(Closed) Being left out of the loop for our wedding! (vent, sorry)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@farfromhome:  Oh good. Just curious, how Did she take it? Did she offer to pay for the extra cousins?

Post # 18
Hostess
8573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

We had planned on inviting no more than 60. After getting the list back of addresses that “needed” invited, the guest list shot up to 114! Her guest list included family members that my fi has never met, or has only met once but can’t remember. He didn’t even recognize their names when I read them off. It also included her boss and his wife, FMIL’s friends + their children, as well as one of the exchange students they housed.. who is from PARIS!

Now, I’m not overly concerned about inviting most of these people, many of them are 2500+ miles away, so I’m just going to send an invite to keep the peace. I’m more concerned about the kids.. we are basically having a child free wedding, with the exception of my flower girl [7], usher [13], bridesmaid [17], and a cousin of mine who will be like 3 months shy of 18.

All of the families that Future Mother-In-Law had on her list included “Joe & Jane Smith + Family”, so I’ve been determining how to break the news to her.. or if I even should. Fi thinks we should just invite “Mrs & Mrs Smith” without the family included because we are paying for our wedding ourselves.

Post # 20
Member
1647 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@farfromhome:  I realized early on, a wedding when being paid by parents, is merely showcasing of how “well” your kids are doing in life. I’m surprised, my mother hasn’t been more vocal about some things, and she’s being vocal about others. 

Post # 23
Hostess
8573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@farfromhome:  They haven’t offered any money, and we haven’t asked. When I first opened the guest list I just shook my head.

I’m pretty sure I will just invite adults only and leave it at that.. I can’t see many of these family members actually bothering to attend if my fi hasn’t even met/heard of them before.

At least, I’m hoping anyway!

I know Future Mother-In-Law talks on the phone pretty often to most people, but it’s not like they get together often or anything. I feel like she was just trying to avoid any turmoil.. or maybe even pimping out the wedding, who knows!

Post # 25
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@farfromhome:  It always seems daunting because the last thing you want to do is hurt anyones feelings especially when they are trying to help.  I feel for you and hope you get it all sorted out.  It’s funny how I never see posts about the females parents because they all seem to just go with the flow, it is always issues with the Future Mother-In-Law lol.  Gotta love em!!!

Post # 27
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@farfromhome:  You are more than welcome love, good luck with all 🙂

Post # 28
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@farfromhome:  we are having the exact same problem with my future in laws inviting their friends to our small destination wedding.  We intended to have 18 people only and that includes close friends and close family only.  They have backed my fiancé and I into a corner and demanded that we invite their friends who the fiancé hasn’t seen in 25 years ( he’s 30…). the in laws have already invited thrn and now are demanding that we formally invite them.  I don’t want them there and I can’t understand how they would have the nerve to show up anyway.  

After 10 phone calls back and forth with the parents, we have finally decided to extend the invite taro. To them do his parents won’t be on our backs but I hate the way this has been done.  Now to be fair I need to allow my mom to have some friends. I told my fiancé that he has to tell his parents that we will say no to anyone else with no hesitation.  

please excuse typos  I’m on my phone!

Post # 29
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

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@farfromhome:  Definitely more than my friends (10+ ish), but I’m happy to accommodate her wishes since the absence of my late dad will be difficult on her. She needs her friends’ support more than I need mine. However, after I talked to my mom, she’s pretty much already hosting for my side of the family. So, for now, my priority is to send the invites out. According to Future Mother-In-Law, not everyone would be able to make it. Then, there will be enough room for everyone! Fingers are crossed….

 

Post # 30
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

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@LyndaButterfly:  I can’t believe you gave in. it would have been a cold day in hell before I did that.

Post # 31
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@thenewmrsmax:  We decided that we want the parents to have things to do and not be on our backs the entire week (destination wedding in Mexico). If that means they can have a set of friends, so be it.   That’s why we said no more. They have their friends now and that’s it.  To be honest, I don’t event understand how that couple would even show their face at the wedding. I’d be too embarrassed to even go.  The Future Father-In-Law actually cc’ed this couple when he sent my fiancé an email demanding that they be invited!!! We definitely feel bullied and don’t like the way this came about but it wasn’t worth fighting over in the end. We are inviting some close cousins and were going to invite their parents as well (in laws family) and if the aunts/uncles couldn’t make it, we would have allowed this couple anyway.  

Because it’s a destination wedding, we are inclined to let our guests be comfortable.  So each guest gets a plus one (cheaper on hotel rooms and they will have someone to do things with).  

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