thing – but constantly liking eachothers posts and writing on eachothers walls is another. I am friends with two of my “exs” on facebook – but never like or comment on anything. Same with my DH – even though hes never on FB anyway.
I have exes on Facebook as does my husband however if either of us took issue with it, the respectful thing for us to do would be to delete them. You are not the most important person in his life anymore and it is admirable that he is taking her feelings into consideration regardless of whether she asked him to our not.
I’m still FB friends with one of my exes… my high school sweetheart that I dated for 2 1/2 years. We ended on good terms, we just grew apart in college. I’m still friends with his family as well.
But my fiance has met him and his family, and we broke up so long ago it doesn’t even phase him. He knows there’s no feelings there on either side.
My fiance is friends with 2 of his exes on facebook. Both were same situations- broke up on good terms and are still friendly. I have no reason to be upset about it, they are nice girls and I trust both his and their intentions.
There are some people that I dated, and he dated, that I would be pissed about. People who either broke our hearts, possibly still had feelings for us, etc.
So yes… depends on the intentions. But if I was his girlfriend and had never met you and you two are that close I’d feel uncomfortable too. Maybe you can meet her, she can see that your intentions are pure and then she will feel more comfortable?
Unfortunately, whether you agree with his/her stance or not, you just need to accept it gracefully. I was very close friends with my ex-boyfriend for years. Our breakup was not messy ~ we split because he admitted that he never wanted kids. We stayed friends, but when he got married, his new wife demanded he unfriend me on FB and stop all communications with me. When he did so, I was very hurt, but really? I get it. Many women are just not comfortable with their partners having female friends. Better to lick your wounds and let it go, then be labeled “that annoying woman who won’t leave my boyfriend/fiance/husband alone.”
Hugs to you. I know it sucks to lose a friend when you did nothing wrong to cause the split.
We’re both FB friends with exs. Obviously we married each other and are happy, so I don’t see the issue. We trust each other.
I was kinda in the same situation. I had an ex and thought we were friends and you know kept in contact like you did and then he told me one day it was just too painful to communicate, and that’s that. He then said if he wants to be friends he’ll contact me, that was prob 5 years ago now, lol. I wouldn’t reply even if he did try to engage me at this point. So maybe it is the same for you guy but he just dosn’t say it. I donno.
Guys are wierd.
I think it really depends on how serious the relationship is, & how often you talk to the person.
I have a few ex’s on facebook, but only the ones I dated very briefly & talk to almost never.
He has a few ex’s on his facebook that were relatively not serious as well.
If I found out he was talking to an ex semi-regularly or one that he was somewhat serious with, I would be very unhappy with that, and vice versa.
It probably depends on the person specifically. Personally, I would not be comfortable if my Fiance kept in touch with his ex by phone calls once in a while to catch up, sending each other silly pics on WhatsApp once in a while and mails here and there
I think FB is more acceptable than the texting & phone calls. I would be a little hurt if Fiance was calling his ex and sending her silly pics, esp if they were of himself. I think that maybe your level of communication is a little much for an ex.
I would feel differently if you guys actually hung out and your Fiance and Ex were friends and could all be open about a friendship. But having a “special” friendship that excludes your current partners, especially onethat you are so upset about losing, and one with whom you were so serious is a little strange IMO. OF course each person and sisutation is different.
Fiance and I are actually inviting some of our exes and their spouses to our wedding! A girl he hooked up with (in college, aka 10+ years ago) who is married to one of his best friends is coming along with her bff who he also made out with (10 yrs ago). One of my exes (from 5 yrs ago) is coming with his wife. The difference is, we all hang out. We’re all friends. We know that there is a history and we have moved on and while we don’t talk about it when we are together we are open with our partners that it happened (w/o getting into the nitty gritty obviously). In fact, it was FI’s idea that I invite my ex, he sat with him and his wife at a wedding we attended recently (I was a bridesmaid so could not sit with them). Fiance likes the ex and his wife a lot and told me we should try and hang out more often bc the’re cool and we have a lot in common (Ex and I are both psychologists, Fiance and Ex’s wife are both teachers). See, here Fiance is INITIATING the connection which makes me comfortable MANTAINING it.
I can understand being hurt. But I really wonder if there are still any feelings? (as a therapist, nothing wrong with feelings, they have a reason for being there). You’ve given no indication otherwise, but I hope you’ll respect your ex’s wishes. Over time, I think it might be wise to cut down on the other communication too. I think he is sending a message that either he or his new gf are not comfortable with it
@alaha: I’m FB friends with only *some* ex’s, and the same is true for DH. Generally only the ex’s that keep their distance and are respectful. However, neither of us would consider these people friends in real life, we just like being able to stalk and see where their lives are now. I did have a few ex’s I had to delete after they started making comments on my pics or private messaging me asking me when I’d be in town next…
I would not be ok with DH calling, writing, sending pics etc to an ex just because. The only time he has done that was with an ex that is a vet tech now and he wanted to get some advice when our dog was having issues. However we talked about it first and agreed she would be the best place to start for advice. I’m of the opinion that if you break up there is no need to maintain a friendship unless you are hoping to eventually get back together- not saying that’s everyones intentions, but that’s how I view it for myself….
everyone is different.
i would just accept it.
i actually admire your ex-bf’s respect for his new gf feelings. she may not have even said anything to him about it. he may have done this on his own b/c that is how he feels if she had an ex on her fb.
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