(Closed) Being introverted + Xmas time = :(

posted 4 years ago in Wellness
Post # 2
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Ugh that sounds awful. I usually just disappear after a while if I’m at home or at my future parents-in-law’s house. They all know about my anixety and being an introvert so they understand and respect me when I disappear for an hour or two. I cannot deal with being around people all the time because it mentally and physically exhausts me. If I have parties to go to, I just talk myself up, tell myself I don’t have to stay longer than an hour if I don’t want to, it’s just an hour of my day and I can go back home into my PJs. 

Post # 3
Member
3329 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

awww hugs. Sounds like a stressful job. I don’t like to go to parties, family get together ECT…

I mostly pretend am ill. Nobody wants a vomiting guest lol

other than that if you must. Carry your phone and headphones. Make sure to put your happy songs on your phone. Keep sneaking to the bathroom and listen to a happy track and do some shallow breathing exercises

Post # 6
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

faith9: DH and I are both introverted (him even moreseo than me), and I know the feeling of dread you’re talking about. For one thing I’d limit the events as much as possible. When I was younger I felt like I was obligated to go to everything but now I realize that most stuff is actually optional. We attend only the main events and the work events that if we skipped would reflect really negatively on us.

When it comes to friends and family I’ve found that it’s ok to be honest. Extraverts love having a loaded schedule of events and it’s hard for them to imagine that anyone wouldn’t enjoy a million parties. Tell your family and friends that you’re kind of an introvert and that large group events are kind of stressful for you. Emphasize that you worry about offending people by not attending things and explain that it has nothing to do with not liking people. Put the focus on your struggle between wanting to please people and needing lots of alone time. 

I also schedule alone time during the holidays. I used to say yes to everything but now I plan weekends or even just single days that are socializing free. If I get asked to attend something on one of those days I just say I already have plans, which is true. 

Best of luck fellow introvert! Oh, and if you can think about picking up Quiet- it’s a great book for introverts and it helped me a lot. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  swonderful.
Post # 7
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

First of all, you don’t have to attend anything? True introvers with anxiety bail on a lot of them. Maybe you can cut a few out?

I can relate somewhat in that I’m a PERFECTIONIST so my house, body, overall appearance and priorities must be in PERFECT condition or I bail on an event. I feel like I’m not worthy to do this or that if there’s laundry to fold… A run I skipped… A meal I didn’t make… Etc. 

What works for me making sure everything is done come Thursday evening so all I have to do on Friday is work, prep something (nails, hair, dinner, go for a run, whatever) and RELAX. If I don’t get all of these done so all I have to do is roll out of bed on event day and enjoy the process I get overwhelemd and bail.

THis mean I have to have a very productive weekand often spend one day (Thursdays) cleaning until 10 PM.

As for the introverted part, I strongly believe every personality type has a place, a use and are welcome, :). Not everyone needs to be the life of the party. Imagine how loud the world would be? Parties need introverts. I say don’t even worry about being introverted! IF all you do is show up, say a few pleasantries and sip some wine so what? That’s it’s own kind of fun, :).

Post # 8
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

faith9:  Well I had a mini breakdown when I was at their house for the first time. So, they talked to my Fiance to let him know that being around so many people was stressful on me and he was too blind to tell. I think it’s funny my future in laws noticed before my Fiance.

I hope your Father-In-Law understands it’s not person or a fake thing, you really have anixety!

Post # 9
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I completely understand how you feel. I’m an introvert involved with FI’s family who are all extroverts. Family events are always stressful and exhausting for me especially now that we are engaged and we are always getting questions about the wedding. I try to have Fiance answer all the questions but then I can comments on why I’m not acting excited about it. They just don’t get it!! I don’t really have any advice, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I try and remind myself that being an introvert isn’t a bad thing, it just hard with main events to remember that. Hang in there and I hope the holidays won’t be too stressful for you!!

Post # 12
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I am doing one concert and two parties. With plenty of work and my wedding coming up, I feel fine telling everyone I am booked!!

Post # 13
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I lean on SO for support a lot with these things. I have a few sympathic friends I can text and I’ll step outside sometimes to get some fresh air & reset and I take my phone with me and SO makes my excuses for me “she works so hard! she just has to check in…” etc. Also when you Father-In-Law directly asks why you’re being so quite maybe you can say something like “I’m just enjoying being here with you” with a smile. It’s hard to fault and probably true, despite the anxiety and it lets you off the hook. It’d be nice if everyone understood anxiety but sometimes it’s easier to just smooth it over, esp for older people who are unlikely to change their ways. For breathing exercises I like breathing in and counting to 3, then holding for 3 and breathing out counting to 3, gradually slowing down how fast I count in my head as I calm down. Any number works. Around the holidays I also like to schedule in “calm times” for myself on my calandar so I know I have a break coming between events or a lowkey night with SO or something similar that soothes. I color code everything so seeing the little blue oasis of calm time coming makes me feel better. Hope some of this helps. You are not alone!

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