(Closed) Being married, can I have guy friends?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Being married, can I have guy friends?

    Yes, i have male friends

    No, i have only my Husband/Boyfriend as a male friend

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1936 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

    I have lots of male friends. In fact, one of my best friends is a male and *gasp* we had dinner, one on one last night. The horror! 

    Post # 17
    Member
    10282 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    My FI’s best friend is a woman. We hang out all the time with her but he also hangs out with her one-on-one sometimes too. I have male friends as well. I’m not going to pick my friends based on gender and I would never ask Fiance to do that either.

    Post # 18
    Member
    181 posts
    Blushing bee

    All my friends are females anyway and I don’t befriend males. I chose the second option, so basically my husband will be my only male friend. 

     

    Post # 19
    Member
    9561 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    It gives me the sads that this is even a question.

    Post # 20
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee

    I have a handful of close male friends but I havent sought out male friendships since I started dating my fiancé (about 6 years ago). I think I’ve befriended two male friends since then, the rest have been previous to our relationship. 

    I don’t think it matters eirher way, but if you’re asking for permission, yes you are allowed to have male friends after marriage. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    4063 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Not married yet, but with my life partner.  I work in a VERY male dominated field…I am around men professionally and socially every day.  I only have brothers and male cousins.  I’m not super good at female friendships.  I have my core group of 4 female friends and a wide range of male friends. SO’s best friend is a girl.  She has been his BFF since 10th grade.  Even through all of that horrible temptation of alllllll those other humans in the world, we still manage to keep our pants on. I choose SO every day and he chooses me. It’s as simple as that.  

    Post # 22
    Member
    1413 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    View original reply
    gretastuart:  I am curious as to why you ask. It’s of course perfectly appropriate to ask but I have no idea what the backstory is (guy friend who you lust after or are growing increasingly connected to while you are already in a relationship, SO who says no and you are unhappy about this, an ex you’re not over)

    Context makes a lot of difference here you know!!

    Post # 23
    Member
    3606 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    gretastuart:  I have male friends from school and work, and my Fiance has female friends from work. No jealousy in either direction. Not only do my Fiance and I each have a strong sense of boundaries, but our friends do too…they would never hit on us or try to be more than friends or anything else disrespectful. I think it’s totally fine as long as everyone concerned acts like a grownup.

    Post # 24
    Member
    4881 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    As long as it’s just a friendship (no unresolved or romantic feelings on either person’s part), then I don’t see a problem with it. I have guy friends that I hang out with – in groups, one-on-one, and even travelled with them (without DH – he had to work).

    DH has good female friends, too, and it doesn’t bother me even if he spends time one-on-one with them.

    We’ve become friends with each other’s friends over time, too, which probably helps. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    44 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I think I’ll take the verbal backlash & give a different perspective on this… To start with, my answer isn’t a solid, “NO” but it is a hesitant “YES”. I can say all day long that it wouldn’t bother me if my fiance’s best friend was a female but actually, it really would! It isn’t that I don’t trust him, it’s just something that makes me uncomfortable…just like standing on a cliff would make me uncomfortable. No, I don’t distrust the guardrail, but it’s just something I’m not too keen on 😉 I don’t think my fiance would appreciate me being super close to another male, and I respect that completely. It’s all about respecting boundaries and guarding your heart. I say having male friends is okay, but keep them at a distance. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    1975 posts
    Buzzing bee

    That’s up to your husband and yourself to decide what is best for you.

    Personally, I think the healthiest option is yes, you can have male friends. You should be trusted to be in control of whatever earthly urges you might experience in the presence of a person of the opposite sex, and conduct yourself accordingly.

    Trusting your partner but ‘not trusting the other person’ doesn’t make sense to me. Your partner should be more than capable of putting a stop to whatever situation may arise. That’s the whole point of committment. Acknowledge that humans have evolved capabilities to think rationally. Respect that.

    Anyways, for a bisexual person, they’d never be allowed to have any friends of either gender. And that just doesn’t make sense.

    Post # 27
    Member
    3107 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

    Of course. I think boundaries are important though, I might have too many drinks and stay over at a female friend’s home but I don’t think the same scenario would be appropriate with a male friend. We both have friends of the opposite sex but we trust each other and we understand respectful interactions and relationships with others. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    DH doesn’t have much female friend or hang out with them alone… actually I should correct that, he is too lazy to keep in touch with his friends.. I’m the one who arrange social gathering for him.  

    For me, I have both male and female friends. We have no rules in our house, so I can text, making long phone call or going out with them alone for lunch/dinner withouth DH and he is ok becuase he trust me.  I invite my male friends over and drink with DH… there are few guy friend my DH only met them at our wedding, just haven’t have a chance to hang out with them… but I don’t see any issues here as long as we trust each other.. it’s all good. Especially these are friends I met when I was in high school… 

    Post # 29
    Member
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    Well I say yes and no. I do have male friends but don’t have any male friends that are not also friends with my husband & vice versa. I don’t spend one on one time with them. We hang out with our friends together, and only one on one time with friends of the same sex. It’s just how we choose to be thats just my input 🙂 I agree with a comment above that said its ok to have male friends but keep them at a distance. My husband and I trust eachother completely, but we’d both feel uncomfortable if we were very close with other people of the oppsite sex. Every couple is different.

    Post # 30
    Member
    223 posts
    Helper bee

    Most of my friends are guys. My fiancé knows that I have absolutely zero interest in them romantically. Then again, he and I share all the same friends, and we rarely hang out with them without the other present.

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