- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Okay, so a couple of my posts have sounded judgmental about my sister…I will lay this on the line as to WHY they sound that way…
I try not to judge, but when she is on disability , living with her fiance (read: ripping off the government), using her disability as an excuse as to not get a job (she can go for retraining but has yet to) I rather get tired of hearing it…..I work with people with disabilities to help them get job experience so they can get jobs….A lot of these people have a lot more debilitating disabilities than my sister….She also forgets that I’ve been in 2 car accidents and live in pain every day…
Then, she makes fun of EVERYTHING i do/have….it’s never ending when I’m around her….she picks at me about the fact that I’m a “yuppy”….she picks at me that i run, scrapbook, watch hockey, take a lot of pride in training my dog, drink beer, don’t wear makeup, wear jeans and jerseys regularly…you name it: she makes fun of it….
When I got engaged I figured I would hear stuff from her about it…yes, I set my date 3 months before hers…but last i had heard they were pushing it back another year…but now they’re not….then I got the screaming, yelling, crying phone call about 1) the bridesmaids dresses (which each Bridesmaid or Best Man gets to choose their own style but they will be blue), and 2) that I didn’t have to get married then, that I could’ve gotten married this year (no, we don’t have money saved up) or the year after….(the reason we picked july was because of my work schedule…I only get certain times of the year off since i work in the school board)….
Then there’s the money issue……the fact that I finally clued in that her and her friends were using me for rides/going out money and I put a stop to it (nicely, we didn’t have a huge confrontation, I just don’t offer rides—and I don’t make a big deal out of going to certain things they would wnat to go to….they’re welcome to come but will have to drive themselves and pay for themselves…–i was always a sucker for the “I would LOVE to go but just don’t have the money now play.)….what brought me to do this was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor had promised my sister that she was going to pay for a concert then messaged me asking to borrow the money….I said no….she still already owed me money from a previous concert….
Since this has happened, I have not had ANY type of invitation to anything….I used to get invites frequently to things , but nothing at all….if I ask my sister to do something, she is usually ‘sick’ and can’t come….which is fine, i can’t say if she is or isn’t actully sick but she has told me before that she does use that to get out of stuff with other people/family members.
There was also an issue that I had our birthday party at my house one year (i believe 2 years ago)….I invited my friends, my sisters friends, and figured it would be fun to have a nice big relaxed birthday/holiday get together…..she “took over” the party (this was other’s thoughts on this who were at the party)….she hooked up her Wii and her and her friends played rockband all night, even though I made sure everyone was introduced, nicely beveraged and fed, my friends were very uncomfortable with how much to the back I was pushed….it’s like it wasn’t even my house, or that I was hosting, or that it was my birthday too…my friends ended up leaving…I wanted to go to bed..but my sister and her friends stayed until almost 4am even when I did say i wanted to go to bed….I even had my basement set up for her friends’ children to watch DVD’s / play (it’s finished) so I tried to be a thoughtful host….
Then there’s her crazy stories taht aren’t true….one that really comes to mind is when we were having dinner with her FI’s parents something was brought up about math…neither of us have ever been good with math….I discussed that I didn’t get fractions until i was working in a classroom and the students were learning fractions and it was described as looking at measuring cups, THEN i got it! My sister then said that she was diagnosed with a math disability in high school…which is 100% not true….since we graduated before we were 18 my parents would have been contacted regarding the fact that she needed testing, needed to talk to a consultant etc…..(I work in the school board so I have SOME understanding of the process)….since my sister never had an individualized education plan (again, something my parents would have to sign) there was no way she ever diagnosed with a math disability…just a crazy story to get attention….she does this frequently….
She is very much ME ME ME….I have always done everything for her….I worried about her welbeing in school often since she was known as the “bitchy” one in school….she went through friends like crazy, and constantly had falling outs with people….in high school I ended up with a great group of friends we included my sister since she had so many problems keeping friends, and she quickly became a part of the group….My sister continued with university required credits in high school and I stopped going….I was workign full time….i got a call at work that my sister was missing so I had to go to the school….It turned out that she had a fight with one of our friends and it was so bad no one would even talk to me…I lost these people who were my friends for 5 years….because i had to stick up for my sister…
but then, watching her in adulthood…constantly having issues with some “crazy” friend and having a major falling out I started to wonder WHO was the issue…there was several roommates, her FI’s cousin, friends at work so she had to quit, and just a rolling number of people in and out of her life…..her with many excuses as to why…..and granted, I’m sure some are true…but are all of them? I can’t say that I’ve gone through that many friends…when I become friends with someone it’s usually a lifetime friendship….
So, I just think I’ve hit the breaking point….I can’t handle much more…..it also didn’t help that work was hell this week before the tasting she was having….and then all the messages I received from her….I have thought about stepping down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I’m sure that will be worse….I want to support my sister, but it’s hard when all I get is put down all the time…I say nothing, but my resent grows and so yeah, I have a bad attitude…..because I never know what put down will be thrown in my direction next….