(Closed) being last sux

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Keep in mind that sometimes it also sucks being first. No one really “gets” the wedding thing and people are sooo not in a marriage place themselves its hard for them to celebrate their friends. 

 

And then sometimes it sucks being in the middle when you have friends’ weddings sandwiched all around you. 

 

I think that no matter when it happens, it might not be exactly what you had hoped 🙂 

Post # 4
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have to agree with Corgi. 

I was the first, and none of my bridesmaids had a clue what to do or how to be helpful. I’m sure those in the middle feel like they’re weddings are just one among many because there’s nothing particuarly special.

The reality is, your wedding won’t be as exciting to anyone else but you (and your fiance).  But I’m sure your friends are supportive!

I’m sorry you’re not feeling like you’re getting the same amount of attention though.

Post # 5
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I too have to agree with Corgi. I’m the first of my friends to get married and have the longest running relationship. My best friend actually told me once that she can’t remember a time before we were Jellybean and JB, weird to think because I knew her years before I started dating my fiance. I think we watch all these movies (damn the media) and we expect so much support and help from our friends and our moms. We want to giggle over wine while stuffing invites and watching the wedding singer, truth is that most mom’s don’t want to watch their little girl get married and most friends don’t “get” the wedding thing, because even if they’re married, it might have been important at one time but they no longer see it that way. I have 3 Bm’s that are married and 3 that aren’t. the 3 that are married are family of course. I just post on a website and it’s interesting the ones who do stop by and say “I’m so excited”, “Congratulations” etc. NONE of my bridesmaids have posted on my website and a lot of other people have. Makes ya rethink the whole wedding party business… Doesn’t it?

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

yep, i’m with the others, nobody will every be as excited as you for your wedding! i’m first and most of my friends aren’t at the same stage as me yet, they’re not excited, they don’t say nice, exciting things to me like, “yay, you’re shower is soon!” or ask about the wedding. in fact, i had to complain about this to one of my friends who recently got married and she got everyone together to throw me a local bachelorette party. (i had a surprise bachelorette party trip with just my small bridal party, who are awesome, but it was just family no friends. i wanted my friends to WANT to celebrate with me. they never mentioned it!) so yes, it sucks.

Post # 7
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@littlebride … I had been feeling the same way, actually.  During the last few years I started to realize that I’d be “last” and kinda figured it would feel like that.  I was right. 

 BUT …. I never thought of it like the others are saying!  I guess it doesn’t really matter where in “line” you’ll end up.  Like artbee said,  no one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you!  Great point!  🙂

Post # 8
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

echoing corgi and others…i’m semi-first and even people who have had weddings through family or other friends and should “get” the wedding thing or at least not be wedding’d out yet, nobody cares. 

i’ve had friends hysterically cry that they’re going to die alone (when i called to announce my engagement…spent the next 15 minutes comforting HER instead of getting congratulated) and say things like “oh, so what? we knew that was happening”…and i actually have nice friends! 

your big day just brings out everyone’s jealousies and everyone is pretty self-involved anyway.  so while YOU were being a good friend in the past, you might not have noticed that other people were probably also rude to the people who went before you too.

Post # 9
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with everyone else about being first…look at it this way, they’re burnt out but at least they have experience! Ask them what went wrong or what they would have done differently. Then pick specific things for them to do and find other friends to share your excitement with!

Lots of my friends are essentially bridesmaids since mine are all long distance. Find a younger crew or fellow brides to get you pumped, be excited that it’s finally your turn 🙂

Post # 10
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I hear you! I’ve been a bridesmaid 9 times. Some of the friends are happily married 10 years plus, some are divorced, others are single. Two of mine just had babies. Priorities change. And yes, it is different to be in my 30s and be a bride than it was just out of college and being a bridemaid in my best friends’ weddings. Hang in there! Believe me, your friends will be excited. I am constantly so happy that my friends are as awesome as they are. From the ones who have “been there done that” to the ones who are experiencing their first “friend wedding” this is an awesome experience. Just remember it is your wedding not theirs. And that they are your friends no matter what. I can totally relate. It is different. But that doesn’t mean WORSE. Focus on the positive.

Post # 11
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry you feel bad about being last!  I was one of the first in my friends to get married and no one was really involved or really cared about the planning.  So I agree with the other girls that it’s bad on the other end too.  You and your Fiance will the ones who care about your wedding the most, that is always the case.

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